5 Ways to Navigate Family Tension at the Thanksgiving Table

5 Ways to Navigate Family Tension at the Thanksgiving Table

by | Oct 30, 2025 | Articles, Christian Marriage, Parenting & Family

5 Ways to Navigate Family Tension at the Thanksgiving Table

Thanksgiving is meant to gather us around a table of gratitude, but let’s be honest, sometimes it feels like sitting at the edge of a relational minefield. Family dynamics, old wounds, differing opinions, they all have a way of testing our patience, posture, and our sanity peace.

If you’re heading into a holiday meal where you know there will be tension, here are five faith-centered steps to help guard your heart, speak with wisdom, and be an example of grace through the many conversations at the table.

Thanksgiving table

  1. Begin with Prayer — Before You Feast (or maybe even before you sit down)

Don’t wait until conflict brews to seek God’s help. Pause before the first bite. Ask Him to fill you with patience instead of irritation, humility instead of pride, compassion instead of judgment.
Let your mealtime prayer be more than a blessing over food. Make it a plea for divine presence in every interaction. You can pray this for the whole family or just silently on your own. Regardless, don’t forget to ask for the Holy Spirit’s help.

 

  1. Serve Grace Alongside the Mashed Potatoes

When your “favorite” aunt starts critiquing your life choices or Uncle Bob brings up politics again, attempt to respond with gentleness, not attitude. If needed, tell your face this plan as well 😉.
Grace doesn’t mean letting everything slide, it means giving people what they don’t deserve, even when they act in ways you don’t like. Use your words to soften tension, instead of fueling it.

 

  1. Reorient Your Focus from Faults to Blessings

It’s easy to get stuck on the flaws. Her critical tone. His indifference. The awkward silences. But on this thankful day, try this: look for the good. Glance around the table at people you love, even the ones who test your limits, and name one thing, out loud if possible, that you’re grateful for about them. Gratitude can shift the entire atmosphere of the room.

 

  1. Start a “Thankful Tradition”

Once the turkey is passed, invite everyone to say one thing they’re thankful for.
Yes, it can be awkward, but it can set a tone of unity, soften defenses, and reorient the conversation from contention to family connection.

If someone hesitates, just remind them that there is always something to be grateful for, even a family whose differences point you back to God’s grace.

  1. Let Laughter Be Your Unexpected Dessert

When tension is heavy, don’t hesitate to break the script by sharing a memory. Maybe even tell a funny story, reminding everyone of the time the turkey got dropped and was half eaten by the dog, or when the turkey didn’t even get finished cooking until 9pm and you couldn’t even eat it (true story from our own life!).

Laughter doesn’t nullify pain, but it does remind us of joy’s place even in hard spaces. And sometimes, a well-timed chuckle disarms walls faster than a well-polished apology, or an issue being swept under the rug.

🧡 A Thanksgiving Prayer for Every Seat at the Table

Heavenly Father,
Thank You for our family that is imperfect, messy, and miraculous. As we gather today, I ask that You fill our hearts with grace, humility, and wisdom. Help us to listen more than we rush to speak, to extend kindness when tension rises, and to lean into reconciliation rather than defensiveness. Use our time together, Lord, to soften hearts, foster understanding, and remind us that love is meant to outlast conflict.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Your Phone Might Be the Devil’s Favorite Device in Your Life

Your Phone Might Be the Devil’s Favorite Device in Your Life

by | Apr 14, 2025 | Articles, Intimacy & Connection, Parenting & Family

A Reflection on Distraction, Intimacy, and Taking Your Attention Back

My husband and I recently had one of those conversations—the kind that makes you stop and re-evaluate what’s quietly taking over your life. This time, it was about our phones.

We’d already started making some big changes in how we use them, but something about that conversation stirred something deeper in me. Out of curiosity, I looked up the definition of the word “device.” (Yes—on my phone, ironically enough.)

Here’s what I found:
A device is “a deceit or plan to trick.”

Oof. That one hit me, but also didn’t shock me.

