3 Simple Ways to Deal with Disagreements

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Nov 16, 2021 | Articles

Are disagreements between you and your spouse derailing your marriage? If so, there’s good news—they don’t have to! In fact, when handled properly, disagreements can actually make your marriage stronger. When you learn how to disagree well, you are building a foundation in your marriage, a foundation that says, “We can do hard things.”

When you learn that your marriage can handle hard things it removes a lot of fear of the future. You won’t need to sweep anything under the rug, nor do you have to walk on eggshells for your spouse. Handling conflict well opens the door to deeper and more authentic communication. So, let’s get on with it, shall we?

3 Simple Ways to Deal with Disagreements

Whenever a disagreement begins, step one is to use your ears instead of your mouth. God did give you two ears and one mouth for a reason; listening is important. James 1:19 says “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” There’s an order inside that verse, listen quickly, not after you’ve stated your own case first, be slow to speak, which means you have to pause and think about how you will respond, and then, be slow to anger. That third part is basically a biproduct of putting the other two in their proper place.

All too often in marriage we get that verse all out of order and usually leave one out. We state our case, get angry and then tend to not even listen to our spouse’s side. This way doesn’t work.

You also want to look for the agreement. Whether you

realize it or not, in most of your disagreements you have a common goal. You just might have different ways of going about it. For instance, you may disagree on how to discipline your kids, but I bet you both share the common goal of having well behaved children. So, the next time you get into a disagreement pause and ask the question, “What is the goal we each want?”

Lastly, now that you’re mastering those listening skills, ask your spouse this question to understand them even more, “What is your win here?” When you ask this question, it will take the defensiveness right out of your spouse and let them know you’re on their side.

Learning to have disagreements well will indeed grow you closer and leave you more connected.

3 Simple Ways tro Deal with Disagreements

If you want tips on how to deal with conflict, be sure to check out the Expedition Marriage podcast series, How to L.O.V.E Your Way Through Conflict.

How to Handle Change as a Couple

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Nov 11, 2021 | Articles

Did you know that you and your spouse have a Change Scale? That means that you have individual abilities to adapt to change. One of you may be way more resistant to change and really would just love for everything to stay the same. The other might be a lover of change and feel as if there’s no change, there’s no growth. Then there’s a third type of person who is just fairly neutral and can take it or leave it.

Whether you are opposites or exactly the same in this category, it’s not difficult for your marriage to get out of whack when change, especially unexpected change, comes your way. And, since the only thing that doesn’t change is the fact that there will always be change, it’s going to be important for you to learn how to handle these seasons of change. Here are some ways you can not only support one another during these times, but perhaps even learn to thrive in them.

How to Handle Change as a Couple

Address those big emotions in whichever of you has them. It’s very common for the change resistant spouse to have a lot of fear regarding change. There was likely comfort in the familiar that now must be let go of. Address that. Let your spouse or you have those fears and learn to embrace them as part of the process. There is nothing wrong with being afraid of the unfamiliar. That’s totally normal.

It will be very important to not only just talk about those fears but also to provide support. Trust is a big component of change. It’s so much easier to go through change with someone who you know will be right there with you. God gives us that promise Himself, to never leave us and to always go with us in Deuteronomy 31:6. There’s great comfort in knowing you’re not alone. When the time for change comes, remind your spouse that you’re in this together.

Next, you want to make some space for any grief that is needed. Quite often change comes with letting go. Whether it is a new job, a child going to college, a move to a new state, or heck, even to a new house, be sure to support one another for any losses as well. Again, those feelings are normal. Don’t try to dispel them, shame yourself or one another for having them, or shove them down. Just have them, because when you do, it’s time for the most positive step in handling change—get excited!

Yes, excitement for what’s ahead, even if it’s unknown, is important. After all, it may be unknown to you, but it is completely known by God, and His plan is good.

Change is unavoidable, so whether you love it or hate it, you must learn how to deal with it because it’s surely coming! But, change is also a stressor for many people and when stress comes into your marriage, it’s time to be there for one another. Allow for your differences, support one another and be hopeful about what the change will bring.

