Today’s show is the first part of a two-part series on Gratefulness. And oh, what a time we live in for living with an attitude of gratitude. If you can pull off walking in gratefulness during this season, you will surely be recognized as someone who is set apart!
Join us today to learn the power that being grateful can have in your marriage. We’re also going to share with you a quick tip on how to start working on being grateful in the everyday life with your spouse. You don’t want to miss this episode!
Having a Weekly Marriage Check In can change your marriage.
Every marriage requires investment. In fact, anything we want to grow and prosper usually involves an investment of time and energy.
One of the best ways to have a successful and fulfilling marriage, aside from God being in the center of it, is to spend time together. And I’m not talking about hanging out on the couch or being in the same room while one of you does the dishes and the others gets the kids ready for bed. I’m talking about intentional time—time that is purposeful.
Time to connect and time to check in.
Here are some ways that we recommend prioritizing this important check in connection that every married couple needs:
Let’s start simple—Schedule it—yep, actually make time for it. Get your weekly check in time on your schedule and stick to it. We recommend a Sunday afternoon or evening if possible—one without distractions if you can swing it. Choosing this time allows you to prepare for the week ahead.
Next, spend some time face to face. We say this because getting face to face has some seriously good benefits. Eye contact alone sends some great messages to the brain. It lets it know that you are seen, recognized and validated. The longer you hold that eye contact, the better. Face to face time also lets your brain know that your spouse is not an enemy, and in fact, that they’re actually someone safe who is granted permission into your life. This is why if you’ve ever been in a spat while driving in the car and one of you (we won’t say which one–but I’ve got a good guess), scoots over and turns and stares out the window. What has happened is pain or hurt has entered in and safety has been temporarily removed, so the natural self protective thing to do is to look away.
The bottom line is this, when you get face to face, you let your guards down and you connect.
Now it’s time to check in. This is the space where you simply ask one another, “How are you,–how are you, really?” Let each other in on your stressors, on your celebrations and on any other ways you’ve been feeling.
Keeping the conversation going, it’s time to ask about each other’s schedules for the week. Once you emotionally connect, it’s time to get practical. Run your weekly agendas by each another. Put any scheduled events on a mutual calendar so you both know what each other has going on. This allows you to enter into the week with a plan.
Now it’s time to wrap it up by asking each other “Is there anything you need from me for this week?It’s time to be a resource to each other. Maybe picking up take out on a busy day is required or maybe one of you might need some free time scheduled in because of an extra hectic week ahead. Get used to asking each other for help. There is no greater resource you each should have beyond one another. This is a same team approach. Ask your partner about their needs.
Lastly, wrap it up in prayer.Pause and pray together. If you want to learn more about the Power of Praying for your Spouse, check out this episode on our podcast. But go ahead and thank God for the time to be able to pause and lift up any prayers for the week ahead.
Ultimately, when you make time for your marriage, you’re actually saving time that’s normally lost in arguing, hectic schedules and weekly blindsides.
*Disclaimer: The information discussed here is meant for entertainment purposes and is not meant to replace counseling or working with a trained healthcare professional.
It’s Here!
The Expedition Marriage Podcast!
We’re bringing our support to your favorite podcast platform.
Or, if it is, is it just smooth sailing after that?
Tune in today and find out as we talk about 4 things that might be making that 7 year, or perhaps that 2 year, 10 year, or even 20 year itch a problem in your marriage. Oh, and don’t worry, we will help you know what to do and give you some strategies to keep those nasty itches from popping up in the first place!
While wearing masks on Halloween can be totally acceptable and actually rather fun, where it really starts getting scary is when we wear them with one another in our marriage. There can be real danger in not allowing your spouse to see who you really are.
We’re sharing the top 3 masks we see couples trying to put on, and what they think they’re achieving by hiding behind them.
If you want to know how to have solid communication and have some opportunities to grow and connect, check out our new book, Newlywed Couple’s Devotional, for newlyweds and for newlywed wannabes!
Do you remember being a kid and having a peer, a teacher, or perhaps even a parent, either in gest or intentionally speak a word to you that stung your heart to the point where you physically felt the dagger? Maybe it was the boy who told you your nose was too big, the teacher who said how disappointed they were in you, or the parent who told you that you were always a bother?
I think we all know what it’s like to have harsh words come at us, but in addition to harsh words, there are also dismissive words that can hurt too. These are the words that we might be frequently saying to our spouse, and if we’re honest, those can sting just a little bit more. God has given us words to speak life or to speak death, and when it comes to our spouse especially, we need to be choosing life.
One of the quickest ways to ignite fury in your spouse is to tell them to “Calm down.” Now, I know that those words don’t seem harsh or abrasive, but the problem with them is the meaning behind them. What this phrase means is, “What is wrong with you? Why can’t you have self-control like me?” These are words that claim superiority, and they are demeaning. They take advantage of someone who is already upset and in a vulnerable position. Ever seen someone pour gas on a fire? Well, this is doing that with words.
The next phrase you don’t want to come out of your mouth is “Stop worrying.” These words are dismissive. They tell your spouse that their concerns are no big deal, when in fact, they are feeling very valid to them. Give your spouse permission to be afraid, and then remind them that you are right there with them in their fears. Your spouse’s worrying is a great opportunity for you to pray for them or just let them know they’re not alone. Focus on that instead.
Another phrase that can get us into a little bit of trouble is when we tell our spouse, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” The truth is we all have every right to feel however we want to about things. There is no right or wrong in what we feel. There is a right or wrong in the actions that follow our feelings, but that’s not what we’re talking about here. When we tell our spouse their feelings aren’t valid, we’re also telling them that their thoughts and opinions don’t matter. That will obviously not go anywhere good.
So, the next time you want to open your mouth and let one of these phrases roll off your tongue, pause and think about it. As the Message Bible version tells us in Proverbs 21:23, “Watch your words and hold your tongue; you’ll save yourself a lot of grief.”
If you want to discuss this more or hear one more phrase not to say, or perhaps learn what to say instead, check out what we have to say on episode 4 of The Expedition Marriage podcast, What Not to Say to Your Spouse.
It’s Here!
The Expedition Marriage Podcast!
We’re bringing our support to your favorite podcast platform.
One of the best ways to have a successful and fulfilling marriage, aside from God being in the center of it, is to spend time together. And I’m not talking about hanging out on the couch or being in the same room while one of you does the dishes and the others gets the kids ready for bed. I’m talking about intentional time—time that is purposeful.
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