Suddenly, I started to see things more clearly. How often is that “innocent” scroll really just a trap? How often does that little ding or buzz pull us away from what actually matters? The enemy is clever—he doesn’t always storm in with chaos. Sometimes, he just gently lures us with distraction… dressed up as entertainment, comparison, or even productivity.

Distraction in Marriage

Distraction Is Spiritual

Let’s call it what it is: many of us are spiritually disconnected—not because God has gone silent, but because we’ve stopped listening.

We’ve traded quiet time for screen time.
Communion with Christ for connection with content.
Real presence in our marriages for mindless scrolling.

And the most tragic part?
We barely notice it happening.

Our phones aren’t evil in themselves. They’re tools.
But they become traps when they start stealing our dependence, our attention, and our peace.

Who Has More Access to You—Your Phone or Your Savior?

That’s the question I had to wrestle with.
And maybe it’s one you need to ask yourself, too.

Jesus hasn’t moved.
He hasn’t stopped speaking.
But maybe we’ve just forgotten how to be still long enough to hear Him.

The constant noise, the pull of endless content, the dopamine hits from likes and notifications—it’s all shaping our spiritual attention spans. And if we’re not careful, we’ll raise children who can’t sit in silence and we’ll grow marriages that struggle to thrive without a screen in the room.

The Call Back to Stillness

Here’s the good news:
You can take your attention back.
You can shut down the noise and open up space for something better.

  • You can put your phone down and pick up God’s Word.
  • You can re-learn how to sit with Him.
  • You can begin to hear again.

And yes, at first, stillness might feel awkward.
You’ll be tempted to reach for distraction.
But stay with it.

Stillness is where intimacy grows. It’s where God whispers. And it’s where peace begins to replace pressure.

Stillness in Marriage

For the Sake of Your Marriage

This isn’t just about your quiet time—it’s about your relationship.
If you’re like many couples today, chances are your phone has become a source of tension in your marriage.

How many times have you heard:
“Can you just put your phone down for a minute?”
“Are you even listening to me?”

It’s time to stop letting a device create distance in our closest relationships.

Let’s not allow something in our hands to steal the intimacy we were meant to have—with God and with each other.

A Prayer to Refocus

Lord, help me to recognize the distractions that pull me away from You. Give me the strength to choose stillness, to quiet the noise, and to tune my heart to Your voice again. Help me love You with my attention. And help me love my spouse with my presence. In Jesus Name, Amen.

If this hits home for you, maybe it’s time for a little phone reset.
Not because it’s trendy—but because your soul needs space to breathe.
And your marriage? It needs presence more than pixels.

Let’s take our attention back—together.

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5 ways to Deal with Family at the Thanksgiving Table

5 ways to Deal with Family at the Thanksgiving Table

by | Oct 6, 2024 | Articles, Christian Marriage, Parenting & Family

Thanksgiving is almost here, and if you’re like the average couple, you’re gearing up for that annual feast with family—full of turkey, stuffing, and just a sprinkle of chaos. Now, you probably love your family, but let’s be honest, getting through Thanksgiving dinner with everyone’s sanity intact can sometimes feel like a miracle on par with feeding the 5,000. But don’t worry, I’ve got some practical (and slightly humorous) Christian advice to help you navigate the turkey, the tension, and everything in between.

1. Pray Before You Feast—and Not Just for the Food

Let’s start with the obvious: prayer. Before that turkey even hits the table, take a moment to pray. And I’m not just talking about blessing the meal—though that’s important too. Pray for patience, kindness, and the strength to smile when Aunt Mildred asks you for the fifth time why you haven’t had any more kids yet. Consider prayer like the stuffing to your Thanksgiving turkey—it fills the gaps and holds everything together.

 And hey, if you’re hosting, sneak in an extra prayer while you’re basting the turkey. You’ll need it when Uncle Joe starts discussing politics before dessert.

2. Serve a Side of Grace with That Gravy

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful, but sometimes, it’s also a time to bite your tongue. When Cousin Larry starts talking about his latest conspiracy theory, or when Grandma insists that her “secret” recipe is better than yours, remember that grace is key. Pour out that grace like gravy and remind yourself that Thanksgiving is more than the meal—it’s about the people around the table.

