Embracing Hard Truths in Marriage: Why Emotionally Satisfying Answers Won’t Bring Healing

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Oct 19, 2024 | Articles

The other day, I listened to an eye-opening podcast interview with Lisa Fields, an author and apologetics teacher. She shared something powerful about what it means to wrestle with God, and it immediately struck a chord with me. Lisa pointed out that, as believers, many of us struggle when the answers we receive from God don’t meet our emotional expectations. She said, “For many of us, our goal line for God is emotionally satisfying answers. If the answers aren’t emotionally satisfying, we struggle to accept them or believe they’re true.”

I couldn’t help but reflect on how this applies not only to our faith journeys but also to our marriages. We’ve all had those moments where we’re wrestling with God—asking questions like, “Why does this have to happen?”, “Why isn’t this fair?”, or “Why should I forgive them when I’ve been hurt so badly?” The truth is, those moments of wrestling often come because we’re searching for answers that feel good, rather than the ones that are grounded in truth.

Why We Gravitate Toward “Comforting Lies”

Have you ever watched the TV show Catfish? The whole premise of the show is to help people uncover whether they’ve been deceived by someone pretending to be someone else online. Or perhaps you’ve seen an episode of Dr. Phil where someone, often an elderly widow, has been scammed into believing a far-fetched love story, even as their bank account is drained. In both cases, the victims are presented with all the evidence they need that they’re being lied to—but they still struggle to believe the truth.

It’s frustrating to watch because, as outsiders, it’s easy to see the blatant red flags. The lies are obvious: someone says they’re from Atlanta, but they have a foreign accent; they constantly need financial help for emergencies, but they can never meet in person. And yet, despite factual proof, the victims don’t want to believe they’re being deceived. The reason? The truth is painful. Emotionally, it’s easier to believe the comforting lies than to face the reality of the situation.

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How This Relates to Marriage

The same thing happens in our marriages. We may find ourselves in difficult situations—maybe it’s ongoing conflict, resentment, or unmet expectations—and instead of addressing the real issues, we look for emotionally satisfying answers. We may think, “If they would just change, everything would be fine,” or “I’ll feel better once this problem goes away.”But the reality is that avoiding hard truths only prolongs the pain. In fact, it often makes things worse.

I’m not sure what struggles you may be facing in your marriage right now, but here’s what I do know: searching for the answers that make you feel better won’t fix the problem. It will only delay your healing. Whether it’s the need to forgive, to work through past hurts, or to address ongoing issues, it’s time to confront the truth.

Embracing the Hard Truths with God

As difficult as it may be to accept, God’s truth is what will set you free in your marriage. It’s easy to fall into the trap of ignoring the Holy Spirit’s nudges because the truth feels too painful or hard to deal with. But here’s the thing: God’s truth isn’t just something to accept—it’s something that can liberate you and your marriage.

Ignoring hard truths in favor of emotionally satisfying answers may bring temporary relief, but it doesn’t bring lasting peace. It’s like putting a bandage over a deep wound instead of getting the stitches you need for real healing.

So, whatever it is that you’re avoiding, whatever truth you know in your heart that you need to face—take the first step today. Whether it’s a difficult conversation with your spouse, addressing a long-standing issue, or confronting something within yourself, know that God will walk with you through it. He will guide you, sustain you, and bring healing to your marriage.

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God’s Truth Is the Foundation for Healing

In John 16:13, Jesus promises, “But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth.” The Holy Spirit is our constant companion, ready to guide us toward truth, even when it’s hard to hear. The truth may not always be emotionally satisfying, but it’s where real healing begins.

God’s truth in your marriage may require difficult choices, painful admissions, or a willingness to let go of the emotionally satisfying answers you’ve held onto. But it’s only by embracing the truth—no matter how hard—that you’ll find the freedom and healing you’ve been longing for.

Take heart in knowing that God is with you. He is Truth, and His truth will sustain and guide you, no matter how tough the journey may seem. Trust Him to lead you and your marriage into a place of healing, peace, and restoration.

Moving Forward in Truth

I encourage you today: whatever the hard truth is that you’ve been avoiding, face it with courage and trust in God. Stop searching for answers that simply soothe your emotions and start seeking the truth that will set you free. Your marriage is worth the work. The freedom that comes from living in God’s truth is far better than any temporary comfort you may find in avoiding it.

