Are you missing out?
Are you a right fighter? Are you married to one?
Not sure? Here are some clues:
A right fighter will…
- Place higher value on being right than anything else
- Will stand their ground no matter what
- Will argue over minor details and nit-picky things
- Won’t stop arguing until they get the win
- Usually gets overly emotional or amped up
While sports are a great place to fight for your win, your marriage is not. Once you got married you went from being 2 to becoming 1. The day you walked down the aisle was the last day you should be fighting for your own win. From there on out, you need to be looking for marriage wins.
If you get caught up in right fighting, there is a lot you’re missing out on. Hopefully once you see these things, you’ll realize how what you’ve been fighting for really wasn’t a win at all.
While you’re trying to be right, you’re actively teaching your spouse to pull away from you. No one wants to move close to someone that they must always defend themselves against.
You also miss out on any personal growth. If you’re always right, why improve? If that’s not enough, there’s this; “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2
Right fighting also consists of only thinking about what is best for you, not your spouse or your marriage. What God calls you to is to “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather in humility, value others above yourself.” Philippians 2:3 You totally miss an opportunity to obey God, and to get a win for your spouse and your marriage.
Lastly, what you’re missing may be the most hurtful one of all. You’re missing the pain of your spouse. You’re taking a win at their expense and forcing them to take the loss. This can be hurtful and can cause your spouse to give up and shut down, which is hardly a win at all.
A win in football may get you a ring or a trophy, but a win for your marriage will have everlasting rewards. Aren’t you really wanting a win for your marriage instead?
If you want some more info on how to have conflict in a healthy way, check out the Expedition Marriage podcast series, beginning with episode 18 on How to L.O.V.E. Your Way Through Conflict.
Enjoying the Journey is always better than being right!
Chris & Jamie