How to Use Your Marriage as Your Best Parenting Tool

How to Use Your Marriage as Your Best Parenting Tool

by | Sep 18, 2021 | Articles

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6

As parents, you have the job to train up your children in the way they should go, which means it’s on you to teach them how to live their lives by God’s principles. While this will involve a lot of intentional teaching and directing, more importantly it will involve a lot of modeling. And there’s nothing your kids have access to more than your marriage and what goes on inside your home. 

By default, your children are learning key things about life just from watching you and how you and your spouse interact. They will learn key things like:

 

  • How to communicate
  • How to have conflict and how to feel about conflict
  • How to love
  • How to be in relationship with others,
    and most importantly,
  • How to be in relationship with Jesus

    What this means for you, Mom and Dad, is that you not only have to be intentional about teaching them these things, but you also must be aware of the ways you may be unintentionally teaching them wrong things.

The good news here is that investing in your marriage and taking responsibility for what you are bringing to the marriage table is half the battle. There are so many good dividends for you, your marriage, and your children simply by investing in your marriage and making it a priority.

All too often as parents, you want to prioritize the kids and put all your focus on them, but the best way you can help your children become successful in life, both mentally and emotionally, is by investing in your marriage. Your safe, connected, loving, God-centered home, will provide the perfect place for them to thrive, grow and learn.

It’s time to not just correct and guide your children, but to also lead them by example.

If you’d like an easy way to assess your marriage and see how you’re doing, grab a free Marriage Evaluation Card for you and your spouse, and take an honest look at your strengths and growth areas as a couple – because when you know better, you can do better.

As always, we’re here to help you Enjoy the Journey!

xoxo, Chris & Jamie

6 Ways to Fall Back In Love With Your Husband

6 Ways to Fall Back In Love With Your Husband

by | Aug 31, 2021 | Articles

I bet you never thought you’d be reading an article with this title, did you? And yet, here you are. It’s probably safe to say that you’re struggling in your marriage, but don’t worry, I’ve got some good news for you—you’re here! And that’s big! 

You’re already doing the very first thing you need to do. You’re trying.

Another piece of good news is that falling back in love IS POSSIBLE!

Yep, that’s right. Love, while most know it as a feeling, is also a choice. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 gives us an entire list of actions you can choose to actively love your husband with. And guess what? There are no rules that say you have to actually feel like doing these things to start them, but here you go:

 

  • Patience
  • Kindness
  • Selflessness
  • Being slow to anger
  • Letting go of wrongs
  • Not keeping score
  • and so on…

It’s important to know that while you’re waiting on feelings to return, you can still choose love. I also think it’s safe to say that God is going to use all that love in action to reignite that missing spark—which leads me to the third piece of good news—He is for your marriage, so you’ve got a HUGE power player on your side!

How to Fall Back in Love with your Husband

Typically, there is a reason for losing those feelings of love, and it’s usually because you have not felt loved or been treated, what you would call well, by your husband. You may have been begging him to plug into your marriage for a while and now that he finally has, your heart has moved on, and it feels too late. Before you completely shut that door, I hope you will give these things a try and allow God to redeem and restore what has been lost.

Start here:

Practice gratitude. Focus on what your husband does right.
Focus on what you do still like about him and be thankful for those things. It can be as simple as, “I’m grateful for a husband who cooks dinner—who is a good father, heck, a husband who puts the toilet lid down.” Walking with an attitude of gratitude has a lot of benefits, one of them being it ignites love.

Remember he is God’s son. If you have children, you already know how you want them to be treated. God is no different. Just like you would want your child to be valued, respected, and cared for, that’s what God wants for His children too. Focus on him as a child of God instead of a husband you’re no longer sure about.

Play and have fun. Go back and focus on your friendship again. Friendship and fun are a foundational part of any healthy relationship. If you’re looking to fall back in love, it’s important to focus on liking your husband first!

Get to know him better. People grow and change over time, and chances are your husband has too. Start asking him questions that will help you learn more about him and understand where he’s at in life right now. We’ve made this easier for you with some questions we’ve created for you to use in our It’s Time to Talk free download. 

Pray for him. It’s difficult to have bad feelings towards someone you are praying for. On top of that, praying for him also invites God in to work in his life as well as yours. If you really want to level up with this one, you can take our 30 Day Praying for your Husband Challenge.

Lastly, Relax and take the pressure off. While you’re working on your marriage and trying to fall back in love with your husband, be sure to not work too hard. Make room for your love to naturally unfold like it did when you first fell in love. Remember those days and what you loved about him then and just take the pressure off and allow it to happen all over again.


Here’s to a new and renewed love.

xoxo,
Chris & Jamie

3 Ways to Make Time for Studying God’s Word Together

3 Ways to Make Time for Studying God’s Word Together

by | Aug 4, 2021 | Articles

There are so many benefits to reading God’s Word together—which is exactly why the Enemy will try to distract you from doing it. But how much time you get in the Word is not his say, it’s yours.

