4 Sure Fire Ways to Ruin Date Night

4 Sure Fire Ways to Ruin Date Night

by | Feb 12, 2024 | Articles, Intimacy & Connection, Parenting & Family

4 Sure Fire Ways to Ruin Date Night

If you’ve been married any length of time, especially if you have children, then you know that planning a date night is not as simple as it once was while you were dating. Since it’s hard enough to get a date night on the books, the last thing you want to do is ruin it when you’re on one!

So, you’d be wise to take note of these 4 things that can ruin a date night:

Let’s start by stating the obvious and go with the importance of staying off your phone. This means don’t pick it up, don’t look at it, and certainly don’t use it. If you’ve got kids at home and need to be reachable for them or on call for something important, make sure you can hear it and keep it hidden. This lets your spouse know you are their priority and want uninterrupted time together. 

Even something as simple as having your phone on the table at a restaurant says, “I’m paying attention to you now, but the second that little thing makes a noise, I’m out.” Your best bet is to put it down, silence it, and keep it out of sight. 

Another way to ruin a date night is to talk about problems. This isn’t the time to vent about work, complain about the kids, or point out how your spouse needs to start loading the dishwasher correctly. Bringing up negative things on a date night quickly kills the mood during your time together. Keep in mind that these things are important to talk about, just not on a date.

One more buzzkill to a great night out is to be too self-focused. Try to ask your spouse questions instead of just talking about yourself. Need some help? Check out 5 Questions to Ask Your Spouse When You’ve Run Out of Things to Say. Don’t only ask good questions but also focus on being a good listener. This way, by the end of the night, your spouse will feel seen, heard, and cared for. 

Lastly, not prioritizing your date nights will for sure make them flop. Your night doesn’t have to be perfect, but showing your spouse they matter by prioritizing time with them and putting some effort into planning goes a long way. If you struggle in the ideas department but want to prioritize date night, then we have a gift for you!

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Navigating Intimacy: 7 Tips for When You Have a Higher Sex Drive than Your Husband

Navigating Intimacy: 7 Tips for When You Have a Higher Sex Drive than Your Husband

by | Feb 5, 2024 | Articles, Intimacy & Connection, Parenting & Family

We live in a society where it’s not uncommon to hear about the great need for sex that men have. But the truth is that God designed sex for both husbands and wives, and how much or how little they each desire sex can be varied. It is true that more men statistically have higher sex drives than their wives, but in 1 out of every 4 marriages, it’s the wife who has the higher drive. 

What do you do in this stigmatized situation that feels like things are backward?

As a woman with a higher sex drive, it’s likely that your first instinct is to wonder why you’re not desirable to your husband. This form of thinking is self-protective and likely not even close to being the reality of the situation.

There are many reasons why our sex drives are different, and they’re usually not related to our spouse’s attractiveness. It’s actually far more likely for a wife not to have sex with her husband for this reason than it is the other way around. But constantly asking your husband if he’s attracted to you or questioning why he isn’t will not head you in the direction you’d like to go.

For starters, mismatched sex drives are entirely normal. When it can become a problem is when there are sudden drops in libido, slow fades because you’re disconnected as a couple, or when other health issues or aging are factors. Some of these can be addressed and fixed, and others you can learn to adjust to in beautiful and healthy ways. The couple affected by chronic pain, medical issues, or just the aging couple can all still have great sex.

 

Here are some insights and practical tips to foster a healthy and satisfying intimate connection when sex drives differ:


  1. Open and Honest Communication:
    Good communication is important when it comes to the health of a marriage, especially when it comes to physical connection. Good communication leads to emotional connection, which often leads to physical connection. Believe it or not, husbands want emotional connection, too.
higher sex drive

    You also need to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about your respective needs, desires, and expectations. Create a safe space where both of you can express your feelings without judgment. Make inquiries about health, his mental and physical state, stress levels, or any obstacles that may decrease his libido. Determine if he’s worried about it or if he feels your sex drive is just higher. 

    1. Understand Each Other’s Perspectives:
      Take the time to understand each other’s perspectives on intimacy. Acknowledge that everyone’s libido is unique, and factors such as stress, health, and personal experiences can influence it. Understanding one another’s point of view will foster empathy and strengthen your emotional connection.
      If your husband says it’s not a lack of desire for you, believe him. If you disregard how he really feels, you will likely make him feel inadequate or defective in some way. Remember, a lower sex drive for him can be entirely normal and does not signify a problem, so it’s important to make him feel like he is not flawed in this area.
    1. Prioritize Quality Over Quantity:
      Focus on letting quality trump quantity when it comes to intimacy. Instead of focusing solely on frequency, concentrate on the quality of your intimate moments. Ensure that both of you feel emotionally connected and satisfied, regardless of the frequency. When you are physically intimate, be fully present and make the most out of it. 
    1. Schedule Intimacy:
      While it may sound unromantic, scheduling intimacy can be a practical solution to ensure that both partners’ needs are met. This approach allows for anticipation and planning, creating a dedicated space for intimate connection amidst busy schedules. At the end of the day, we schedule and make room for the things that are important to us.

