Do you ever find yourself pursuing the happiness of your spouse at the expense of your own well-being or your own desires? Perhaps you’re married to someone who struggles with this. If this is you, then this episode was for you! We talked about the common roots of people pleasing and we shared what to do about them.
People pleasers often are affected by one of these things:
- Low self-esteem- believing the lie that they hold no value or are unworthy.
- Insecurity- believing the lie that others won’t like them if they don’t sacrifice themselves
- Perfectionism- believing the lie that things are only ok when everything and everyone is good.
- Painful Past- being trained in self-protection in the form of accommodating to stay mentally emotionally or physically safe.
People pleasers often do these things in a marriage:
- Say they’re fine when they’re not
- Apologize for everything
- Have built up resentment, that may come out all at once
- Tolerate hurtful or abusive behavior just to keep the peace
- Settle for a mediocre or a bad marriage to avoid upsetting their spouse.
- Suffer from emotional exhaustion
What to do about it:
- Admit to your spouse that you struggle with this and ask for help
- Use them to help you set boundaries
- Allow yourself a pause to regroup and drum up courage
- Control your mindset
If you’re a people pleaser, know this—Your needs being met, having time for yourself, having your thoughts and feelings respected are not selfish and you deserve them.
Newlywed Couple’s Devotional
(for Newlywed Couples and Newlywed Wanna-Be’s)
• 52 Weekly Devotionals that explore common issues and themes every couple experiences, such as intimacy, love, commitment, household duties, finances, and more
• Everyday Scripture and Reflective Bible Studies that provide practical solutions to bringing marriages closer to God
• Action-Oriented Discussion Prompts that hold couples accountable for maintaining their God-anchored vows
• Weekly Prayers that are specific and relevant to the topics discussed
How do you successfully set boundaries trying to come out of this exhausting people pleaser position! Would love boundaries you have set up
There are a few things to know about setting boundaries. The first thing is a mind shift change. You have to learn to get comfortable with other people being uncomfortable or upset. That will be a part of the process. The boundaries also have to be able to be followed up with an appropriate consequence, one that fits and one that you will actually do if necessary. Ultimately, in order to set a boundary you need to know what’s ok with you, what works for you, and what your limits are first. Setting a boundary demands that you know what is ok with you and what is not. That is ultimately what boundaries communicate. They are about you, not the other person. If you want some more personalized help with a specific area that your questioning, please send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll be happy to answer and guide you further.