Remember, God is with you through it all, and His truth will ultimately lead you to the healing and peace you desire in your marriage.

By shifting the focus from seeking emotionally satisfying answers to embracing God’s truth, we can experience the kind of freedom and healing that transforms our marriages. Let’s trust in His guidance and walk in the truth that only He can provide.

If you need help walking through a tough season in your marriage, we’re here to help with virtual marriage coaching and counseling. Check out our services HERE.

5 ways to Deal with Family at the Thanksgiving Table

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Oct 6, 2024 | Articles

Thanksgiving is almost here, and if you’re like the average couple, you’re gearing up for that annual feast with family—full of turkey, stuffing, and just a sprinkle of chaos. Now, you probably love your family, but let’s be honest, getting through Thanksgiving dinner with everyone’s sanity intact can sometimes feel like a miracle on par with feeding the 5,000. But don’t worry, I’ve got some practical (and slightly humorous) Christian advice to help you navigate the turkey, the tension, and everything in between.

**1. Pray Before You Feast—*and Not Just for the Food***

Let’s start with the obvious: prayer. Before that turkey even hits the table, take a moment to pray. And I’m not just talking about blessing the meal—though that’s important too. Pray for patience, kindness, and the strength to smile when Aunt Mildred asks you for the fifth time why you haven’t had any more kids yet. Consider prayer like the stuffing to your Thanksgiving turkey—it fills the gaps and holds everything together.

And hey, if you’re hosting, sneak in an extra prayer while you’re basting the turkey. You’ll need it when Uncle Joe starts discussing politics before dessert.

2. Serve a Side of Grace with That Gravy

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful, but sometimes, it’s also a time to bite your tongue. When Cousin Larry starts talking about his latest conspiracy theory, or when Grandma insists that her “secret” recipe is better than yours, remember that grace is key. Pour out that grace like gravy and remind yourself that Thanksgiving is more than the meal—it’s about the people around the table.

So when the conversation gets a little heated, or you feel your patience wearing thin, take a deep breath, pass the mashed potatoes, and keep serving up that grace. You’ll feel better for it—and so will everyone else.

3. Focus on the Blessings, Not the Bickering

It’s easy to get caught up in the bickering that sometimes bubbles up around the Thanksgiving table. But instead of focusing on what’s wrong, why not focus on what’s right? Take a moment to look around the table at the faces of the people you love (even if they’re driving you a little crazy), and be thankful for each one of them. Yes, even the one who chews obnoxiously loud.

Remember, every family has its quirks, but those quirks are part of what makes your family unique. And who knows? Maybe one day you’ll look back on these moments and laugh—after all, humor is one of God’s best gifts.

4. Create a “Thankful for” Tradition

Here’s a little tip I’ve found helpful: before diving into the turkey, go around the table and have everyone share something they’re thankful for. It’s amazing how this simple act can set a positive tone for the entire meal. Plus, it’s a great way to remind everyone (including yourself) of the many blessings God has poured into your lives.

And if anyone tries to skip out on sharing, feel free to gently remind them that there’s always something to be thankful for—like the fact that the turkey isn’t raw or burnt this year.

5. Laughter Is the Best Dessert

Finally, remember that laughter is truly the best dessert—well, right after pumpkin pie, of course. When the conversation starts getting tense, try lightening the mood with a joke or a funny story. Laughter can diffuse tension faster than you can say “pass the cranberry sauce.”

So, whether it’s reminiscing about funny family moments or telling a good-natured joke, don’t be afraid to bring a little humor to the table. It might just be the secret ingredient to a peaceful and joyful Thanksgiving.

Giving Thanks Together

At the end of the day, Thanksgiving isn’t about having the perfect meal or the perfect family—it’s about coming together to give thanks to God for all He’s done. It’s about remembering that despite our differences, we are all loved and blessed beyond measure.

So this Thanksgiving, let’s focus on what really matters: faith, family, and a whole lot of gratitude. And if things get a little messy—whether it’s the gravy or the conversation—just remember to laugh, pray, and pass the pie.

Wishing you a Thanksgiving full of love, laughter, and God’s abundant blessings!

