On the podcast –
Help Me or Make Me? A Prayer That Could Change Your Marriage
Prayers for Marriage can do more than ask God to change your circumstances. They can invite Him to change you.
When you pray for your marriage, what are you usually asking God to do?
Help us communicate better?
Help us stop arguing?
Help my spouse understand me?
Help our marriage feel easier?
Those are good prayers. In fact, asking God for help is biblical, and Scripture invites us to come to Him with our needs.
But what if there’s another kind of prayer we’re overlooking?
Lord, make me more patient. Make me a better listener. Make me humble. Make me someone who loves my spouse more like Christ.
In Episode 200 of Expedition Marriage, we’re talking about the difference between “help me” prayers and “make me” prayers—and how both can play an important role in Christian marriage.
This conversation began when Jamie noticed something during a church service. As their pastor prayed over missionaries being sent out, he repeatedly asked God to make them into the people they needed to be.
Not simply to help them accomplish their mission, but to transform them in the process.
And it raised a question worth asking in marriage:
Are we praying more for God to change our marriage than we’re praying for Him to change us?
What you’ll learn in this episode
- Why both “help me” and “make me” prayers are biblical
- The difference between asking for help and surrendering to transformation
- How self-reliance can quietly influence our prayer lives
- Why we sometimes want God to change our circumstances without changing our hearts
- What Scripture teaches us about bold prayers for personal growth
- How to pray for your spouse without making their transformation your responsibility
- Why asking God to make you patient, humble, forgiving, and tenderhearted can be uncomfortable
- The difference between praying for a better marriage and praying to become a better spouse
- How your own spiritual growth can change the dynamics of your relationship
- Why prayer isn’t about saying the right words but having the right heart posture
- How to recognize when your prayers are motivated by control rather than love
- Why genuine transformation takes surrender, trust, and sometimes time
Prayers for Marriage: Help Me and Make Me
Throughout the Bible, we find people crying out to God for help. We also find prayers asking Him to shape their hearts and teach them His ways.
Psalm 51:10 asks God to create a clean heart and renew a right spirit.
Psalm 25:4–5 asks Him to teach us His paths and lead us in His truth.
And Ephesians 4:2–3 reminds us of the humility, gentleness, patience, and love we’re called to demonstrate toward one another.
These aren’t simply behaviors to perform. They’re qualities God develops in us as we surrender to His transforming work.
And that transformation matters in marriage.
Instead of only praying, “Lord, help us stop arguing,” we can also pray, “Lord, make me someone who pursues peace.”
Instead of only praying, “Help my spouse understand me,” we can also pray, “Make me a better listener.”
Instead of only praying, “Help us feel connected again,” we can also pray, “Make me more intentional about pursuing my spouse.”
The goal isn’t to stop asking God for help. It’s to invite Him to do a deeper work within us as well.
We also discuss an important distinction: personal transformation doesn’t mean accepting abuse, taking responsibility for your spouse’s sin, or trying to become a better spouse so someone else will stop mistreating you.
Each spouse is responsible for their own choices and actions.
Ultimately, we want to become people who reflect Christ in the way we love, communicate, forgive, and care for one another.
Free download: Help Me and Make Me — Prayers for Your Marriage
We’ve created a free, Scripture-based resource to help you put this episode into practice.
Help Me and Make Me: Prayers for Your Marriage is a three-page guide that includes a seven-day prayer challenge and discussion questions for couples.
Use it to reflect on the prayers you’re praying, invite God into the areas where you need His help, and ask Him to continue transforming you into the spouse He’s calling you to be.
This week, pay attention to what you’re asking God to do.
Are you only asking Him to change your circumstances or your spouse?
Or are you also inviting Him to change your heart?
Because sometimes the prayer that changes your marriage begins with:
Lord, make me.
The Family You Came From
Learn more about identifying your family pattern, how it is affecting your marriage, and steps you can take to help.
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