2 Simple Things For A Strong Marriage

2 Simple Things For A Strong Marriage

There aren’t really any big secrets about having a strong and satisfying marriage.  It’s not a matter of luck, and it’s most certainly not a matter of being married to the right person. There are however, a couple of things that might help. 

It turns out that the couples who report the greatest satisfaction in their marriage share certain things in common, specifically these two “simple” things. 

1. They spend time together.  Shocking, I know, but you’d be surprised (unless your marriage is one of these) how many couples don’t spend much time together. The successful couples are intentional about making time together, and they protect that time. 

It’s important to know that when we say spending time, we mean quality time, and quite honestly, quality time often comes from quantity time. You can’t just make quality time happen in the 5 minutes you have to spare for each other. Sure, you can be intentional in those few minutes, but overall, it just needs to be more than that. Leftover time to collapse at the end of the day doesn’t really count! 

2. They touch each other… a lot… and often. We’re not talking about big public displays of affection, or even having to hold hands everywhere they go.  We’re talking sweet, affectionate, reassuring touch. The kind of touch that is comforting and connecting. The kind of touching that reminds us that we are safe and connected, even on bad days. This may be the quick squeezing of the shoulders after a long day at work, a hand on the small of her back while out in public or at home, or the running of your fingers briefly through each others hair as you pass by. Those brief tender touches can go a long way.

Now, we realize that these may seem to be two simple things, but they may not be as simple to execute. After all, you’re busy and you’re often disconnected as a couple, trying  to get from one point to the next all day long. At the end of the day, you’re just two tired people who have been running around all day pouring yourselves out. It is for that very reason why these two simple things need to become a priority. 

Left unattended, life will begin to steal from you as a couple. It will keep rushing forward unless you pull back the reins and slow it down. No one intentionally sets out to be too busy, it just happens, unless you don’t allow it to.

Going forward, as you move about your day, take the time to pause and evaluate. If these two things seem impossible, can we suggest that might be a clue that you need to pull back the reins somewhere. It might be time for a schedule change, a child’s activity to be dropped, or hours at the office to be pulled back, if possible. 

Life is hard, busy and often draining, but what makes it even harder, is going through it alone. Take the time and invest the time and the touch in your marriage. Marriage is a journey meant to be enjoyed together!

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The Most Common Divorce Months. Do You Know Them?

The Most Common Divorce Months. Do You Know Them?

I’m guessing you’re reading this because the title peaked your curiosity to simply find out what the most common divorce months are? 

Or, perhaps you’re struggling a bit or on the brink of divorce and you wanted to see if maybe knowing these two months would give you some sort of a sign or even normalize some of your feelings.

On the other hand, maybe you’re reading because you want all the info you can get on avoiding divorce because you want your marriage to thrive. Regardless of why you’re reading, I’m glad that you are.

We won’t make you wait anymore, those months are March and August. But now that you’ve got the info you came for, please keep reading…. 

March and August seem like odd months for divorce rates to be high, but there is a reason they are. In fact, I’m writing this in June on purpose. Both March and August are on the heels of some catalyst times and events that can sometimes lead to divorce, so of course it is our hope to derail some of them.

In the months before March are some big holiday seasons. Lots of family get togethers and lots of Christmas debt collected. Let’s not forget Valentines Day, the all about love holiday. 

All of these occasions can create a perfect storm for some intense bickering and highlighting of marital emptiness. We’ll be back to fill you in on more of the March contributors when that season rolls around again, but for now, let’s focus on the one at hand, Summer.

Summer time can create a great platform for last ditch efforts for couples who have already been struggling. The kids are home and they easily become the focus. No one wants to ruin the kids summer with a divorce, so why not go all in for the next few months and then separate once school starts again? This genuinely is the school of thought for a lot of couples.

It’s also vacation time, and we all know how well a good ol’ happy family vacation will fix a marriage! No, really. Couples all over are being deceived into thinking that a nice vacation will fix their marital woes. It won’t. 

Vacations can provide us a lot of things, but fixing a marriage, is not one of them. In fact, the opposite tends to happen. So much weight is put into the perfect vacation bonding you again as a couple, that when it just slightly goes awry, it sends the couple plummeting down into the “this is never going to work” pit. I mean after all, if we can’t get along on the beach during a vacation, then we’re never going to be able to get along. The last ditch proves to be fruitless.

The problem with the vacation method is not the vacation itself. In fact, vacations can be AMAZING for reconnecting couples, just not when they include so much denial. 

The bottom line is this, if you’re struggling in your marriage, there is no magical cure. Make a decision today to stop looking for one. The truth is, you have to work to change it! 

Don’t depend on vacations, holidays or wishes of new beginnings to fix your marriage. Also, don’t let those times stress you out so much that they increase division.

The reality is, the only thing that will fix your marriage is trusting God for redemption and making a decision to actively begin working on it…Did you hear that? Read it again, out loud, the only thing that will fix your marriage is trusting God for redemption and making a decision to actively begin working on it.

Let that sink in because it could change your life and your marriage! 

Your vacation time and money will be much better served investing in your marriage and the the work that needs to be done to change it. So, get off Trip Advisor and call a counselor, a marriage coach, or a couple you trust. Keep reading some blogs, heck, talk to each another about solutions! You CAN turn this around. That way you can actually vacation for the FUN instead of the fix! 

Oh, and for the record, it’s not easier for your kids to go through a divorce just because they’re back at school. What’s easiest for them is for mom and dad to heal their marriage. 

Worth it, all day long. 

Let us know how we can help you….Enjoy the Journey!