So when the conversation gets a little heated, or you feel your patience wearing thin, take a deep breath, pass the mashed potatoes, and keep serving up that grace. You’ll feel better for it—and so will everyone else.

 3. Focus on the Blessings, Not the Bickering

It’s easy to get caught up in the bickering that sometimes bubbles up around the Thanksgiving table. But instead of focusing on what’s wrong, why not focus on what’s right? Take a moment to look around the table at the faces of the people you love (even if they’re driving you a little crazy), and be thankful for each one of them. Yes, even the one who chews obnoxiously loud.

thanksgiving table decor

Remember, every family has its quirks, but those quirks are part of what makes your family unique. And who knows? Maybe one day you’ll look back on these moments and laugh—after all, humor is one of God’s best gifts.

4. Create a “Thankful for” Tradition

Here’s a little tip I’ve found helpful: before diving into the turkey, go around the table and have everyone share something they’re thankful for. It’s amazing how this simple act can set a positive tone for the entire meal. Plus, it’s a great way to remind everyone (including yourself) of the many blessings God has poured into your lives.

And if anyone tries to skip out on sharing, feel free to gently remind them that there’s always something to be thankful for—like the fact that the turkey isn’t raw or burnt this year.

5. Laughter Is the Best Dessert

Finally, remember that laughter is truly the best dessert—well, right after pumpkin pie, of course. When the conversation starts getting tense, try lightening the mood with a joke or a funny story. Laughter can diffuse tension faster than you can say “pass the cranberry sauce.”

So, whether it’s reminiscing about funny family moments or telling a good-natured joke, don’t be afraid to bring a little humor to the table. It might just be the secret ingredient to a peaceful and joyful Thanksgiving.

Giving Thanks Together

At the end of the day, Thanksgiving isn’t about having the perfect meal or the perfect family—it’s about coming together to give thanks to God for all He’s done. It’s about remembering that despite our differences, we are all loved and blessed beyond measure.

So this Thanksgiving, let’s focus on what really matters: faith, family, and a whole lot of gratitude. And if things get a little messy—whether it’s the gravy or the conversation—just remember to laugh, pray, and pass the pie.

 

Wishing you a Thanksgiving full of love, laughter, and God’s abundant blessings!

thanksgiving is about blessings
6 Milestones to be Celebrated in Your Christian Marriage

6 Milestones to be Celebrated in Your Christian Marriage

by | Sep 17, 2024 | Articles, Christian Marriage, Parenting & Family

As a Christian marriage counselor, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing and helping countless couples navigate the beautiful yet challenging journey of marriage. One thing I’ve learned along the way is that celebrating milestones—both big and small—can play a large role in creating appreciation for your marriage. The milestone moments I’m referring to are more than dates on a calendar; they are opportunities to reflect on the grace of God in your marriage, to rekindle your love, and to reaffirm your commitment to each other.

Here are some important marriage milestones that every couple should celebrate:

  1. Wedding Anniversaries: These yearly dates testify to your endurance and love.

Wedding anniversaries are the most obvious milestones but also some of the most important. Each year of marriage is a testimony to the endurance of your love and the faithfulness of God. Whether it’s your first or your fiftieth, take time to celebrate how far you’ve come. Reflect on the vows you made, the challenges you’ve overcome, and the ways your love has deepened over the years.

Consider renewing your vows, taking a special trip, or simply spending the day reminiscing together. 

  1. The Birth or Adoption of a Child: New life into your family always deserves recognition.

The arrival of a child is one of the most profound milestones in any marriage. It marks a shift in your relationship from being just a couple to becoming a family. This is a moment to celebrate not only the gift of new life but also the expansion of your love and the responsibilities you now share.

Celebrate this milestone as more than just a birthday in the family. Celebrate it as a couple by reflecting on how your roles are changing and how you can support each other in this new season of life.

 

  1. Major Achievements: You’re reaching goals together!

Whether it’s buying your first home, paying off a significant debt, or reaching a career milestone, these achievements are worth celebrating. They represent the hard work, dedication, and teamwork of your marriage. These moments are not just personal victories; they are triumphs for your marriage as well.