6 Milestones to be Celebrated in Your Christian Marriage

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Sep 17, 2024 | Articles

As a Christian marriage counselor, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing and helping countless couples navigate the beautiful yet challenging journey of marriage. One thing I’ve learned along the way is that celebrating milestones—both big and small—can play a large role in creating appreciation for your marriage. The milestone moments I’m referring to are more than dates on a calendar; they are opportunities to reflect on the grace of God in your marriage, to rekindle your love, and to reaffirm your commitment to each other.

Here are some important marriage milestones that every couple should celebrate:

Wedding Anniversaries: These yearly dates testify to your endurance and love.

Wedding anniversaries are the most obvious milestones but also some of the most important. Each year of marriage is a testimony to the endurance of your love and the faithfulness of God. Whether it’s your first or your fiftieth, take time to celebrate how far you’ve come. Reflect on the vows you made, the challenges you’ve overcome, and the ways your love has deepened over the years.

Consider renewing your vows, taking a special trip, or simply spending the day reminiscing together.

The Birth or Adoption of a Child: New life into your family always deserves recognition.

The arrival of a child is one of the most profound milestones in any marriage. It marks a shift in your relationship from being just a couple to becoming a family. This is a moment to celebrate not only the gift of new life but also the expansion of your love and the responsibilities you now share.

Celebrate this milestone as more than just a birthday in the family. Celebrate it as a couple by reflecting on how your roles are changing and how you can support each other in this new season of life.

Major Achievements: You’re reaching goals together!

Whether it’s buying your first home, paying off a significant debt, or reaching a career milestone, these achievements are worth celebrating. They represent the hard work, dedication, and teamwork of your marriage. These moments are not just personal victories; they are triumphs for your marriage as well.

Celebrate by taking a special trip, having a nice dinner, or simply spending time together, reflecting on how God has provided and how you’ve grown as a couple. These celebrations help reinforce your shared goals and the fact that you’re still on this journey together, cheering one another on.

Overcoming Challenges: Don’t underestimate victory in your trials.

Every marriage faces trials—whether it’s health issues, financial struggles, or relational problems. Overcoming these challenges is a significant milestone that deserves recognition. These moments remind us of God’s faithfulness and the strength that comes from leaning on each other and on Him.

Consider celebrating by encouraging other couples and hosting a prayer night with your friends. You never know who needs to hear what the Lord has been faithful to do in your trials. Share your testimony in a group, or have a quiet evening together to look back on how far you’ve come. Use this time to thank God for His provision, especially in a season when you weren’t sure you’d survive it.

Spiritual Growth: Take the opportunity to deepen your faith together.

Spiritual growth is a constant journey, and there will be milestones along the way that are worth celebrating. Perhaps you’ve completed a Bible study together, started a family devotional time, or made a significant step in your spiritual walk as a couple. These moments represent the foundation of your marriage—your shared faith in Christ.

Celebrate spiritual milestones by sharing what you’ve learned with others. Maybe it’s time for you to mentor another couple, open your home to a life group, and teach others what has kept you spiritually strong. These celebrations are a way to keep Christ at the center of your marriage, reminding you both that your relationship is ultimately rooted in Him.

6 milestones to celebrate in your marriage

Milestones in Intimacy: You’re growing closer as one!

Intimacy in marriage goes beyond physical connection and includes emotional and spiritual closeness. Celebrate milestones in intimacy, such as overcoming a period of distance, resolving a long-standing conflict, or simply rediscovering each other’s hearts.

Consider planning a romantic getaway, a special date night, or writing letters expressing your love and appreciation to each other. These celebrations help to reignite that fire of connection and even more intimacy.

Embrace Every Milestone: It’s worth it!

In marriage, every milestone—whether a major life event or a small step forward—is an opportunity to celebrate the love, faith, and commitment you share. These celebrations mark your marriage, reminding you of where you’ve been, what you’ve overcome, and where you’re headed. They are also reminders of God’s presence in your marriage, as He has faithfully guided you every step of the way.

So, take the time to celebrate these milestones. They are not just for you but for your marriage—a gift from God that deserves to be honored and cherished every day.

