Ep. 21: Part 4 – How to L.O.V.E. your Way Through Conflict

Ep. 21: Part 4 – How to L.O.V.E. your Way Through Conflict

Expedition Marriage with Chris & Jamie Bailey
Ep. 21: Part 4 – How to L.O.V.E. your Way Through Conflict
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This episode was the final episode in the 4 part series on How to L.O.V.E. Your Way through Conflict. On today’s episode we talked about evaluating the interests of both you and your spouse so you can achieve a win/win in your marriage.

Having a win/win marriage is being able to ask your spouse what their win is in addition to just seeking your own. You may or may not realize that when you fight to win, you’re also fighting to make your spouse lose.

There are three ways you can achieve a win/win marriage:

  • Common solution where you both win
  • Compromise where you both give a little for the win
  • Sacrifice where one of you willingly gives so your marriage can win

Getting to a win for your marriage requires working the problem backwards. Determine what the win is first and then figure out how to get there through communicating by using the other L.O.V.E. components like listening, observing the effects of your spouse, and valuing and validating them. Ask them their win, share with them yours, and then determine your marriage win.

Ep. 16 Expectations & Assumptions (part 3 of Communication Killers & their Kryptonite)

Do you struggle with unmet expectations in your marriage? They sure are a funny thing, aren’t they? By now, you’d think we’ve all learned what expectations and assumptions get us—a whole lot of disappointment and frustration, and yet we still tend to have them.

 

On this final episode of the Communication Killers & their Kryptonite we discussed the deeper problems with Expectations and Assumptions, and shared how to navigate your way out of them.

 

The first struggle with expectations and assumptions is when we expect or assume these three things:

 

1. For your spouse to have common sense. Truly, common sense just isn’t a thing. It really feels as if it should be, however we can’t share common sense when we don’t share common experiences, upbringings, pains or traumas.

 

2. For your spouse to know what you need. You must communicate exactly what it is you want if you want a need met. Making vague or even frustrated statements does not express a need and quite often your spouse won’t hear what it is you’re asking for.

 

3. For you and your spouse to share communication styles. People share and receive things differently; your spouse is no different. Learning to understand if your spouse is concrete or non-concrete, or perhaps contemplative or non-contemplative, which help out your communication game greatly.

 

Stay tuned for the next episode where we’ll be talking all about sex! Just in time for Valentines Day!

 

Quotes from the episode:

 

“Common sense isn’t all that common because we didn’t all share common experiences.”

“The trash is full” does not mean “please take out the trash right now.” Ask for wat you need.”

 
 

Verses:

 

1 Peter 3:8 NIV

Ep. 9: Walking in an Attitude of Gratitude

It’s a hard season to be grateful in, isn’t it? Many spouses have spent this entire year on edge, emotionally drained, and just kind of mentally exhausted. If we’re not careful in our marriages, it gets really easy to begin to focus on all that is wrong, instead of recognizing all that is good and right.

It’s important to remember that gratefulness is a choice. It’s not our nature to look for the good and to be grateful. In order to walk with an attitude of gratitude in our marriage, we must intentionally…

· Stop- Stop and think, “What am I grateful for?”

· Look- Look around. Stay present. “What around me is good, right in this moment?”

· Go- Move forward keeping an eternal focus. “In light of eternity, how big is this problem, really?”

Quotes from the episode

“Gracefulness keeps us from focusing on our spouse’s flaws”

“When we focus on our problems, it makes being grateful hard”

“Ultimately, what we want for the people we love is for them to be whole and free.”

“Being grateful doesn’t diminish our problems, it just gives them proper perspective.”

“So it is not happiness that makes us grateful. It’s gratefulness that makes us happy” – David Steindl-Rast

 
 

Verses:

1 Peter 4:8

1 Thessalonians 5:8