What Happens When You Don’t Pray for Your Marriage?

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Nov 20, 2023 | Articles

Before my husband and I became followers of Jesus, we spent zero time praying over our marriage and one another. Every type of healing or help we tried to find came through some very white knuckles. It was exhausting. Trying to control your tongue, have patience, and be supportive in a trial are very difficult without the help and power of the Holy Spirit.

The truth is—When you don’t pray for your marriage, you get the results of what you can do. When you do pray, you get the results of what God can do. And let me tell you, there’s a difference.

Marriage requires a lot of supernatural power. Without God’s help, we’re only going to thrive so much. We need His help with all of the patience, grace, perseverance, steadfast love, wisdom, humility, and willingness to grow that marriage requires of us—to name a few things!

Therefore, one of the best things you can do for your marriage is to pray constantly. Ask for the Lord’s help. Ask for His wisdom that He promises to pour out abundantly on you. (James 1:5) Let His love flow freely into you so it can flow freely into your spouse through you.

God is always there, ready to provide, and our marriages need all the support they can get nowadays. There’s no need to let your white knuckles or pride get in the way of seeking the Lord’s help.

Simple ways to seek God’s help through prayer.

Pray for the protection of your marriage every day.
Pray for the Lord to reveal any areas where you need to grow or change.
Pray for the Holy Spirit to work in the life of your spouse.
Pray for God’s will to be done in your lives as individuals and as a couple.
Pray for your marriage to be used for His glory.

If you want more ways to pray for one another, check out our free 30 Day Praying for Your Husband or Wife Challenge!

30 Day Praying for your Wife Challenge

Husbands...Men, if you’re ready to impact your wife's life and encourage her to become
all that God has created her to be, then you're in the right place!

Find Out More Here

30 Day Praying for your Husband Challenge

Wives, if you’re ready to impact your husband’s life and encourage him to become
all that God has created him to be, then you're in the right place!

Find Out More Here

4 Must Have Marriage Habits for Christian Couples

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Oct 28, 2023 | Articles

Do you have any goals for your marriage? Have you ever sat down and talked about where you’d like to be as a married couple years down the road? When we were first married, we always wanted to grow old together and be that cute little couple you see holding hands while on a walk or sitting across the table laughing with one another. We could see ourselves all wrinkled and thriving in love.

We’ve had many goals through the years; some were to make more money, to have a certain number of kids, to buy a home, to get careers we wanted, and to be in better shape. You name it, we’ve probably dreamt of achieving it.

But the truth is, goals don’t get you anywhere. Goals without good habits, anyway.

Habits are where it’s at when you have big things you want to accomplish in life, and I’m assuming a happy and thriving marriage is one of those things. Your marriage will only be as good as your habits, so you must be sure you have some good ones!

Things to incorporate DAILY into your marriage :

Acknowledge one another when you wake up, leave, reunite, and go to bed. Say good morning, offer up a goodbye and hello kiss, and an I love you before bed. These are simple but profound ways to prioritize your spouse.

Offer your help. Grab a towel and help dry the dishes, offer to bathe the kids, or tidy up a cluttered space. Be a helpful contributor in your marriage. It’s great to have divided tasks and household duties, but it’s also great to do some of the things that aren’t on your list but on theirs. Practice serving one another selflessly habitually.

Pray individually and together. Ask the Lord to use you in your marriage every day. Ask Him to grow you as a husband or wife and pray together for your marriage. Many studies have shown that couples who pray together daily have a less than 1% divorce rate. It just doesn’t get much better than that! Check out this 30 Day Praying for Your Husband Challenge to up your prayer time!

Get in the Word. Seek God and grow as a child of God. He has the best plan for you and your marriage, but if you never check in with Him or get to know Him, His best plan will also be left unknown. He is the Creator of marriage and knows exactly what it takes to succeed. He’s also the one who knows you and your spouse better than anyone. The more time you spend with Him, the more clearly you will hear Him.

Ultimately, you must have good daily habits if you want a marriage that will last through the years. The little things done with consistency will keep you heading in the direction you want to go.

Are You Feeling Desperate For Love?

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Sep 11, 2023 | Articles

When I was a little girl growing up in a dysfunctional family, I struggled to feel loved. It seemed as if love had to be earned, and for whatever reason, I just kept missing the mark.

