How shaped by your past do you feel?

When things are written on your heart at a young age, they rarely just disappear. They become lenses. Filters. Narratives running behind the scenes of your life.

For me, one of those moments happened when I was in 10th grade.

I had gotten very sick and was hospitalized for a period of time. I missed a lot of school while I recovered. When I finally came home, instead of being encouraged to catch up, my mom made the decision to withdraw me from school.

She truly believed I would not be able to keep up academically after missing so much.

At fifteen years old, I didn’t have much say in the matter.

Looking back, even though my home was filled with dysfunction, I know it wasn’t done out of cruelty. My mom carried her own story. She had dropped out of high school herself, and I think her decision came from fear more than anything else.

But even when something isn’t meant to wound us, it can still land deeply.

For me, the idea of it was impossible and I was incapable landed as a verdict.

A repeated message that sounded like this:

“Jamie, you can’t.”

When a Lie Takes Root

I remember the quiet shame.

Watching my friends move forward while I stayed behind.

And something settled into my heart during that season. A belief began forming that maybe I really wasn’t capable. Maybe I wasn’t smart enough. Maybe I couldn’t handle hard things.

That moment shaped more than my education.

It shaped how I saw myself.

Years later, as a young mom of three, I went back and finished my diploma. I went on to earn my bachelor’s degree and eventually my master’s degree in professional counseling.

But here’s the raw and honest part.

You can collect all kinds of letters after your name and still believe the lie.

I worked hard. I achieved. I proved myself again and again.

Yet underneath it all was still this quiet fear that someday I would be exposed as inadequate.

How Our Past Shows Up in Marriage

That belief didn’t just affect my education.

It showed up in my marriage.

I overcompensated.
I worked to prove myself.
I reacted strongly when I felt misunderstood.
I became sensitive to correction or being wrong.

Because when you believe you are not enough, you fight hard to protect yourself from ever feeling that again.

Let me say that again because I think many of us can relate to this.

When you believe you are not enough, you fight hard to protect yourself from feeling that again.

Sometimes that protection looks like defensiveness. Sometimes it looks like control. Sometimes it shows up as insecurity or overworking or trying to prove yourself in ways your spouse may not even understand.

Our past has a way of echoing into our marriage if we don’t allow God to redeem it.

The Truth That Changed Everything

Only Jesus has been able to untangle that knot in my heart.

Over time, the truth of this verse has become deeply personal to me:

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
— 2 Corinthians 5:17

The old “verdict” does not get to define me anymore.

Christ does.

And that truth has been a journey for me to fully embrace.

Our Marriage Testimony

On this week’s episode of the Expedition Marriage Podcast, Our Trials. His Testimony, Chris and I share our marriage testimony.

The real struggles.
The insecurities.
The patterns we had to face.

And the redemption we’ve experienced through it all.

It’s not a story about us getting everything right.

It’s a story about God redeeming what was broken.

Replacing Lies With Truth

One of the most powerful ways God has helped me replace lies with truth has been through His Word.

For many years I read Scripture, but I didn’t always study it deeply or academically.

If I’m honest, that old lie still whispered that I wasn’t capable of understanding it fully.

But this year, I’m done letting that lie speak louder than truth.

I’ve started studying Scripture more intentionally, and one of the resources I’ve been using is The Every Woman’s Bible.

It includes something called the Filament app, which allows you to scan any page and instantly access historical context, study notes, devotionals, maps, and additional teaching right from your phone.

It has made deeper study feel accessible and rich instead of intimidating.

(This is a sponsored promotion with Tyndale, but we only share resources we truly believe will strengthen your walk with Christ.)

God Redeems Our Stories

If you’ve ever felt shaped by something from your past that still echoes into your marriage, I hope this encourages you.

God redeems.

God restores.

God makes new.

Thank you for letting me be honest with you.

How shaped by your past do you feel?

When things are written on your heart at a young age, they rarely just disappear. They become lenses. Filters. Narratives running behind the scenes of your life.

For me, one of those moments happened when I was in 10th grade.

I had gotten very sick and was hospitalized for a period of time. I missed a lot of school while I recovered. When I finally came home, instead of being encouraged to catch up, my mom made the decision to withdraw me from school.

She truly believed I would not be able to keep up academically after missing so much.

