The most common masks we see couples wearing are:
The Everything is Okay Mask
The Comedian Mask
The Take Charge Mask
The problem with each of these masks are that they don’t protect you like you think they will. You may feel like by being the people pleaser and keeping everyone happy that all is well, but the reality is, it’s not. In fact, it’s exhausting.
The same goes for always lightening the mood with a joke. While it may allow you avoid hard things momentarily, it doesn’t ever allow healing and resolution to come. Nor does being in control of everything help you escape the dreaded feeling of fear and anxiety. It only serves to leave you stuck in a chronic hypervigilant state.
If you want real peace in your marriage, become the real you who is entitled to having a voice, and learn how to address problems, even when they’re difficult. As you do this, you will actually increase security in your marriage because you will begin to collect evidence that you indeed can-do hard things. Always make room for growth. Take advantages of opportunities to work on things, don’t let them continue to hide behind masks. Your spouse deserves to see who you really are. That is the only way to becoming known.
If you want to know how to have solid communication and have some opportunities to grow and connect, check out our new book, Newlywed Couple’s Devotional, for newlyweds and for newlywed wannabes!
You won’t regret it!
Quotes from the episode:
“I’ll take one for the team but also secretly be resentful of it.”
“If I can control everything, I won’t have any more anxiety”
“I’ll just make a joke because let’s be real, if you’re laughing, you’re not crying.”
“There’s reasons we were masks in relationships: It’s always about protection.”
“They’re trying to make everyone happy, even when it cost them.”
“Tip of the day: If your wife is upset, it’s not comedy hour.”
“When wearing mask, we are keeping the other at arm’s length.”
“Masks remove the opportunity for you to address and fix problems.”
“You will never resolve conflicts when you are wearing these masks.”
“Masks take away real security.”
“Sometimes the enemy deceives us into thinking mask work.”
“You were not taught how to unmask yourself.”