I remember countless times trying to earn this seemingly unobtainable love… I would sneak over to the neighbors with scissors in hand and cut off their roses that I knew they worked hard to grow so I could bring them home to my mom, letting her know that I had found them in the road and definitely not in our neighbor’s yard. Once, I took a can of red spray paint and scribed a giant “I LOVE YOU MOM” across the back of our house. Needless to say, this did not get the outcome I had craved.

The Pains of Desperation

As I grew, I continued to make poor choices on my hunt for love. As it turns out, a lack of love creates a lot of desperation, and desperation begs for bad decisions to be made.

Love is meant to be a sacrificial gift we give, and the truth is, we just can’t make others willingly give it, no matter what lengths we go to to try.

This is a painful pill to swallow.

This sacrificial and fulfilling love is supposed to be part of marriage, but not all marriages have it. And when love is missing, desperate decisions begin to be made. Desperation of love in a marriage can often lead to a lot of unhealthy things like:

Settling
Tolerance
People pleasing
Rationalization
Passivity….
And maybe even adultery.

The problem is that those things never bring us closer to real love. At best, they temporarily ease the pain with an untrustworthy and fraudulent love.

When love has to be manipulated, it is not love at all.

I watched the mom, whom I was so desperate to love me, try to earn love out of her desperation. She allowed alcoholism to run rampant in our home without consequence. She disregarded abuse in avoidance as an effort to pretend it wasn’t happening. She excused a lack of love from my stepfather as if there was something wrong with her instead of him.

She waited. She avoided. She scrambled in anxiety. She lied to herself, hoping that love was just right around the corner, simply waiting for the perfect setup to be ushered in.

A marriage filled with lies, deception, tolerance, unaddressed addiction, abuse, hopelessness, avoidance, or even mediocrity is not a marriage with real love. It’s a marriage with a desperate, fraudulent love. It’s the enemy’s ploy to twist the truth once again.

A Difficult Balance

So, back to this tough pill – Love is meant to be a sacrificial gift we give, and the truth is, we just can’t make others willingly give it, no matter what lengths we go to to try.

By no means does any of this mean your marriage is over or has no real chance at love because that is also false. We serve a God who redeems, repairs, restores, and who can make all things new. But we will never get on the path of restoration through the avenue of denial that desperation sets us on.

Real love is sacrificial and freely given. “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

We are called to love sacrificially in our marriages, but we must remember that sacrificial love isn’t meant to make us doormats who tolerate horrible behavior or mediocrity. Our sacrificial love is meant to be for a higher purpose, just as Christ’s was, to give Him glory and show the world who He is. A miserable or mediocre marriage will never do that if it’s left as it is.

This sacrificial love in marriage is designed to be a two-way street. If your marriage is not displaying real love and your heart is overcome with anxiety and desperation, it’s time to make some changes before your desperation leads you to places you never want to go.

Jesus can help you with that, and so can we if you need us to. Let the real love of Christ lead you on the right path, and reach out if this blog resonates with you.

Remember THIS When All Help Feels Lost

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Aug 28, 2023 | Articles

Have you ever been in a hard season where most of your prayers are spent asking God to intervene and do something to stop your suffering? Maybe you’re pleading with Him to fix you… fix your circumstances… fix your marriage.

I have certainly had times in my life just like that. As I’ve been dealing with some health issues, I’m in one of those seasons right now. The human heart can grow weary in suffering; not one of us is immune to that weariness.

Being in this place, I was recently drawn to a podcast episode by a fellow therapist titled “Is Hope Reasonable?” As a believer, I know this answer. Because Jesus died on the cross and rose from the grave on the third day, hope is possible and reasonable to believe in. But this episode took the encouragement of hope a step further by speaking to the weary heart that had been burned before. The one with the heart that struggles to believe in hope even when they do know it exists. The heart that says, “I know you can, God, but I’m scared that you won’t.”

And if we’re honest, I think we’ve all been there before. The place where you fully believe in the sovereignty of God but also your humanness fears that His sovereignty doesn’t align with your desires.

Halfway through this episode, when talking about this weary place we can find ourselves in, where hope feels so vulnerable to grasp, a Walter Brueggeman quote was shared about what life without hope can be like.

He said, “Life becomes a dissatisfied coping, a grudging trust, and a managing that dares never ask too much.”

Are you gritting your teeth and just getting by, pouring out every ounce of effort to trust God, or perhaps you’re withholding your true request because you fear the answer is no?

Maybe you’re in a place where you know that God can heal you but are worried that He won’t.

Maybe you’re where you desperately need God to intervene, or your marriage is over.