At fifteen years old, I didn’t have much say in the matter.

Looking back, even though my home was filled with dysfunction, I know it wasn’t done out of cruelty. My mom carried her own story. She had dropped out of high school herself, and I think her decision came from fear more than anything else.

But even when something isn’t meant to wound us, it can still land deeply.

For me, the idea of it was impossible and I was incapable landed as a verdict.

A repeated message that sounded like this:

“Jamie, you can’t.”

When a Lie Takes Root

I remember the quiet shame.

Watching my friends move forward while I stayed behind.

And something settled into my heart during that season. A belief began forming that maybe I really wasn’t capable. Maybe I wasn’t smart enough. Maybe I couldn’t handle hard things.

That moment shaped more than my education.

It shaped how I saw myself.

Years later, as a young mom of three, I went back and finished my diploma. I went on to earn my bachelor’s degree and eventually my master’s degree in professional counseling.

But here’s the raw and honest part.

You can collect all kinds of letters after your name and still believe the lie.

I worked hard. I achieved. I proved myself again and again.

Yet underneath it all was still this quiet fear that someday I would be exposed as inadequate.

How Our Past Shows Up in Marriage

That belief didn’t just affect my education.

It showed up in my marriage.

I overcompensated.
I worked to prove myself.
I reacted strongly when I felt misunderstood.
I became sensitive to correction or being wrong.

Because when you believe you are not enough, you fight hard to protect yourself from ever feeling that again.

Let me say that again because I think many of us can relate to this.

When you believe you are not enough, you fight hard to protect yourself from feeling that again.

Sometimes that protection looks like defensiveness. Sometimes it looks like control. Sometimes it shows up as insecurity or overworking or trying to prove yourself in ways your spouse may not even understand.

Our past has a way of echoing into our marriage if we don’t allow God to redeem it.

The Truth That Changed Everything

Only Jesus has been able to untangle that knot in my heart.

Over time, the truth of this verse has become deeply personal to me:

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
— 2 Corinthians 5:17

The old “verdict” does not get to define me anymore.

Christ does.

And that truth has been a journey for me to fully embrace.

Our Marriage Testimony

On this week’s episode of the Expedition Marriage Podcast, Our Trials. His Testimony, Chris and I share our marriage testimony.

The real struggles.
The insecurities.
The patterns we had to face.

And the redemption we’ve experienced through it all.

It’s not a story about us getting everything right.

It’s a story about God redeeming what was broken.

Replacing Lies With Truth

One of the most powerful ways God has helped me replace lies with truth has been through His Word.

For many years I read Scripture, but I didn’t always study it deeply or academically.

If I’m honest, that old lie still whispered that I wasn’t capable of understanding it fully.

But this year, I’m done letting that lie speak louder than truth.

I’ve started studying Scripture more intentionally, and one of the resources I’ve been using is The Every Woman’s Bible.

It includes something called the Filament app, which allows you to scan any page and instantly access historical context, study notes, devotionals, maps, and additional teaching right from your phone.

It has made deeper study feel accessible and rich instead of intimidating.

(This is a sponsored promotion with Tyndale, but we only share resources we truly believe will strengthen your walk with Christ.)

God Redeems Our Stories

If you’ve ever felt shaped by something from your past that still echoes into your marriage, I hope this encourages you.

God redeems.

God restores.

God makes new.

Thank you for letting me be honest with you.

Need help getting unstuck? Reach out to us for help at Expedition Marriage. 

5 Ways to Navigate Family Tension at the Thanksgiving Table

Thanksgiving is meant to gather us around a table of gratitude, but let’s be honest, sometimes it feels like sitting at the edge of a relational minefield. Family dynamics, old wounds, differing opinions, they all have a way of testing our patience, posture, and our sanity peace.

If you’re heading into a holiday meal where you know there will be tension, here are five faith-centered steps to help guard your heart, speak with wisdom, and be an example of grace through the many conversations at the table.

1. Begin with Prayer — Before You Feast (or maybe even before you sit down)

Don’t wait until conflict brews to seek God’s help. Pause before the first bite. Ask Him to fill you with patience instead of irritation, humility instead of pride, compassion instead of judgment.
Let your mealtime prayer be more than a blessing over food. Make it a plea for divine presence in every interaction. You can pray this for the whole family or just silently on your own. Regardless, don’t forget to ask for the Holy Spirit’s help.