Embracing the Freedom of Forgiveness

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Sep 3, 2024 | Articles

As Christian marriage counselors, we’ve seen countless couples weighed down by the heavy burden of unforgiveness, whether the unforgiveness is in their marriage or from an individual hurt outside of their marriage. The same thing rings true; holding onto resentment, anger, or hurt damages your relationship with your spouse and takes a toll on your spiritual and emotional well-being. That’s why we’re excited to introduce you to a helpful new resource: Learning How to Forgive: A Devotional of Prayers and Practices to Release Negative Emotions and Achieve True Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is at the heart of Christianity, with Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross being the ultimate example of love and forgiveness. Yet, in our marriages, forgiveness can often feel like one of the hardest acts to practice. Whether it’s a small slight or a deep wound, the pain can linger, affecting how we interact with our spouse and how we see ourselves.

Why Forgiveness Matters in Marriage

In marriage, two imperfect people are bound to hurt each other, intentionally or unintentionally. It’s part of being human. But without forgiveness, those hurts can build up, creating walls that block intimacy and trust. Unforgiveness can lead to bitterness, isolation, and, sadly, even the breakdown of a marriage.

However, when we choose to forgive, we open the door to healing, reconciliation, and restored connection. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the hurt; it means choosing to release the negative emotions that keep you trapped in the past and prevent you from moving forward in your relationship. This new devotional is designed to help you break free from those chains and embrace the peace that comes from true forgiveness.

What This Devotional Offers

Learning How to Forgive is more than just a book; it’s a journey toward emotional and spiritual freedom. Each day’s devotional is carefully crafted to guide you through the process of forgiveness, offering:

Daily Prayers: Start each day by inviting God into your healing process. These prayers are designed to help you align your heart with His will and find the strength to forgive, even when it feels impossible.
Reflective Practices: Each devotional includes practical exercises to help you release negative emotions, whether it’s through journaling, biblical meditation, or other activities. These practices are rooted in Scripture and are designed to help you connect deeply with your emotions and with God’s truth.
Scriptural Insights: Drawing from the Bible, the devotional provides a solid foundation for understanding forgiveness from a Christian perspective. You’ll explore verses that speak to God’s forgiveness for us and His command that we forgive others.
Real-Life Applications: Forgiveness isn’t just a spiritual concept; it’s something we live out every day. The devotional includes real-life examples and scenarios to help you apply the principles of forgiveness in your marriage and beyond.

The Path to Healing and Wholeness

Forgiveness is not a one-time event; it’s a process. This devotional will walk with you step by step, helping you navigate the complexities of forgiveness in a way that is both compassionate and biblically sound. Whether you’re dealing with a small grievance or a deep betrayal, Learning How to Forgive offers the tools and support you need to find true healing.

As you journey through this devotional, you’ll discover that forgiveness isn’t just about releasing your spouse or others from their wrongs—it’s about freeing yourself from the weight of carrying those hurts. It’s about finding peace, joy, and a renewed sense of connection with your spouse, with others, and with God.

Take the First Step

I encourage you to take the first step towards healing today. Whether you’re struggling to forgive your spouse, a friend, or even yourself, this devotional can be the guide you need. Remember, forgiveness is a gift from God—a gift that brings freedom, healing, and the abundant life He desires for you.

You can find Learning How to Forgive: A Devotional of Prayers and Practices to Release Negative Emotions and Achieve True Forgiveness through our affiliate link on Amazon and anywhere books are sold. May this resource be a blessing to you and your marriage as you seek to live in the fullness of God’s grace.

Get the Book!

Blessings for your journey of healing!

10 Fun Fall Date Ideas for Christian Couples

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Aug 24, 2024 | Articles

As the crisp autumn air settles in and the leaves start to change, fall offers the perfect backdrop for romance and quality time with your spouse. Amid the busyness of life, it’s important to carve out (don’t mind the pumpkin pun) time for each other, and what better way to do that than with some fun, faith-filled fall date ideas? As a Christian marriage counselor, I’ve seen how intentional time together can strengthen your connection and remind you of the joy God intended for your marriage.

Here are 10 creative and meaningful fall date ideas to help you make the most of this beautiful season:

Visit a Pumpkin Patch or Apple Orchard
Nothing says fall like a trip to a pumpkin patch or apple orchard. Spend the day hand-picking pumpkins or apples, enjoying the scenery, and savoring the simplicity of the season. Use this time to talk about what you’re thankful for and reflect on how God has blessed your marriage. You can even turn it into a mini date night by carving pumpkins together or baking a fresh apple pie when you get home.

Take a Scenic Hike
Fall is the perfect time to enjoy God’s creation with a scenic hike. Choose a trail with beautiful fall foliage, and as you walk together, take the opportunity to connect on a deeper level. Talk about your hopes and dreams for the future, pray together, and thank God for the beauty all around you.

