*If you’re in an abusive or unsafe marriage, this message is not meant for your situation. God does not ask you to stay in harm’s way. Please seek help, support, and safety. You are deeply valued, and you are not alone.
Marriage can be one of the most beautiful parts of life—but it can also be one of the most painful places to feel alone.
Maybe you’re the one trying. The one praying. The one reading the books, initiating the conversations, suggesting counseling. And maybe… your spouse isn’t.
If you’re feeling like you’re the only one fighting for your marriage, I want you to hear this loud and clear:
You were never meant to carry your marriage on your own.
When Your Strength Isn’t Enough
We all hit a breaking point when we realize our human strength has limits. It’s discouraging when your best effort still isn’t enough to fix what’s broken.
But here’s the truth—your strength was never supposed to be enough.
Psalm 73:26 reminds us,
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
God never asked you to white-knuckle your way through pain or pretend everything is fine. He simply asks you to bring your weakness to Him—because that’s where His strength comes through the most.
What If My Spouse Refuses to Do the Work?
This may be one of the hardest places to land in a marriage: You’re ready to grow, you desperately want to heal, and surrender to God—but your spouse is unwilling.
Maybe they don’t want counseling. Maybe they won’t talk about deeper issues. Maybe they’ve checked out emotionally or spiritually.
And you’re left wondering, “How can this work if I’m the only one working?”
Here’s the hope: God can still work in your marriage—even when your spouse won’t.
Psalm 46:1 says,
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”
God doesn’t disappear when your spouse pulls away. In fact, He often draws nearer. He sees your effort. He honors your faithfulness. And He promises to carry you when it feels like you can’t carry anything—or anyone—else.
What Can You Do?
While you can’t change your spouse, here’s what you can do:
- Anchor Yourself in God’s Truth
Your worth is not measured by your spouse’s choices. God’s love for you is unshakable, and your obedience is not wasted.
Isaiah 40:29 says,
“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.”
- Pray—But Release Control
Yes, pray for your spouse. But don’t make their transformation your responsibility. Ask God to do what only He can do in their heart—and rest in knowing He’s at work even when you can’t see it.
- Protect Your Heart with Boundaries
Boundaries are not about punishment—they’re about protecting what’s healthy. If your spouse isn’t pursuing God, that doesn’t mean you stop. Keep growing, keep guarding your peace, and don’t compromise your walk with Christ.
- Find Safe, Godly Support
Don’t walk this road alone. Talk to a counselor, a mentor, or a trusted friend who can offer support without judgment. Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is simply ask for help.
A Final Word of Hope
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says,
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness… for when I am weak, then I am strong.”
This isn’t just true in theory—it’s true for you.
If your marriage feels one-sided right now, don’t give up. God isn’t finished with your story. And even if your spouse isn’t showing up, God always will.
Your role is to stay close to Him. To listen for His voice. To obey what He is asking you to do today—even if your spouse isn’t willing to join you yet.
Because when your strength runs out, His never does. None of this guarantees the outcome you may be desiring, but if you abide in the Lord, His direction will be clear, and His grace will be sufficient. He will make straight the path to follow going forward.
Reflection Questions:
- Where am I relying on my own strength instead of leaning into God’s?
- What’s one area in my marriage I need to surrender today?
- Who can I invite into my journey for support?
If this resonates with you, we want you to know—we’re with you. And more importantly, God is with you. He’s holding you, equipping you, and working even when it feels like nothing’s moving.
You are not alone.
Find more paid and free resources at www.expeditionmarriage.org
Want More?
Listen in as we discuss this issue on Ep. 142: When You’re Fighting for Your Marriage Alone on the Expedition Marriage Podcast.
—Chris & Jamie Expedition Marriage
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