What do I do if my Spouse Wants a Divorce and I Don’t?

Nothing is more heart-wrenching than sensing or knowing your spouse has one foot out the door. It’s a challenging, painful place to be—but it may not be as hopeless as it feels. If this is the pace you’re finding yourself in, here are some practical steps you can take in your fight for your marriage.

1) Respond—Don’t React

Chaos breeds reaction. When your spouse appears emotionally checked out, your instinct might be to panic or plead. Instead, take a deep breath and choose your response wisely. Your calm presence can create space for pause rather than push them away.

2) Lean In and Listen

Don’t argue the details or defend yourself. Simply invite them to share how they’re feeling—because understanding what’s causing their exhaustion is the first step toward healing. By listening, you breathe hope into a situation that may feel hopeless.

Example language you could use:

“I’m so sorry that we’ve gotten here, and I want you to know I will do everything I can to save our marriage. I still want to be married to you.”

3) Work on You

Pull back from the blame game. Instead, focus on becoming a safer, more present spouse. Ask yourself:

• Have I swept underlying problems under the rug?
• Do I avoid conflict or handle it poorly?
• Have I neglected to set healthy boundaries?

Improving yourself doesn’t force change—it invites it by modeling what safe, relational love looks like.

4) Let Your Efforts Speak

You may take steps forward while your spouse holds back. That’s okay. Your authentic transformation can serve as an invitation—not a demand—for them to stay. If they do choose to walk away, you will know you did everything you could.

5) Get Help

You don’t have to walk this alone. Talking to a trusted counselor or coach creates a safe space for repair, guiding you through healing whether or not your spouse fully participates.

Healing Prayer:

Lord, right now my heart feels broken, and hope feels fragile. Yet, even here, You are working. Soften our hearts as a couple, bring clarity and calm to any chaos or discouragement, and show us how to repair what’s been fractured. May Your grace be the bridge that restores connection. In Jesus Name, Amen.

If this resonates with your journey, know that we’re here to walk alongside you. Reach out anytime—or explore our Counseling & Coaching services for tailored support.

Or for some encouragement, check out A Message From God for Your Hurting Marriage

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