Plan a Cozy Movie Night
With cooler evenings, there’s nothing better than snuggling up together for a cozy movie night. Choose a favorite fall-themed movie, make some hot cocoa or apple cider, and create a comfortable space with plenty of blankets. Before the movie starts, consider reading a short devotional or prayer to invite God into your time together. This simple, relaxing date can be a great way to unwind and reconnect after a busy week.

Go on a Fall Picnic
Pack a basket with seasonal goodies—think hearty sandwiches, pumpkin muffins, and a thermos of warm soup—and head to a local park or your favorite outdoor spot. Spread out a blanket, enjoy the crisp fall air, and take in the beauty of the changing leaves. Use this time to talk about what’s been on your hearts, share what God’s been teaching you, or even pray together. A fall picnic is a simple yet meaningful way to connect with each other and with God.

Attend a Fall Festival or Fair
Many communities host fall festivals or fairs that feature local crafts, food, and entertainment. If yours doesn’t have one, perhaps explore a close by city that does. Spend the day exploring together, trying new foods, and enjoying the atmosphere. These events are often full of fun and laughter, allowing you to relax and enjoy each other’s company.

Volunteer Together
Fall is a season of harvest and thanksgiving, making it a wonderful time to give back to your community. Find a local charity, food bank, or church event where you can volunteer together. Serving others is a powerful way to strengthen your bond and live out your faith as a couple. It reminds you of the bigger purpose God has for you as a couple.

Explore a Corn Maze
Get lost together in a corn maze! This fun fall activity is perfect for working together as a team and enjoying some lighthearted fun. As you navigate the twists and turns, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to laugh and support each other. Afterward, share a warm treat like apple cider donuts and talk about how you’ve navigated the “mazes” in your marriage with God’s guidance.

Have a Fall-Themed Cooking or Baking Night
Bring the flavors of fall into your kitchen with a cooking or baking night. Choose a new recipe to try together, whether it’s a savory dish like butternut squash soup or a sweet treat like pumpkin bread. Cooking together can be a great way to bond, and you’ll have the added bonus of enjoying a delicious meal or dessert afterward. Consider inviting another couple over to share in the fun and make it a double date!

Visit a Historical Site
Take a step back in time by visiting a historical site or museum in your area. Many places offer special fall tours or events that can make your visit even more memorable. As you explore, reflect on the history and how it connects to your own story as a couple. Discuss how God has been faithful through the years, both in history and in your own marriage.

Start a New Tradition
Fall is the perfect time to start a new tradition that you can look forward to each year. Whether it’s a special date night activity, a seasonal devotional series, or a weekend getaway, choose something that you both enjoy and that helps you grow closer together and to God. Traditions can create lasting memories and become something you cherish as your marriage continues to grow through the years.

Fall is a season of change, reflection, and gratitude—all being necessary for a thriving marriage. By intentionally setting aside time for fun and meaningful dates, you’re not only investing in your relationship but also inviting God into the center of your marriage. Whether it’s a simple picnic or a day of volunteering, these fall date ideas offer opportunities to connect, grow, and celebrate the beautiful gift of marriage that God has given you.

So, grab your favorite sweater, head outside, and make the most of this wonderful season together. Your marriage will be all the stronger for it!

The Importance of Spiritual Reflection in Fall: Preparing Your Marriage for a Season of Growth

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Aug 19, 2024 | Articles

As the leaves begin to change and the vibrant colors of fall are ushered in, there’s a sense of change in the air. The cooler temperatures, shorter days, and harvest season naturally invite us to slow down, reflect, and prepare for the months ahead. For many couples, this season is an opportunity to enjoy nature’s beauty and make time for spiritual reflection together. As Christian marriage counselors, my husband and I believe that as seasons change, especially in the coolness and coziness of fall, it’s a perfect time to reflect and prepare for a season of growth.

Why Spiritual Reflection Matters

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to get caught up in routines and responsibilities, often leaving little time for spiritual reflection. Yet, pausing and reflecting on your spiritual journey as a couple is crucial if you want a healthy, thriving marriage. Just as the fall season is a time for harvesting the fruits of the year’s labor, it’s also a time to harvest spiritual growth in your relationship.