Celebrate by taking a special trip, having a nice dinner, or simply spending time together, reflecting on how God has provided and how you’ve grown as a couple. These celebrations help reinforce your shared goals and the fact that you’re still on this journey together, cheering one another on.

 

  1. Overcoming Challenges: Don’t underestimate victory in your trials.

Every marriage faces trials—whether it’s health issues, financial struggles, or relational problems. Overcoming these challenges is a significant milestone that deserves recognition. These moments remind us of God’s faithfulness and the strength that comes from leaning on each other and on Him.

Consider celebrating by encouraging other couples and hosting a prayer night with your friends. You never know who needs to hear what the Lord has been faithful to do in your trials.  Share your testimony in a group, or have a quiet evening together to look back on how far you’ve come. Use this time to thank God for His provision, especially in a season when you weren’t sure you’d survive it.

 

  1. Spiritual Growth: Take the opportunity to deepen your faith together.

Spiritual growth is a constant journey, and there will be milestones along the way that are worth celebrating. Perhaps you’ve completed a Bible study together, started a family devotional time, or made a significant step in your spiritual walk as a couple. These moments represent the foundation of your marriage—your shared faith in Christ.

Celebrate spiritual milestones by sharing what you’ve learned with others. Maybe it’s time for you to mentor another couple, open your home to a life group, and teach others what has kept you spiritually strong. These celebrations are a way to keep Christ at the center of your marriage, reminding you both that your relationship is ultimately rooted in Him.

    6 milestones to celebrate in your marriage
    1. Milestones in Intimacy: You’re growing closer as one!

    Intimacy in marriage goes beyond physical connection and includes emotional and spiritual closeness. Celebrate milestones in intimacy, such as overcoming a period of distance, resolving a long-standing conflict, or simply rediscovering each other’s hearts.

    Consider planning a romantic getaway, a special date night, or writing letters expressing your love and appreciation to each other. These celebrations help to reignite that fire of connection and even more intimacy.

     

    Embrace Every Milestone: It’s worth it!

     

    In marriage, every milestone—whether a major life event or a small step forward—is an opportunity to celebrate the love, faith, and commitment you share. These celebrations mark your marriage, reminding you of where you’ve been, what you’ve overcome, and where you’re headed. They are also reminders of God’s presence in your marriage, as He has faithfully guided you every step of the way.

     

    So, take the time to celebrate these milestones. They are not just for you but for your marriage—a gift from God that deserves to be honored and cherished every day.

    Putting Your Marriage First

    Putting Your Marriage First

    by | Aug 10, 2024 | Articles, Intimacy & Connection, Parenting & Family

    Guest Post by Julie Baumgardner

    Our dear friend Julie Baumgardner, Senior Executive Director at WinShape Marriage, knows firsthand the incredible value of prioritizing your marriage. WinShape Marriage offers the perfect setting to unplug and invest in your relationship through their various retreats. Today, Julie shares with us the importance of keeping your marriage at the top of your schedule, even when life’s demands are pulling you in every direction. Be sure to follow Julie and WinShape Marriage on Instagram to stay inspired and informed!

    Well, it’s here. The lazy days of summer are coming to a close and the crazy days of fall are within sight! Some of you are counting down the days and others are sad to see the summer end.

    Whichever camp you fall into, one thing’s for sure: A new season is here, and there’s a good chance it will be filled with multiple schedules, extra-curricular activities, church commitments, and more to keep up with. 

    In the midst of trying to make sure your children are taken care of, it’s easy to let your marriage take a back seat – as in, “We’ll do something for us once things slow down.” However, things aren’t likely to slow down anytime soon. So how do you take care of your marriage in spite of the back-to-school chaos?

    The One Thing to Help Your Children Flourish

    This may sound counter to everything you’re thinking and hearing, but if you want your children to flourish during the school year, you must put your marriage first. 

    I once heard a talk from John Medina, author of Brain Rules. Someone in the audience asked, “What do I need to do now in order to give my child the best chance of getting into Harvard?” 

