Have you ever thought about how great it would be if your husband could read your mind? Wouldn’t it be so much easier if you didn’t ever have to actually ask for what you need or want?
I mean, it is hard to understand why they don’t see a sink full of dishes and know you’d love some help.
And how come when they hear the kids yelling, they don’t think to automatically respond and see what they need?
And why is it so hard for them to realize that you hate it when they’re on their phones when you’re trying to have some quality time with them?
While it’s unlikely your husband will ever get good at reading your mind, there actually are some things you can do that will help him hear and understand your needs.
Wife Communication Hacks to Help your Husband to Hear you.
Don’t ask backwards.
Wives can often have a tendency to ask for what they want in the form of a complaint. They do this because there’s less risk of rejection or disappointment involved. And let’s be honest, it just feels better when they see you and what you need without having to be told. Here’s what this may look like:
“There’s so much junk on the floor!”
“I’m so tired of the trash always being full.”
“I’m so exhausted.”
Now, as women, we can all figure out what these things translate into, but don’t expect your husband to. The next time you want to drop the not-so-subtle hints to your husband via a complaint, instead, be direct and ask for what you need.
“Can you please help me pick up the kids’ stuff off the floor?”
“Hey babe, can you take the trash out?”
“I’m so tired, do you mind if I go take a bath and go to bed early?”
It sounds so simple, but you will have a far better chance at getting what you need when you actually ask for it.
Include your reason.
When you start learning to ask for what you need or when you have a real concern you need to share, instead of just asking for it, include what it would mean to you if you got it or how it would help you feel. This clear communication will share the true need you have behind your ask. Here’s an example:
“I really need you to put your phone down at the dinner table. It would really help me to feel like you wanted to spend time with me and the kids if you did.”
“I would love it if you could help me bathe the kids at night. It would help me be able to feel more relaxed and not so stressed at night before bed.”
Sharing your why gives a much larger incentive to understand and meet your need. Most husbands actually do want their wives to feel like they want to spend time with them, and they do want them to be able to relax. This type of communication lets them see into your heart and understand what the real need is. It’s risky to be vulnerable, but over time vulnerability creates true connection.
Set him up for success.
No one ever feels motivated from being told all that they’re not doing or all that they’re doing wrong. Your husband is more likely to shut down the second something negative comes out of your mouth—for the record, you would too. He may have a history of not listening or disappointing you, but it will never get better if you start with negativity. That only serves to be met with defensiveness, or in a lot of men, avoidance. Try not reminding him of how many times he forgot something, didn’t do something or how he “always” or “never” does this or that. Skip all that commentary and go right to the steps above. The simpler and more direct you keep it, the more likely he will be to really listen.
If you want to really have your voice be heard, check out the Expedition Marriage podcast and episode 34 to hear What Wives Really Want, and let us do the talking for you!
As always, we’re here to help you… Enjoy the Journey!
xoxo, Chris & Jamie
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