And trust us when we say that you don’t want to be found waiting for the perfect time, a silent home where you can completely focus, or circumstances that make it just right. Heck, you probably won’t get much past Genesis chapter 1 if you’re waiting for the ideal time to make it happen! You’re just going to have to roll up your sleeves, accept that it may not be perfect, and make it happen simply because it’s a priority.

All of it being on you is the bad news AND the good news! Bad, because it’s harder and you must be diligent, but good, because it leaves YOU in control. And, if you know God’s Word, then you’ll know that one of the benefits you have is knowing that the Holy Spirit that lives inside you is bigger and more powerful than the Enemy opposing you. He has equipped you with all you need to prioritize this time.

So, let’s get started, shall we…

3 Things to Help you Make Time for Getting in God’s Word Together

Adjust your mindset. Getting in God’s Word together is a gift, not a chore. It’s not something you have to stress out over doing. Take the pressure off and don’t make it a task that needs to be checked off. Instead, look at it as life for your marriage, the breath that fuels it. As much as you naturally desire your lungs to be filled, desire the same for your marriage. His Word is a good gift. The more you see it as such, the more you will begin to naturally crave it. You don’t have to study it, you get to.

Choose your most alive time as a couple. Are you early bird coffee drinkers? Are you night owls who enjoy moments in bed together at night? Figure this out. What time of the day is your sweet spot as a couple? It may not be realistic to get in His Word if you’ve both been busy all day with work or kids and you’re ready to collapse at night. Bible study would then just become one more thing to do. It also may not be realistic to plan on it every day of the week when you know that your schedule won’t allow enough time together. Don’t set yourselves up to fail. Be realistic and plan times and amounts that work for the both of you, or be willing to switch if your best, most alive times are different.

Get creative. Studying God’s Word together should be a pleasurable time of connection. There are so many ways to study the Bible. You can choose a book like Proverbs to go through, you can do an actual Bible study workbook together, you can watch video led lessons, or you can think out of the box and read a Christian book and then dive deeper by bringing God’s word into it.

You can also study separately and then meet to discuss it, or you can take turns reading it together. The goal, once again, is to make it work for you as a couple. You have the freedom to get as creative as you’d like.

Your time together in God’s Word should be life giving to you as individuals and as a couple. If you really want to start somewhere, you can also check out the Newlywed Couple’s Devotional, the devotional for newlyweds and all newlywed wanna be’s. It comes complete with 52 weeks of devotions, scripture, prayers and meaningful and connecting questions written with both the husbands and wives in mind.

You can grab a copy below!

Get It Here

Sexless Marriage – Why You Shouldn’t Settle For One

Sexless Marriage – Why You Shouldn’t Settle For One

by | Aug 2, 2021 | Articles

Are you in a sexless marriage? Ooh, we’ve got some talking to do!

First of all, let’s define a sexless marriage, shall we? A sexless marriage is one where you are having sex less than once a month or less than 10 times a year. Keep in mind that there are circumstances where this might be necessary or temporarily normal. Newborn babies, medical issues, mental health struggles, medications, just to name a few, are all reasons why your sex life might be down in the dumps for the time being.

And while this information may be helpful, those are issues that usually need to be addressed first… But for the rest of you who are just lacking the desire for sex, wanting more but are married to someone who doesn’t, or you’re just living as two disconnected ships passing in the night, keep reading.

Common reasons for a lack of sex
– and what to do about them

Disconnection.
If you are not emotionally, spiritually and mentally connected as a couple, odds are that you won’t be doing much physical connecting either.  This is especially true for women. If you as a woman don’t feel love, you likely won’t be interested in making it. The catch 22 is that women want to feel emotionally connected in order to have sex, where men often feel the most emotionally connected
when they have sex.

How do you fix this disconnection? You start talking! Make space for daily connection. You talk about your interests and goals, you plan date nights where you don’t talk about the kids, and you learn how to share your feelings and your life with one another.

Do you feel like you are all alone in your marriage?

Are your schedules so busy with work and taking care of your family that you are simply too tired to connect?

Wouldn't it be great if you could move from exhausted and alone to connected and supported?

To feel like you were part of a team?

Only $49.99.

Restoring Connection Plan 4 week online course to promote connection points and create connecting habits to improve communication and connection
Find Out More

Another great way to connect is by taking 2 minutes out of your day to do something that we call the 60 Second Blessing. You can grab yourself a copy with the instructions HERE. It takes one minute from each of you, and it will surely start those sparks of emotional connection once again!

Stress.
We can all collectively say that life has been hard as of late. Perhaps your marriage is experiencing a season of change or has some added stressors, or perhaps you’re in crisis and haven’t been connected on any level, much less the physical kind, in a long time. 

What’s the solution for that? Address the problem! No more sweeping it under the rug, no more waiting for it to fix itself. It’s time to roll up your sleeves and get to work. This might mean professional counseling, some heart-to-heart chats, a marriage workshop, or just forcing yourself to get out of denial. 