Maybe you’re in a place where everything has been so hard for so long, and you’re unsure if you or your marriage can ever be put back together.

A place where hope is unsure or even scary.

First of all, if this is where you’re at, I’m so sorry. That is a hard place to be.

But second, the answer to the original question, Is Hope reasonable? is yes. Yes, hope is reasonable! Not just the “risen from the grave” hope, as if that wasn’t enough, but the “God spoke and created the world” kind of hope, too.

It’s as simple and profound as this; the Creator can still create.

He doesn’t just fix broken things; He creates brand-new ones. And, just as He created the world, He can create something marvelous in you or your marriage, and He can create it from nothing, from absolute scratch!

God is the ultimate Creator, and I think it’s time to start not only believing He can create brand new in your life but also asking Him to do so. Maybe you’ve lost a little hope because your suffering has been so long, or maybe it seems impossible that goodness could ever be found.

But let me tell you, let me tell myself, that hope is reasonable. And in our desperation or despair, just as He brought light into what once was complete darkness, God can always make something brand new, even if all we give Him to work with is our desperation and despair.

I sure hope that today you will take the risk in believing in hope, hope for your salvation, but also hope in having the Creator who can take whatever situation you’re in and not just fix it but make it entirely new.

May His will and power of creation be evident in your life and marriage today!

Building a Strong Marriage: The Foundation of Love and Commitment

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Aug 7, 2023 | Articles

Marriage is a sacred bond between two individuals, and if you’re wise, one BIG God.

At one point, you were once two people from different walks of life who came together to build a life filled with love, trust, and friendship. Along the way, you may have discovered that a strong and lasting marriage is not a result of luck, chance, or even desire; but rather a requirement of continuous effort made by both of you to nurture and grow your relationship.

Remembering this is a very important thing:
“It’s easier to build a strong marriage than it is to fix a broken one.”
And if a strong marriage is what you’re desiring, then you will need these key ingredients:

Communication: The Pillar of Connection

Communication is essential for any successful marriage. Effective communication involves both speaking and listening. It is vital to openly express your thoughts, feelings, and concerns while actively listening to your partner’s perspective. Honest and respectful communication fosters understanding and prevents misunderstandings, often leading to conflicts.

Trust and Honesty: The Bedrock of a Strong Marriage

Trust is the foundation upon which a strong marriage is built. Trusting one another creates a sense of emotional safety, allowing both of you to be vulnerable and authentic. Honesty goes hand in hand with trust; it is necessary that you are both truthful and transparent with one another, even when circumstances or situations become difficult.

Emotional Support: Being Each Other’s Rock

In a strong marriage, you are to be an emotional support system for one another. Life inevitably brings challenges; having a partner who can offer empathy, compassion, and encouragement can make all the difference. Celebrating each other’s achievements and providing a shoulder to lean on during tough times cultivates a deep emotional bond.

Compromise and Flexibility: Navigating Differences

Every individual brings their unique perspectives and experiences to a marriage. Learning to compromise and be flexible is crucial in resolving conflicts and finding common ground. It’s important to understand that you won’t always see eye-to-eye, but a strong marriage involves respecting each other’s opinions and finding solutions together.

Shared Goals and Values: A Unified Vision

Couples with shared goals and values are likelier to build a strong marriage. Creating a shared vision for the future, especially one rooted in God’s will, gives your marriage a bigger purpose. Having common objectives and something to move towards together will strengthen your bond.

Quality Time and Romance: Nurturing Intimacy

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s essential to prioritize quality time together. Setting aside dedicated moments for each other builds intimacy and keeps your romance alive. Things like regular date nights, small gestures of affection, and expressing love verbally can go a long way in maintaining the spark in the relationship.

Humility: Trust in God

Accepting when you’re wrong, apologizing when necessary, and learning to trust in God’s direction for your marriage will be the cornerstone of your relationship. Having biblical humility is ultimately surrendering to the Lord instead of to your own flesh. His desire for your marriage is far better than your own, and when you surrender to trusting His ways instead of yours, your marriage will surely be blessed.

Ultimately, building a strong marriage is a journey that requires commitment, patience, and continuous effort from both of you. It is about having open communication, trust, and emotional support while navigating life’s challenges together. Remember that no marriage is perfect, and conflicts will arise. However, by seeking the Lord and following His commands for marriage, you will have a deep and lasting connection that will stand the test of time.

If you want another essential ingredient to a strong marriage, add in prayer.

Check out our free 30-day Praying for Your Husband and Praying for Your Wife challenge.