    Medina’s response? “Go home, love your spouse well, and create a safe and stable environment for your child.”

    The audience dropped their jaws at this answer. Naturally, they were expecting to hear about all the different activities parents should ensure their children are involved in to set them up for success. So, receiving advice about their marriage probably seemed random at best and illogical at worst.

    title pin "putting your marriage first"

    Connection is the Best Thing For Your Children

    The question for all of us is this: What is the merit behind the guidance? How is putting your marriage first a win? 

    The underlying thought is that when parents are feeling connected and their relationship is in a healthy place, it creates a healthy environment at home where children can thrive—where they can learn, grow, make mistakes, fail, and be loved through it all. It doesn’t mean you won’t experience angst as you raise your children, but when you are connected and working together as a team, it is easier to walk through the challenges you will face as you prepare your children to grow and go.

    What I have seen through the years working with families—and have been guilty of thinking myself—is that depriving children of participating in this sport or that activity will impact them negatively over time. Even though there often isn’t time or money to do it, this mentality leads most families to do it anyway and just figure it out. The collateral damage is parents feeling like they live in a hotel, spending the day-to-day like ships passing in the night. There’s no time for downtime and certainly no room for date nights as a couple. All this leads to a loss of connection as a couple and a family.

    And, as we all know, feeling disconnected isn’t a good thing.

    4 Questions to Make This Year Successful While Putting Your Marriage First

    This may be the year you take a different approach. Take a few minutes with your spouse and look at everything – your time, jobs, money, the needs of your children, extended family needs – all the things that are currently on your plate. Then consider the grades your children will be in and the sports and extra activities they would like to participate in.

    Once you have a clear picture of your current situation, ask yourselves these questions:

    1. What do we believe we actually have capacity for in this season that will still allow us to maintain our sanity?
    2. How many activities is it realistic for each child to participate in, while still having time together as a family?
    3. What can we financially afford?
    4. What amount of activity can we allow for our children while still making time for us as a couple?

    Entering the school year with sure answers to these questions could be a game changer for your marriage and your family on several levels.

    Why to Put Your Marriage First

    Why? Because clarity is kindness. Once you have a clear picture of your capacity, you can confidently pass that along to your children. It doesn’t mean they are going to love the limits, but you are teaching them what it looks like to prioritize what’s most important and problem-solve toward a goal—and one day they’ll thank you for that. Remember, you are your children’s first and best teacher.

    Here’s the thing: Riding the wave of raising children will ultimately end. Their job is to grow and go. When they go, if you haven’t taken the time to nurture your marriage, you will look at each other and wonder why in the world you are together. So many perfectly good marriages end because people failed to recognize the importance of nurturing their relationship over time. Child-centered marriages are the ones most at risk for divorce. 

    Actually putting your marriage first, making sure you have time to be together— to play, talk (not just about the children, bills or work) and enjoy each other’s company—increases the chances of your home being a safe and stable place, both while your children are growing up and after they leave the nest.

    4 Ways to Use Music in Your Marriage

    4 Ways to Use Music in Your Marriage

    by | Mar 25, 2024 | Articles, Christian Marriage, Parenting & Family

    My husband and I met over music. It all started when I walked into Bleachers, a local bar and grille that happened to have a karaoke night. There he was, microphone in hand, belting out some Billy Joel, and he was surprisingly good. Enough to impress me to marry him–not that night, but eventually.

    Almost 30 years later, even though we’ve outgrown our karaoke days, we still find ways to fit music into our lives.

    Music has so many benefits, many of which can strengthen your marriage.

    Let’s start with mood regulation and emotional well-being. Can I get an AMEN to that for a solid marriage game-changer?! 

    In all seriousness, music can lift your spirits, relax you, or even bring up fond memories of the past, like a good Billy Joel song does for us. For this reason, we both like to start our mornings with praise and worship. Turning on good praise music while you’re getting ready for the day is a perfect way to set your mood. You put your focus on God, and usually, these songs are upbeat and get you moving.

    use music in your marriage

    Music also creates dopamine and breeds connections. It’s something that brings you together and provides a shared experience. We like to use music to set the mood in our home. When we clean, we have an upbeat cleaning-the-house playlist. When it’s cold and rainy, or when Spring is in the air, we have several seasonal playlists to go along with the feelings of the season. Music can enhance whatever feeling you want to have in your environment. 