Another more lighthearted, yet powerful tip, is to start having fun. Play some games together, watch a comedy, start a new hobby or sport together. Friendship is the gas on the fire of sex. Think back to your dating days, what did you do for fun? Do those things! Make fun a priority once again.

The final disruptor of sex is pornography.
 Pornography is no longer a subject we can stick our heads in the sand over. It’s here and it’s rampant. A big issue with porn and marriage is that you connect to whatever brings you pleasure, and for many men, some women too, what brings them pleasure is on a screen. The screen becomes what they crave and desire, and while you should be connecting and bonding to one another, instead bonding to the screen is taking place. 

If this is you or your marriage, you are not alone, 47% of families say that pornography is a problem and it currently produces more income than the NFL, NBA and MLB… combined. The solution? Kick porn to the curb. It will never be something that enhances your marriage, and left unchecked it can easily destroy not only your sex life, but also your marriage.

The truth here is this; sex is a part of the plan for a healthy, Godly marriage. God designed it for reproduction, pleasure, comfort, and connection. It is the physical manifestation of two becoming one. It should be both physically and emotionally fulfilling, beautiful, and connecting for BOTH of you. So, whatever it is that’s interrupting your sex life, it’s worth it to fix it. You deserve great sex in your marriage!

If you want more on this hot topic, check out Episode 17 of the Expedition Marriage Podcast:
Let’s Talk about Sex.

Here to help you Enjoy The Journey
xoxo, Chris & Jamie

The Happily Date Night Box with 1st Date Night for Free and 25% off for the rest of your dates on the subscription.

We’ve been telling you of the power of having a date night, now we are giving you one for free!!!

Just pay shipping ($7.99) for your first FULLY PLANNED date night box PLUS get 25% off all other boxes for the life of the promo with code: EXPEDITIONMARRIAGE

Get Your Free Box

The Secret to Getting Your Husband to Listen

The Secret to Getting Your Husband to Listen

by | Jul 26, 2021 | Articles

Have you ever thought about how great it would be if your husband could read your mind? Wouldn’t it be so much easier if you didn’t ever have to actually ask for what you need or want?

I mean, it is hard to understand why they don’t see a sink full of dishes and know you’d love some help.

And how come when they hear the kids yelling, they don’t think to automatically respond and see what they need?

And why is it so hard for them to realize that you hate it when they’re on their phones when you’re trying to have some quality time with them?

While it’s unlikely your husband will ever get good at reading your mind, there actually are some things you can do that will help him hear and understand your needs.

Wife Communication Hacks to Help your Husband to Hear you.

Don’t ask backwards.
Wives can often have a tendency to ask for what they want in the form of a complaint. They do this because there’s less risk of rejection or disappointment involved. And let’s be honest, it just feels better when they see you and what you need without having to be told. Here’s what this may look like:

“There’s so much junk on the floor!”
“I’m so tired of the trash always being full.”
 “I’m so exhausted.” 

Now, as women, we can all figure out what these things translate into, but don’t expect your husband to. The next time you want to drop the not-so-subtle hints to your husband via a complaint, instead, be direct and ask for what you need.

“Can you please help me pick up the kids’ stuff off the floor?”
“Hey babe, can you take the trash out?”
“I’m so tired, do you mind if I go take a bath and go to bed early?”

It sounds so simple, but you will have a far better chance at getting what you need when you actually ask for it.

Include your reason.
When you start learning to ask for what you need or when you have a real concern you need to share, instead of just asking for it, include what it would mean to you if you got it or how it would help you feel. This clear communication will share the true need you have behind your ask. Here’s an example:

“I really need you to put your phone down at the dinner table. It would really help me to feel like you wanted to spend time with me and the kids if you did.”
“I would love it if you could help me bathe the kids at night. It would help me be able to feel more relaxed and not so stressed at night before bed.”

Sharing your why gives a much larger incentive to understand and meet your need. Most husbands actually do want their wives to feel like they want to spend time with them, and they do want them to be able to relax. This type of communication lets them see into your heart and understand what the real need is. It’s risky to be vulnerable, but over time vulnerability creates true connection.

Set him up for success.
No one ever feels motivated from being told all that they’re not doing or all that they’re doing wrong. Your husband is more likely to shut down the second something negative comes out of your mouth—for the record, you would too. He may have a history of not listening or disappointing you, but it will never get better if you start with negativity. That only serves to be met with defensiveness, or in a lot of men, avoidance.  Try not reminding him of how many times he forgot something, didn’t do something or how he “always” or “never” does this or that. Skip all that commentary and go right to the steps above. The simpler and more direct you keep it, the more likely he will be to really listen.

If you want to really have your voice be heard, check out the Expedition Marriage podcast and episode 34 to hear What Wives Really Want, and let us do the talking for you!

As always, we’re here to help you… Enjoy the Journey!

xoxo, Chris & Jamie

It’s Here!

The Expedition Marriage Podcast!

​

We’re bringing our support to your favorite podcast platform.

Subscribe so you can don’t miss an episode.

Learn More