Spiritual reflection allows you to:

Reconnect with God: It’s an opportunity to assess where you are in your walk with Christ, both individually and as a couple. Are you regularly seeking His guidance in your marriage? Are there areas where you need to trust Him more?
Evaluate Your Relationship: Reflecting on your marriage gives you the chance to consider how you’ve grown together over the past year. What challenges have you overcome? What victories has God blessed you with? Where might you need to focus more attention?
Set Intentional Goals: As you look ahead to the coming months, spiritual reflection can help you set goals that align with God’s will for your marriage. This might include committing to regular prayer together, engaging in a Bible study, or simply being more intentional about showing love and grace to one another. Perhaps it’s time for a greater investment of an intensive marriage retreat like our weekend Marriage Reboot, designed to give you a custom marital plan created just for the two of you.

6 Ways to Engage in Spiritual Reflection This Fall

Engaging in spiritual reflection doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s about creating intentional moments where you can connect with God and with each other. Here are some practical ways to do this:

Take a Prayer Walk Together
Fall is a beautiful time to enjoy the outdoors, and a prayer walk is a wonderful way to combine physical activity with spiritual reflection. As you walk, take turns praying aloud, thanking God for His blessings, and lifting up your concerns and hopes for the future. Allow the beauty of nature to remind you of God’s creation and His presence in your lives.

Create a Gratitude List
As the season of Thanksgiving approaches, take time together to create a gratitude list. Reflect on the ways God has worked in your marriage over the past year. Leave an open list on the kitchen counter to add to each day. What challenges has He helped you overcome? What blessings have you received? Expressing gratitude is a powerful way to shift your focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant in your life.

Engage in a Couple’s Devotional
Find a devotional that speaks to the season of fall and the theme of growth. Spend time each day or week reading and discussing the devotional together. Use it as a springboard for deeper conversations about your spiritual journey, your marriage, and your future goals.

Have a Spiritual Retreat Day
Consider setting aside a day or even just a few hours for a mini spiritual retreat. This could be as simple as spending the day at a quiet park or a local retreat center. Bring along your Bible, a journal, and some reflective questions to guide your time. Use this retreat to pray, reflect, and listen for God’s direction for your marriage.

Set Spiritual Goals for the Coming Season
After reflecting on where you are spiritually, set some goals for the months ahead. These goals could be related to your spiritual practices (such as praying together daily), your relationship (such as attending a marriage workshop or the Reboot Retreat as mentioned above), or your service to others (such as volunteering together). Make sure these goals are realistic and achievable, and hold each other accountable in a loving way.

Preparing for a Season of Growth

Just as good farmers prepare their fields for the next season of growth, you can prepare your marriage for growth by engaging in spiritual reflection. Fall is a natural time to take stock, make adjustments, and set the stage for a fruitful season ahead. By prioritizing your spiritual connection with each other and with God, you’re laying a strong foundation for your marriage to thrive, no matter what challenges or opportunities lie ahead in the4 coming days.

As you journey through this fall season, let us encourage you to embrace the beauty of spiritual reflection. Allow it to deepen your connection to one another, renew your commitment, and prepare you for a season of growth that will bless your marriage for years to come.

To find out more about the Marriage Reboot

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*Disclaimer: The information discussed here is meant for entertainment purposes and is not meant to replace counseling or working with a trained healthcare professional.

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Putting Your Marriage First

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Aug 10, 2024 | Articles

Guest Post by Julie Baumgardner

Our dear friend Julie Baumgardner, Senior Executive Director at WinShape Marriage, knows firsthand the incredible value of prioritizing your marriage. WinShape Marriage offers the perfect setting to unplug and invest in your relationship through their various retreats. Today, Julie shares with us the importance of keeping your marriage at the top of your schedule, even when life’s demands are pulling you in every direction. Be sure to follow Julie and WinShape Marriage on Instagram to stay inspired and informed!

Well, it’s here. The lazy days of summer are coming to a close and the crazy days of fall are within sight! Some of you are counting down the days and others are sad to see the summer end.

Whichever camp you fall into, one thing’s for sure: A new season is here, and there’s a good chance it will be filled with multiple schedules, extra-curricular activities, church commitments, and more to keep up with.

In the midst of trying to make sure your children are taken care of, it’s easy to let your marriage take a back seat – as in, “We’ll do something for us once things slow down.” However, things aren’t likely to slow down anytime soon. So how do you take care of your marriage in spite of the back-to-school chaos?

