“We feel the present with the intensity of the past, but have no idea the past is being evoked.”


—Dr. Dan Siegel

Have you ever felt something rise up in you during an argument with your spouse that seemed… disproportionate?
 Like they said something small, but your emotional response was huge?

Welcome to the world of implicit memory.

What Is Implicit Memory?

Most of us are familiar with explicit memory—the memories we can explain and recall. But implicit memory is different. It’s the kind of memory stored in the body and emotional brain—unconscious but deeply felt.

It’s the feeling of being dismissed, abandoned, unseen, or unsafe—not always because of your spouse, but because something from your past is being activated in the present.

And unless we become aware of it, we’ll keep reacting to our spouse based on pain they didn’t cause.

How Implicit Memories Show Up in Marriage

• You feel rejected when your spouse gets quiet—but it may trace back to feeling ignored as a child.

• You overreact when your spouse is late—not because of the moment, but because it touches an old wound of feeling unimportant.
• You shut down during conflict—because growing up, expressing emotion wasn’t safe.

These reactions often confuse both spouses. One feels misunderstood, the other feels attacked or abandoned.

But here’s the hope: awareness is the beginning of healing.

What Scripture Says About Healing the Unseen

Psalm 139:23-24 says,
“Search me, O God, and know my heart… see if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

God knows the hidden places in our hearts—even the ones we’ve buried. And He invites us to bring them into the light.

Healing doesn’t begin with fixing—it begins with naming. With noticing. With letting Jesus walk us back to the story behind the feeling… so we can respond from grace instead of pain.