4 Ways to Know if Your Marriage Needs Counseling

4 Ways to Know if Your Marriage Needs Counseling

First things first, can we just go ahead and put to rest all the stigma that comes with counseling? It’s truly just nonsense. We don’t shame our children for needing to go to school to get educated, we don’t shame the person with a broken leg who goes to the orthopedic, nor do we shame the person on the side of the road who calls a mechanic.  As far as we’re concerned, people who seek help for areas where they’re not the expert and they need some help, are people full of wisdom. You’re not failing if you need help, it’s actually the opposite. You choose failure when you need help and DON’T get it. Seeking help is what successful people do!

Ok, can someone slide this soap box out of the way now, I’m done?!

Now that that is cleared up, here are just a few signs that your marriage could benefit from some counseling:

You have a lack of satisfaction. Did you know on average a couple will struggle in their marriage for 6 years before they seek help? Yikes! Don’t be that couple. If you’re living as roommates, rarely have conversations, or have a life focused entirely on the kids, this is NOT a fulfilling marriage and you shouldn’t be settling for it. There’s hope and fulfillment for BOTH of you to be found. 

Another big clue you might need some help is if divorce has been brought up, especially if either of you already come from a broken home. You have an enemy who is after your marriage and would want nothing more than to keep a painful legacy of division going in your family (see John 10:10). Don’t allow any thoughts about divorce to take root.

You also don’t want to let stress, trauma, or difficult situations take you down. Those things that creep into your marriage that are often beyond your control can wreak havoc over time if left unattended. This is a great time to hit pause, get some guidance, and quickly get back on the road to a healthy marriage.

Finally, the more obvious one, if there is any form of addiction. We live in a time where pornography and alcohol have become very popular coping mechanisms. The most common reason they are both turned to, aside from early exposure or something that was already brought into the marriage, is stress. They both provide quick relief and avoidance. Short term fixes with long term loss for your marriage and the spouse who is struggling. If addiction has entered your marriage, even if you have to go alone, get the help. Let a professional help guide you through this season of struggle.

If you want to hear from us a bit more and learn 4 more reasons that might mean you need some help, go check out our video on 8 Ways to Identify if Your Marriage Needs Counseling.

5 Questions to Ask your Spouse When You’ve Run Out of Things to Say

5 Questions to Ask your Spouse When You’ve Run Out of Things to Say

If you’ve been married for any length of time, it’s likely that you’ve already developed a routine in your marriage. So much so that if I were to ask you what your next week would look like, perhaps even your next month, you would likely already know—well, unless it’s 2020, then you’d have absolutely NO IDEA what to expect! Shew! Come on 2021!

Anyways, the point is, marriage can get pretty predictable and pretty mundane—not in every season, but in many. If you want to spice it up, you have to be intentional about it.

One of the ways you can get trapped in the mundane is when you run out of things to say to one another simply because you’ve become so conditioned to only talking about the “business” of your family—the work schedules, the kids, the bills, the home repairs, you name it. But at the end of it all, you might be finding yourself a bit clueless about what else there even is to say.

Well, if that’s you, you’re in the right place! We can help!

If you want conversations to flow between the two of you, it’s going to require reconnecting—and that will involve seeing each other once again, as something other than just mom and dad.

It’s time to start talking, start dreaming and start connecting, and here are the questions to get you there… 

What do you miss about us? Asking each other this allows you each to tap into that empty space you may have, the space that longs for the connection. The space that can really only be filled by one another.

When you get your answer, you have a solution. Do those things. Get back what went missing! 

When the kids are grown, what do you want our life together to look like? Moving towards future thoughts allows you to dream of more than where you are now. Not as if the now is bad, but it’s also not the end. There’s more ahead. Talk about it, dream about it and get excited.

What do you think about our sex life? Talk about what you like or dislike. Reminisce over what it was like the first time you made love. Don’t be shy, your spouse is exactly who you should share this with. An active sex life is a great gift to a marriage—and when you can talk about it, that’s better yet. Talking about the physical connection invites in the emotional connection.

Do you want to plan a vacation? Who doesn’t want to do that? Keep in mind that it doesn’t matter if you’re in a financial position or the best stage of life to do so—talk about it anyway. Make a plan for 2 years down the road. Make a plan sooner for somewhere cheap and easy. A change of locations shoves all the stress aside and brings to the surface the relaxed side of each other.

Can I tell you what I love about you? Ding—Ding—Ding!!! We have a winner! Of course, you can tell me why I’m so great, Honey! But seriously, when you get caught up in routines, another part of that is taking one another for granted. You begin to forget those things that you love and spend more time focusing on the things that you perhaps, well, don’t love. That’s not good, so go ahead and ask this question and then deliver your list—oh, special tip—know what you’re going to say before you ask this, otherwise that long pause isn’t going to go over so well!

Be intentional in your marriage, quality time and conversation won’t just happen on its own. Prioritize your marriage and then make time for the important things to happen. And, if you get to where you want to go out on a date, we’ve got you covered for that too! Check out our 25 Date Night Conversations and keep the communication going!

 

Newlywed Couple's Devotional

(for Newlywed Couples and Newlywed Wanna-Be's)

features:

•  52 Weekly Devotionals that explore common issues and themes every couple experiences, such as intimacy, love, commitment, household duties, finances, and more

•  Everyday Scripture and Reflective Bible Studies that provide practical solutions to bringing marriages closer to God

•  Action-Oriented Discussion Prompts that hold couples accountable for maintaining their God-anchored vows

•  Weekly Prayers that are specific and relevant to the topics discussed