John 10:10: “The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy…” As if this list of destruction isn’t bad enough, allow me to add one more thing; to distract. Not just to distract us with busyness but to distract us from even realizing that he is real, that he is a threat, and that he is the one we are warring against.
Married life isn’t always easy, and it’s a guarantee that this wonderful person you married entered your marriage with some flaws; flaws that have come and gone, flaws that have increased, and flaws that drive you nuts or even cause great wedges between you. And by the way, if your spouse is reading this, the same rule applies.
It can be so easy to put your attention on the wrongs of your spouse. It can also be easy to battle with them over their reluctance to change, their wrongness, or their different way of doing things. All evidence and all fingers point to them as the problem. So naturally, the battle begins… with them.
You gather your weapons as any worthy opponent would. You’ve stacked your evidence and remembered every date, time, and color of t-shirt they were wearing when the offense in question took place. You know the words you will hurl, the rightness you will stand in, and you will be sure to sleep separately and not even let a pinky toe touch your side of the bed until a resolution is found and the battle has been won.
Night after night, the same battle ensues, albeit over different topics occasionally; this familiar war dance remains the same.
You fix your eyes on your spouse, and all the while, your real Enemy sets his eyes on you, your spouse, AND your marriage. You have bought his lie of distraction. He has convinced you that your Enemy, even though it is biblically inaccurate, is indeed flesh and blood (Eph 6:12). You are distracted fighting an enemy that doesn’t exist while the real one is stealing, killing, and destroying your marriage.
Fight by fight and night by night, your connection drifts apart while he sits back and laughs, shining his trophy that he has no right to.
Your battle is not with your spouse, nor is it a physical one. The real war is against the Enemy of your soul and is in the spiritual realm. It’s time to open your eyes and show up with different weapons. Spiritual battles are fought with spiritual weapons; you are equipped with every single one you need, and it’s time to put them to use!
Suppose you want to win the real battle in your marriage. In that case, it will be done through prayer, following God’s Word, doing what it says, finding your refuge in Jesus, and being sober-minded and aware that your Enemy is prowling around intending to destroy you.
The Enemy is after your marriage, and every time you refuse to grow and change, to forgive, and to sit down and talk about real issues and learn new ways to connect and heal, you are teaming up with him.
The Enemy has no business in your marriage, so it’s time to team up with one another, link arms, and focus on the real opponent together. Don’t settle for anything less than the marriage God created you to have.
If you want more resources to help you in your marriage, check out the Expedition Marriage podcast and subscribe to our weekly newsletter.