2. Serve Grace Alongside the Mashed Potatoes

When your “favorite” aunt starts critiquing your life choices or Uncle Bob brings up politics again, attempt to respond with gentleness, not attitude. If needed, tell your face this plan as well 😉.
Grace doesn’t mean letting everything slide, it means giving people what they don’t deserve, even when they act in ways you don’t like. Use your words to soften tension, instead of fueling it.

3. Reorient Your Focus from Faults to Blessings

It’s easy to get stuck on the flaws. Her critical tone. His indifference. The awkward silences. But on this thankful day, try this: look for the good. Glance around the table at people you love, even the ones who test your limits, and name one thing, out loud if possible, that you’re grateful for about them. Gratitude can shift the entire atmosphere of the room.

4. Start a “Thankful Tradition”

Once the turkey is passed, invite everyone to say one thing they’re thankful for.
Yes, it can be awkward, but it can set a tone of unity, soften defenses, and reorient the conversation from contention to family connection.

If someone hesitates, just remind them that there is always something to be grateful for, even a family whose differences point you back to God’s grace.

5. Let Laughter Be Your Unexpected Dessert

When tension is heavy, don’t hesitate to break the script by sharing a memory. Maybe even tell a funny story, reminding everyone of the time the turkey got dropped and was half eaten by the dog, or when the turkey didn’t even get finished cooking until 9pm and you couldn’t even eat it (true story from our own life!).

Laughter doesn’t nullify pain, but it does remind us of joy’s place even in hard spaces. And sometimes, a well-timed chuckle disarms walls faster than a well-polished apology, or an issue being swept under the rug.

🧡 A Thanksgiving Prayer for Every Seat at the Table

Heavenly Father,
Thank You for our family that is imperfect, messy, and miraculous. As we gather today, I ask that You fill our hearts with grace, humility, and wisdom. Help us to listen more than we rush to speak, to extend kindness when tension rises, and to lean into reconciliation rather than defensiveness. Use our time together, Lord, to soften hearts, foster understanding, and remind us that love is meant to outlast conflict.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Marriage is meant to be a safe and sacred space built on honesty, mutual respect, and emotional safety. But sometimes, what’s become normal in a relationship is anything but healthy. When confusion and secrecy start showing up more than trust and connection, it’s time to pause and take an honest look what might be happening.

Here are a few things that are not normal in a healthy, God-honoring marriage — even if you’ve been told they are:

🔒 Hidden Passwords or Secret Conversations

Transparency is the foundation of trust, and trust is foundational in marriage. When passwords are hidden or text conversations are kept secret, it breeds uncertainty and suspicion. A spouse who is walking in integrity has no reason to keep their phone, messages, or online life in the dark.

If you find yourself constantly wondering what’s on your spouse’s phone or feeling uneasy about what they might be hiding, that’s not “being controlling”, that’s your God-given discernment alerting you that something’s off. This is especially true if your spouse refuses to let you see their phone.

Scripture reminds us:

“The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.” — Proverbs 12:22

Healthy marriages thrive in the light, not behind screens or secret passcodes.

💔 Dismissed Feelings: Dealing with Disbelief and Invalidations

Being told “you’re overreacting” or “it’s not a big deal” when you’re clearly hurt is not normal. It’s dismissive. Emotional invalidation eats away at connection and leaves you feeling unseen and unheard.

When your gut says something isn’t right, or if something truly bothers you, and your spouse continually minimizes it, confusion and self-doubt grow. And that’s not love, that’s manipulation or avoidance.

Healthy communication sounds like:

“I can see this really bothers you. Help me understand why.”
Not: “You’re too sensitive.”

Love doesn’t try to silence you. It makes efforts to hear you.

🪞 Their Friends, Phone, or Hobbies Always Come First

Yes, balance is important, and friendships and hobbies matter. But when your spouse consistently prioritizes everything else over you, that’s not normal partnership in marriage.

Marriage requires intentional time and emotional investment. If you always feel like you’re coming in last, the issue isn’t your neediness, it’s the lack of mutual prioritization.

Remember:

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” — Philippians 2:4

Love makes time, energy and space for one another.

💳 Chronic Lies About Money or Whereabouts

A lie is never small when it’s repeated. When there’s dishonesty about spending, location, or relationships, that pattern slowly erodes safety.