If you want more on this topic, be sure to check out the Expedition Marriage podcast, and if you want to check your Life Change score and see if changes are indeed stressing you out, plus get some conversation helps to use in your marriage, be sure to click below!

xoxo, Chris & Jamie

How to Pray as a Couple

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Nov 7, 2021 | Articles

One of the best ways to divorce-proof your marriage is by becoming a couple who prays together. Research shows that couples who pray daily together only have a 1% divorce rate. With those stats why would anyone not want to become a couple who prays together?

As professional Christian counselors, this makes perfect sense. A couple who is coming together in prayer is a couple who is inviting God into their marriage—and if anyone knows marriage, it’s the Creator of it. When you pause together to pray, you are not only inviting in the Creator of your marriage, but you are also surrendering it to Him, trusting that He knows what is best and agreeing that you both want that.

Despite the research and despite what scripture tells us about the power and benefits of prayer, it can still be hard to do. Not all couples are comfortable with praying out loud. They may not know what to say or may not feel scripturally sound enough to voice a prayer. You also may be in a marriage where one of you is a biblical scholar and the other perhaps not so much. A situation like that is a playground for the Enemy to come in and wreak havoc and spread insecurity in.

How to Become a Couple who Prays Together

For starters, don’t be afraid to start small. This can be a quick laying of hands on your spouse’s back in the morning and whispering a prayer of thanks for them. You can also grab their hand in the morning and say “Lord, thank you for my wife/husband. Help them to walk in your will today. In Jesus name, Amen.”

You can also choose a time before bed when you sit together holding hands and just begin to pray silently together. This may seem insignificant, but imperfect or silent prayers will always be better than never starting.

Maybe making prayers casual and conversational will be your thing. Go for a walk and just speak out loud your prayers as you go. Tell God what you’re grateful for, pray over any stressors your spouse has shared with you, or simply pray for protection and provisions over one another. Just walk and chat with the Lord.

Finally, pray scripture. Praying scripture is a great way to start praying together. God has already provided the material for you. Here’s an example:

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” John 14:27

“Dear Lord, you are the God of peace, not chaos, in you there is no stress or overwhelm. We ask that you pour out your peace over our marriage. Clear our schedules from anything that would distract us or create stress in our lives. Help us to not be derailed from what you have for us. Let us be safe places of peace for one another and let us always run to you and not the world for peace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Praying together is a wonderful goal to have for your marriage and we encourage every couple to make it a part of their daily lives together. If you’re looking for somewhere to start or to just begin to pray for one another, you can find scripture prayers just like the one above in our free resources for husbands and wives.

Sign up to take the 30 Day Praying for Your Husband Challenge or the 30 Day Praying for Your Wife Challenge. Use them as a great way to lift one another up and as scriptures you can also come together and pray over one another together.

While you’re at it, check out our Couples Devotional too! It’s filled with great applicable devotions, conversation questions, real life stories and prayer. You can’t go wrong with any of these resources.

Here’s to giving your marriage a 99% rate of thriving and surviving!

xoxo, Chris & Jamie

5 Ways to Make Your Master Bedroom a Sanctuary

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Oct 18, 2021 | Articles

There is nothing worse than after a long day of work dealing with people, or a long day at home dealing with little people, than finally heading off to bed together to find that your room is just a reminder of more cleaning and more work you must do. You thought you were finally going to relax but your room tells you a whole other story.
It doesn’t have to be that way!

5 Simple Things you can do to Make your Room a Sanctuary

For starters, your bed must be comfortable and nice.
I’m sure that women everywhere will agree that the best way to do this is by adding some pillows. Pillows are a simple way for your bed to say, “Look how pretty and cozy I am! Come on in!” They’re also a great way to make seasonal changes to your room as well.
If you can’t do anything else, get yourself a nice comforter and some good pillows because your bed is your place of comfort, rest, and intimacy. Your marriage bed should be a desirable place to be.