The One Thing to Help Your Children Flourish

This may sound counter to everything you’re thinking and hearing, but if you want your children to flourish during the school year, you must put your marriage first.

I once heard a talk from John Medina, author of Brain Rules. Someone in the audience asked, “What do I need to do now in order to give my child the best chance of getting into Harvard?”

Medina’s response? “Go home, love your spouse well, and create a safe and stable environment for your child.”

The audience dropped their jaws at this answer. Naturally, they were expecting to hear about all the different activities parents should ensure their children are involved in to set them up for success. So, receiving advice about their marriage probably seemed random at best and illogical at worst.

Connection is the Best Thing For Your Children

The question for all of us is this: What is the merit behind the guidance? How is putting your marriage first a win?

The underlying thought is that when parents are feeling connected and their relationship is in a healthy place, it creates a healthy environment at home where children can thrive—where they can learn, grow, make mistakes, fail, and be loved through it all. It doesn’t mean you won’t experience angst as you raise your children, but when you are connected and working together as a team, it is easier to walk through the challenges you will face as you prepare your children to grow and go.

What I have seen through the years working with families—and have been guilty of thinking myself—is that depriving children of participating in this sport or that activity will impact them negatively over time. Even though there often isn’t time or money to do it, this mentality leads most families to do it anyway and just figure it out. The collateral damage is parents feeling like they live in a hotel, spending the day-to-day like ships passing in the night. There’s no time for downtime and certainly no room for date nights as a couple. All this leads to a loss of connection as a couple and a family.

And, as we all know, feeling disconnected isn’t a good thing.

4 Questions to Make This Year Successful While Putting Your Marriage First

This may be the year you take a different approach. Take a few minutes with your spouse and look at everything – your time, jobs, money, the needs of your children, extended family needs – all the things that are currently on your plate. Then consider the grades your children will be in and the sports and extra activities they would like to participate in.

Once you have a clear picture of your current situation, ask yourselves these questions:

What do we believe we actually have capacity for in this season that will still allow us to maintain our sanity?
How many activities is it realistic for each child to participate in, while still having time together as a family?
What can we financially afford?
What amount of activity can we allow for our children while still making time for us as a couple?

Entering the school year with sure answers to these questions could be a game changer for your marriage and your family on several levels.

Why to Put Your Marriage First

Why? Because clarity is kindness. Once you have a clear picture of your capacity, you can confidently pass that along to your children. It doesn’t mean they are going to love the limits, but you are teaching them what it looks like to prioritize what’s most important and problem-solve toward a goal—and one day they’ll thank you for that. Remember, you are your children’s first and best teacher.

Here’s the thing: Riding the wave of raising children will ultimately end. Their job is to grow and go. When they go, if you haven’t taken the time to nurture your marriage, you will look at each other and wonder why in the world you are together. So many perfectly good marriages end because people failed to recognize the importance of nurturing their relationship over time. Child-centered marriages are the ones most at risk for divorce.

Actually putting your marriage first, making sure you have time to be together— to play, talk (not just about the children, bills or work) and enjoy each other’s company—increases the chances of your home being a safe and stable place, both while your children are growing up and after they leave the nest.

Verses for a God-Centered Marriage

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Jul 25, 2024 | Articles

One of the best ways to cultivate a Christ-centered marriage is for both spouses to seek and follow the Lord wholeheartedly. Placing Him at the center of your marriage allows for direction, growth, and humility to flourish, making your marriage one of the most rewarding and refining relationships you can experience.

5 Scriptures for a Christ-Centered Marriage

Strength in Unity: You are better and stronger together, even more so with the Lord.

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12

Prioritize Your Marriage:You will always have things vying for your attention, time, and efforts. It’s essential to make sure your marriage remains a top priority. Many marriages start drifting apart long before they ever explode in destruction. Stay vigilant.

“Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” – Mark 10:9

Love and Forgiveness: Loving your spouse in action makes it easier to forgive and overlook their flaws and mistakes.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” – 1 Peter 4:8

Boundaries with Extended Family: Setting appropriate boundaries with extended family is crucial. You’re living a life of becoming one, not one of adding more into the mix. If you need guidance, listen to the Expedition Marriage podcast, Episode 44, “Setting Boundaries with In-Laws.”

