I remember being a little girl sitting in my bedroom listening to my parents in the throes of conflict outside my door.  There was screaming and hollering, profanity and loud door slams. Many nights I sat on the corner of my bed with my hands over my ears anxiously waiting and hoping for silence.

Conflict

Conflict has a technical definition but really, more often than not, it’s something that we assign a definition to based upon our own experience of it.

Another reason you may have learned to avoid conflict is because you’ve seen it go wrong. Perhaps you’ve been that little child sitting on your bed with hands over your ears too, or perhaps you never had the opportunity to witness it at all and therefore any time it comes up, you feel helpless. 

Then there’s those of you who are just simply slow processors. What this may mean is that being involved in conflict includes too much pressure and it demands for you to be quick on your feet, when the reality is you need time to go slow and process. Conflict for a slow processor may mean that you never get a voice and instead end up hours later thinking of all the things you could have or desired to say but didn’t. Slow processors need space for conflict.

You also might be an emotional stuffer, which is someone who just doesn’t like to feel, experience, or deal with hard things. Perhaps you were raised in conflict and you developed a hatred of it so you learned to just keep yourself from experiencing anything difficult by shoving it all down. Or there’s the possibility that you never saw conflict at all and therefore you feel as if you have no skills on how to handle it so you must keep it hidden. 

Lastly, you might hate conflict because you’ve been a victim and conflict means something violent and abusive where you aren’t allowed to have a choice or you lack the ability to defend yourself.

At the end of the day, if you’re someone who avoids conflict, you’ll also be someone that removes opportunity for growth in your marriage, especially if you never learn how to have it well. Conflict in marriage should mean that there’s opportunity for resolution, communication and room for each spouse to have a voice. 

If you want to learn more on how to have conflict well, check out Episode 18 of our 4 part series on the Expedition Marriage podcast, How to L.O.V.E your Way Through Conflict.

As always, we are here to help you Enjoy the Journey!
Chris & Jamie

One of the greatest advantages of being Christian Counselors is being able to look at all situations through a lens of hope.

Real hope. 

Early on, and all throughout our schooling, we were always reminded of step number one—to instill hope. Every single couple we interact with, whether it’s in a session, a group, or simply on social media, will first and foremost be exposed to hope.

Hope is always the foundational piece of healing and wholeness.

I will never forget one of our very first couples many years ago. They both had a long history of abuse and trauma. They were dealing with addiction, pornography, adultery and severe anxiety and depression. I remember this couple well, not because I was overwhelmed and concerned with how to help them. In fact, it was just the opposite. I remember getting excited because for the first time ever they were about to be exposed to hope—we knew they didn’t have it, but I knew we did.
Many couples we see feel hopeless, but the truth is, we don’t need couples to have hope when we start work with them because we are willing to share ours. We believe it is our job to share our hope with you, and to keep standing in the gap holding onto it for as long as you need us to. Hope is much like a torch that ignites, and we gladly hold ours up for as long as it takes to get yours lit. Why? Because we know that hope is real, and that hope is alive.

We know real HOPE, and His name is Jesus, and that He too is standing in the gap with us.

Jesus is who anchors us as counselors, and He is who will anchor your marriage in the midst of the storm. So, even when that storm feels like it’s taking forever to pass, He can anchor you down for as long as needed—we fully trust that, and ultimately, we want you too as well. Whether you are struggling a little or have a suitcase packed by the door, your marriage is never hopeless.

Now is the time to make a decision to grab a hold of hope; because it is when you find that hope as a couple that you find the courage and strength to move forward—and how good it is to finally believe in what could be! With hope you can trust the process, rely on God’s strength, and fully believe that He has good things to come, even if they arrive through painful processes.

Always hoping in great things for your marriage,
Chris & Jamie