It will also serve your room and marriage well to invest in good lighting. This doesn’t have to be anything fancier than a simple lamp in your room. You just want to have a way to set the mood by dimming the lights. Dim lights help to calm things down and begin your shut down process for the night. They can also help stir up some romance by changing the mood of the room.

Another way to help your room become a place of calm is to declutter. If you don’t love it or need it, it doesn’t belong in your bedroom. Your room cannot become a catch all for unfolded laundry, kids toys or things to attend to later. If you must have a place for those things, pick anywhere else aside from your room. It would be better for company to come over and need to slide some laundry and kid’s stuff over on the couch than it would be to keep it in your room. Your home is ok if it looks lived in, your bedroom should be peaceful and sacred.

You also want your room to remind you of the sweet parts of your marriage. A simple way to do that is to hang some pictures of just the two of you. Print your favorite pictures from your vacations or date nights and give them a place on your wall or on your nightstand. Let your room be a place that makes it easy to remember your love for one another.

Finally, make sure it smells good! Get an essential oil diffuser or have some candles. Choose a relaxing or mood enhancing scent like lavender and before bed each night, fill up your room with this scent. Not only will it be pleasurable, it will also be a trigger for your brain that tells it to slow down because it’s time for bed.

Life is busy, chaotic and at times overwhelming, you don’t need your room to be. Make your room a place for the two of you to unwind in, relax in, and reconnect – both physically and emotionally. You won’t regret it.

And if you want one more thing to connect you in the bedroom, we recommend our devotional that’s just for couples, the Newlywed Couple’s Devotional, for newlyweds and newlywed wannabe’s. It’s sure to increase your communication and connection.

Find out more here

Newlywed Couple's Devotional

xoxo,
Chris & Jamie

7 Signs Your Marriage May Be Emotionally Exhausting You

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Oct 3, 2021 | Articles

You might be familiar with all the feelings of burn out or emotional exhaustion; constant overwhelm, a cynical attitude, a mind that won’t turn off, and just complete unrest. Unfortunately, your marriage can be one of the things that might be driving you to all that emotional exhaustion. And if that is the case, it’s time to make some changes.

It might be your marriage draining you if…

You’re the only one investing in your marriage. You’re the one wanting and planning the date nights. You’re the one wanting to fix things and make your relationship better.
You’re the one running the whole show. All the chores, all the mundane tasks that make your household run are all falling on you.
You often feel like a single parent. Your spouse is relying on you to be the primary caretaker, bath giver, meal planner and homework overseer.
You’re constantly worried about your marriage issues. You’re finding it hard to think about anything other than what’s going on at home and in your marriage.
There’s an obvious lack of affection and sex. You’re disconnected and you know it. Your desire for your spouse is lacking, or perhaps you’re feeling resentful that their desire isn’t. They want sex and you don’t, or neither of you have any interest.
You can’t seem to have a conversation without it turning into a fight. Regardless of your best effort, everything you talk about takes a negative turn.
You no longer feel like yourself in their presence. You may find yourself just wanting to be alone instead of with them. Just being around them is anxiety inducing.

If you’re experiencing any of these signs it’s time to get a plan of action together. That may mean asking for some professional help, the help of a mentor couple, or just choosing to tackle these issues one at a time. 3 Things to Do When Your Marriage is Struggling, is a simple place to start. Just decide to do something, because if left unresolved, any one of these struggles could leave you resentful, depressed, anxiety ridden, isolated, and, well, emotionally exhausted. And that won’t be good for you or for your marriage.

It’s time to make some changes and we are here to help!

Cheering you on!
xoxo, Chris & Jamie

*Disclaimer: The information discussed here is meant for entertainment purposes and is not meant to replace counseling or working with a trained healthcare professional.

Christian Marriage Biblical Counsel & Coaching

Do you feel like you are all alone in your marriage?

Are your schedules so busy with work and taking care of your family that you are simply too tired to connect?

Wouldn’t it be great if you could move from exhausted and alone to connected and supported?

To feel like you were part of a team?

Use Coupon Code: PODCAST20
for 20% off the regular price of $34.97

Find Out More