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” – Genesis 2:24

True Love Defined: Always remember what real love is. It’s more than the feelings that led you into marriage.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

When you seek to follow Jesus, you will be continually transformed into His likeness. Your goal as a spouse is to support and encourage each other in this journey. Check out the Newlywed Couples Devotional for a great way to make Christ the center of your marriage. This 52-week devotional is biblically based, filled with scripture and practical applications. It’s designed to deepen your faith, spark meaningful conversations, and guide you in prayer—and the truth is, it’s not just for newlyweds!

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4 Ways to Use Music in Your Marriage

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Mar 25, 2024 | Articles

My husband and I met over music. It all started when I walked into Bleachers, a local bar and grille that happened to have a karaoke night. There he was, microphone in hand, belting out some Billy Joel, and he was surprisingly good. Enough to impress me to marry him–not that night, but eventually.

Almost 30 years later, even though we’ve outgrown our karaoke days, we still find ways to fit music into our lives.

Music has so many benefits, many of which can strengthen your marriage.

Let’s start with mood regulation and emotional well-being. Can I get an AMEN to that for a solid marriage game-changer?!

In all seriousness, music can lift your spirits, relax you, or even bring up fond memories of the past, like a good Billy Joel song does for us. For this reason, we both like to start our mornings with praise and worship. Turning on good praise music while you’re getting ready for the day is a perfect way to set your mood. You put your focus on God, and usually, these songs are upbeat and get you moving.

Music also creates dopamine and breeds connections. It’s something that brings you together and provides a shared experience. We like to use music to set the mood in our home. When we clean, we have an upbeat cleaning-the-house playlist. When it’s cold and rainy, or when Spring is in the air, we have several seasonal playlists to go along with the feelings of the season. Music can enhance whatever feeling you want to have in your environment.

However, one of our favorite ways to use music is with our food. We’re not wine or whiskey drinkers; instead, we like to pair music with our meals. Whenever we cook together, we play “theme” music. If it’s pasta night, we’ve got some Italian tunes going. If it’s barbeque, we’re jamming to some country, and if it’s burgers on the grill, we’re cranking up some 4th of July tunes. Rocking out, singing, and laughing together over music in the kitchen is a fun way to add spontaneity to your lives.

Lastly, music also can be a great stress reducer. We use music to unwind for the night and start relaxing. When it’s time for bed, we get out the lavender diffuser and turn on soft spa music or nature sounds. It’s a perfect way to calm down and prepare for a good night’s sleep.

If you want an easy way to add some fun in your life, starting with a little music just might do the trick!

And as a bonus, music is great on at home date night. We’d love to provide you with one for FREE. Go grab yourself a Happily Date Box on us with code EXPEDITIONMARRIAGE!

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How to Keep the Romance Alive After Kids

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Mar 4, 2024 | Articles

If you want to maintain or regain romance in your marriage after having kids, you’re going to have to be intentional about it. A little creativity won’t hurt either!

Practical tips to help keep the romance alive after kids

This may be an unpopular opinion, but if you want to keep the romance in your marriage, you must prioritize your marriage over your kids.

Here’s why:

Your kids will eventually grow up and leave, but your spouse is meant to be with you forever.
The best gift you can give your kids is the example of a healthy marriage.
A healthy marriage makes you better parents and helps you parent as a team.

Don’t worry, your kids still get plenty of love and care. They need food, shelter, safety, and all the love in the world, but they also need to see Mom and Dad loving one another well. They will have so much more peace when they know you two are ok and their home is not at risk of falling apart.

You will also need to share the workload. Regardless of how you choose to run your family and divide up household duties, the truth is, where exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed are present, romance is not. You both need to do your share in running the house and supporting each other. The good news is you get to do what works for you, just don’t keep doing what doesn’t.

Another way to foster romance is by engaging in healthy, open, and honest communication. If you don’t have emotional intimacy that is obtained through vulnerable communication, then it will be challenging to have physical intimacy.

Let’s wrap this up with the obvious and that’s prioritizing regular date nights. 83-84% of married couples who have regular date nights report being very happy in their marriage. You may have to be intentional, but setting aside dedicated time for date nights will benefit your marriage and keep you connected as a couple. Want some ideas, check out 26 Ways to Make Date Night as Easy as ABC.