    5. Seek Professional Guidance:
    If the differences in sexual desire become a significant source of tension, consider seeking the guidance of a marriage counselor. Professionals can provide insights, tools, and strategies to navigate these challenges and enhance intimacy.

    6. Address Potential Underlying Issues:
    If there are potential medical reasons or other underlying issues, such as stress, hormonal imbalances, or unresolved marriage issues, address them. Get hormones checked, see the doctor together, or get counseling. Your marriage is worth it.

    7. Focus on Overall Relationship Health:Remember that a healthy intimate life is just one aspect of a thriving relationship. Focus on nurturing other aspects of your connection, such as emotional intimacy, communication, and shared activities. A well-rounded relationship can contribute to a more fulfilling and harmonious marriage.

     

    Navigating a situation where you have a higher sex drive requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to explore new approaches.

    By fostering open communication and mutual respect, you can create a space where both of you feel valued and satisfied in your intimate connection. Remember, it’s about finding a balance that works for both of you and enhances the overall well-being of your relationship. Mismatched sex drives don’t have to be a problem to be solved. They can often be an opportunity to connect in so many other ways.

    Want more Christian Marriage content? Check out the Expedition Marriage Podcast with Chris and Jamie Bailey.

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    Nurturing a Christ-Centered Marriage: 5 Practical Ways to Include Jesus Daily

    Nurturing a Christ-Centered Marriage: 5 Practical Ways to Include Jesus Daily

    by | Jan 22, 2024 | Articles

    Your marriage is a sacred bond, and integrating your faith into the daily fabric of your relationship as believers in Jesus is essential. Following the teachings of Jesus and incorporating His presence into your marriage will deepen your connection and provide a spiritual foundation for your marriage. 

    If you want to incorporate some practical and meaningful ways to include Jesus in your marriage on a daily basis, here’s where you can start:

    Practical and Meaningful Ways to Include Jesus in Your Marriage Daily

    Start the Day with Prayer: How you begin your day matters, and when you start by inviting Jesus into your marriage through prayer, you’re giving your marriage the best place to launch from. This can be as simple as a shared moment where you express gratitude, seek guidance, and ask for blessings in your relationship. Praying in unity will set a positive tone for the day and reinforce your commitment to having a Christ-centered marriage.

    Read and Reflect on Scripture Together: Take time each day to read and reflect on passages from the Bible together. This can be a shared devotional time where you discuss the teachings of Jesus and how they apply to your lives as a couple. Whether you’re a newlywed or not, we recommend the Newlywed Couples Devotional as a great resource to discuss scripture together and practically apply it to your marriage. You can also choose scriptures that resonate with your current experiences and challenges or share a daily Psalm or Proverb with one another. 

    Attend Church Services Together: Regular attendance at church gives you a shared spiritual experience for the week. Worshiping together and engaging in community can strengthen your connection to your faith and to each other. Corporate gatherings in the church also create a sense of community and give you support as a couple. 

    Pray for Each Other and Your Marriage: Daily pray for your spouse and your marriage. Lift each other up in prayer, asking for strength, wisdom, and God’s blessings. This practice fosters a sense of unity and demonstrates a commitment to supporting each other spiritually. Don’t know where to start? Check out the free 30 Day Praying for Your Husband  or Wife challenge!

    Practice Gratitude Together: Cultivate an attitude of gratitude within your marriage. Take time each day to express appreciation for your spouse and the blessings in your life. Focus on and acknowledge what your spouse does right each day instead of on any flaws they have or mistakes they make. 

    Incorporating Jesus into your marriage daily will transform your marriage

    By weaving prayer, scripture, and Christian values into your daily relationship, you will create a foundation that will withstand the tests of time. Remember, the consistent, intentional efforts to include Jesus are what will strengthen your marriage and bring you closer to each other and to God.

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    Unveiling Red Flags in Marriage: 5 Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore

    Unveiling Red Flags in Marriage: 5 Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore

    by | Jan 8, 2024 | Articles

    Marriage is a journey that is filled with both challenges and victories. While some level of conflict is normal and healthy in any relationship, there are certain signs—red flags—that should not be overlooked. Recognizing these warning signs is crucial if you want to have a healthy and thriving marriage.