You deserve truth, not half-truths or constant explanations that just “don’t add up.” Trust will only exist where honesty does.

If lying has become common, it’s not a “communication issue,” it’s a truth and integrity issue. And truth is the very oxygen of intimacy.

⚠️ Being Told to Believe What You Know Is a Lie

If you’re told you’re imagining things or “crazy” for seeing what’s right in front of you, that’s not normal, it’s gaslighting.

Gaslighting distorts your reality to make you question yourself. It’s emotionally abusive and deeply damaging to your sense of safety.

“The truth will set you free.” — John 8:32
God’s Word never calls us to deny reality to maintain peace. He calls us to walk in truth and wisdom.

🌀 Anything That Breeds Confusion

Here’s the bottom line:
Anything that continually breeds confusion in your relationship is meant to. And that’s why it’s not normal. (Read that again if you need to)

Confusion is not from God. His ways bring peace, clarity, and conviction, not constant second-guessing and emotional chaos.

“For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.” — 1 Corinthians 14:33

If you’re constantly left wondering what’s real and what’s not, it’s time to take a step back, pray for discernment, and seek wise, biblical counsel.

💡 A Word of Hope

If you’re reading this and realizing that some of these things sound familiar, take heart.  Awareness is the first step toward healing.

You don’t have to stay stuck in a cycle of secrecy, confusion, or dismissal. God sees the pain that’s hard to put into words, and He wants to lead you toward truth and restoration.

Healing doesn’t begin by pretending everything is fine. It begins by bringing the truth into the light.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” — John 1:5

Or for some encouragement, check out A Message From God for Your Hurting Marriage

When you share your email address with us, the personal information you provide is used to send you the requested free resources and relevant offers, promotions, and updates to help encourage and support you in your marriage. Your information will not be shared with anyone outside of Expedition Marriage. You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the tab at the bottom of all emails.

What do I do if my Spouse Wants a Divorce and I Don’t?

Nothing is more heart-wrenching than sensing or knowing your spouse has one foot out the door. It’s a challenging, painful place to be—but it may not be as hopeless as it feels. If this is the pace you’re finding yourself in, here are some practical steps you can take in your fight for your marriage.

1) Respond—Don’t React

Chaos breeds reaction. When your spouse appears emotionally checked out, your instinct might be to panic or plead. Instead, take a deep breath and choose your response wisely. Your calm presence can create space for pause rather than push them away.

2) Lean In and Listen

Don’t argue the details or defend yourself. Simply invite them to share how they’re feeling—because understanding what’s causing their exhaustion is the first step toward healing. By listening, you breathe hope into a situation that may feel hopeless.

Example language you could use:

“I’m so sorry that we’ve gotten here, and I want you to know I will do everything I can to save our marriage. I still want to be married to you.”

3) Work on You

Pull back from the blame game. Instead, focus on becoming a safer, more present spouse. Ask yourself:

• Have I swept underlying problems under the rug?
• Do I avoid conflict or handle it poorly?
• Have I neglected to set healthy boundaries?

Improving yourself doesn’t force change—it invites it by modeling what safe, relational love looks like.

4) Let Your Efforts Speak

You may take steps forward while your spouse holds back. That’s okay. Your authentic transformation can serve as an invitation—not a demand—for them to stay. If they do choose to walk away, you will know you did everything you could.

5) Get Help

You don’t have to walk this alone. Talking to a trusted counselor or coach creates a safe space for repair, guiding you through healing whether or not your spouse fully participates.

Healing Prayer:

Lord, right now my heart feels broken, and hope feels fragile. Yet, even here, You are working. Soften our hearts as a couple, bring clarity and calm to any chaos or discouragement, and show us how to repair what’s been fractured. May Your grace be the bridge that restores connection. In Jesus Name, Amen.

If this resonates with your journey, know that we’re here to walk alongside you. Reach out anytime—or explore our Counseling & Coaching services for tailored support.

Or for some encouragement, check out A Message From God for Your Hurting Marriage

When you share your email address with us, the personal information you provide is used to send you the requested free resources and relevant offers, promotions, and updates to help encourage and support you in your marriage. Your information will not be shared with anyone outside of Expedition Marriage. You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the tab at the bottom of all emails.