    Watch Out for these Red Flags

    Lack of Communication:

    Communication is foundational for a strong marriage. When open, honest communication isn’t present and important conversations become challenging, it may be a sign that deeper issues are present. Pay attention to avoidance of topics or persistent misunderstandings because those are traits that can lead to emotional disconnection.

    Lack of Intimacy:

    Physical and emotional intimacy are integral components of a thriving marriage. If you’re experiencing a decline in affection, emotional closeness, or interest in each other’s lives, then your marriage needs some attention and exploration to figure out what is happening. A lack of intimacy will eat away at your marriage. 

    A Lack of Trust

    Trust is the bedrock of a healthy relationship. Signs of suspicion, jealousy, secrecy, or broken promises should not be ignored. If you can’t trust your spouse, you will have nothing to build your relationship on. Addressing trust issues when they first come up is essential to prevent the erosion of the foundation upon which your marriage is built.

    A Lack of Peace:

    While disagreements are natural, persistent and unresolved conflicts that remove the peace in your marriage can be detrimental. Constant arguing, an inability to resolve issues, or the recurrence of old problems are red flags that should serve as a clue that you need to start seeking help in finding constructive solutions. Unresolved and repetitive conflict leads to even more disconnection. 

    A Lack of Safety:

    Any form of abuse, whether emotional or physical, is a serious red flag that should never be tolerated. Seeking professional help and creating a safety plan are crucial steps in addressing abuse within a marriage. It’s never okay to be yelled at, name-called, gaslighted, controlled, or physically harmed. If your marriage fits in this category, check out this podcast episode, Enough is Enough.  

    If you ignore red flags in your marriage, you are inviting in resentment

    If resentment is present, it won’t be long until things start falling apart at a rapid pace. Resentment is like poison for your marriage and can only be tolerated for so long. 

    While these red flags serve as warning signs, it’s important to remember that every marriage is unique, and all couples face challenges differently. Addressing issues when they come up through open communication, empathy, and a willingness to seek professional help when needed can help you navigate the struggles of your marriage and help you build a resilient, fulfilling, God-honoring marriage.

    Your marriage is meant to give God glory, be a good example of love for your children, friends, and family, and be a supportive, loving lifelong partnership, and it’s okay to want it to be all of that. 

    If you see any of these red flags, check out our Restoring Connection Course   or our How to L.O.V.E. Your Way Through Conflict Course. 

    3 Things Your Husband Needs to Know

    3 Things Your Husband Needs to Know

    by | Dec 4, 2023 | Articles

    I don’t know about you, but one of my greatest blessings is supporting my husband in becoming all God made him to be. That’s why I want him to know these things, and I hope you make sure your husband knows them, too.

    3 things your husband needs to know

    3 Things Your Husband Needs to Know

    1. He is allowed to fail.

    Men can have such a great fear of failure, so much so that it holds them back in life. You may not know this, but if there’s a risk of failure, many men won’t even try. Their fear of failure is not something they will usually tell you, but it is a reason behind some of their lack of change or repeatedly pulling back from things. Ultimately, if they fail, they believe that they themselves are a failure. 

    It’s good to let your husband know that you support him in his failures. Beyond that, I always remind my husband that failure is only possible if he quits; everything else is part of the learning curve of growth. I want him to know that I will still be there for him no matter what.

    2. You Support Him

    You also want him to know that you support him going for it, whatever “it” is.  This can be difficult because wives tend to be a little more risk-averse. I know I am! Safety and security are something many wives long for from their husbands, and if we’re honest, some of the things they want to do feel a bit too risky for us.

    While this doesn’t mean you need to approve of every exciting thing he wants to go after, it does mean you need to let him know that you’ll pursue dreams and risks with him. Let him take some risks because those risks often pay off the most, and your belief in him matters a lot. 

    3.You See His Potential

    Lastly, make sure he knows about all the potential you see in him. Let him know that you want more for him and that you don’t want him to settle for being anything less than God made him to be. 

    When your husband is dealing with the fear of failure or when he’s feeling inadequate, there’s nothing better for him than you calling out his potential, showing your belief in him, and cheering him on. What you think of him matters far more than you might know or than he might ever lead on.

    Ensure he knows he can try and fail, and you will still cheer him on.

    Don’t just let him, but also want him to take risks and not be led by fear. Have a desire for him to know that his effort will always mean more to you than his results. 

    If you want to hear more on this topic, check out the Expedition Marriage podcast, Episode 85, What Exactly is a Help Mate? 

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