    However, one of our favorite ways to use music is with our food. We’re not wine or whiskey drinkers; instead, we like to pair music with our meals. Whenever we cook together, we play “theme” music. If it’s pasta night, we’ve got some Italian tunes going. If it’s barbeque, we’re jamming to some country, and if it’s burgers on the grill, we’re cranking up some 4th of July tunes. Rocking out, singing, and laughing together over music in the kitchen is a fun way to add spontaneity to your lives.

    Lastly, music also can be a great stress reducer. We use music to unwind for the night and start relaxing. When it’s time for bed, we get out the lavender diffuser and turn on soft spa music or nature sounds. It’s a perfect way to calm down and prepare for a good night’s sleep. 

    If you want an easy way to add some fun in your life, starting with a little music just might do the trick!

    And as a bonus, music is great on at home date night. We’d love to provide you with one for FREE. Go grab yourself a Happily Date Box on us with code EXPEDITIONMARRIAGE!

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    How to Keep the Romance Alive After Kids

    How to Keep the Romance Alive After Kids

    by | Mar 4, 2024 | Articles, Marriage Recovery & Healing, Parenting & Family

    If you want to maintain or regain romance in your marriage after having kids, you’re going to have to be intentional about it. A little creativity won’t hurt either!

    Practical tips to help keep the romance alive after kids

    This may be an unpopular opinion, but if you want to keep the romance in your marriage, you must prioritize your marriage over your kids.

    Here’s why:

    • Your kids will eventually grow up and leave, but your spouse is meant to be with you forever.
    • The best gift you can give your kids is the example of a healthy marriage.
    • A healthy marriage makes you better parents and helps you parent as a team.
    Keep the Romance Alive After Kids

    Don’t worry, your kids still get plenty of love and care. They need food, shelter, safety, and all the love in the world, but they also need to see Mom and Dad loving one another well. They will have so much more peace when they know you two are ok and their home is not at risk of falling apart.

    You will also need to share the workload. Regardless of how you choose to run your family and divide up household duties, the truth is, where exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed are present, romance is not. You both need to do your share in running the house and supporting each other. The good news is you get to do what works for you, just don’t keep doing what doesn’t. 

    Another way to foster romance is by engaging in healthy, open, and honest communication. If you don’t have emotional intimacy that is obtained through vulnerable communication, then it will be challenging to have physical intimacy. 

    Let’s wrap this up with the obvious and that’s prioritizing regular date nights. 83-84% of married couples who have regular date nights report being very happy in their marriage. You may have to be intentional, but setting aside dedicated time for date nights will benefit your marriage and keep you connected as a couple. Want some ideas, check out 26 Ways to Make Date Night as Easy as ABC. 

     

    4 Sure Fire Ways to Ruin Date Night

    4 Sure Fire Ways to Ruin Date Night

    by | Feb 12, 2024 | Articles, Intimacy & Connection, Parenting & Family

    4 Sure Fire Ways to Ruin Date Night

    If you’ve been married any length of time, especially if you have children, then you know that planning a date night is not as simple as it once was while you were dating. Since it’s hard enough to get a date night on the books, the last thing you want to do is ruin it when you’re on one!

    So, you’d be wise to take note of these 4 things that can ruin a date night:

    Let’s start by stating the obvious and go with the importance of staying off your phone. This means don’t pick it up, don’t look at it, and certainly don’t use it. If you’ve got kids at home and need to be reachable for them or on call for something important, make sure you can hear it and keep it hidden. This lets your spouse know you are their priority and want uninterrupted time together. 

    Even something as simple as having your phone on the table at a restaurant says, “I’m paying attention to you now, but the second that little thing makes a noise, I’m out.” Your best bet is to put it down, silence it, and keep it out of sight. 

    Another way to ruin a date night is to talk about problems. This isn’t the time to vent about work, complain about the kids, or point out how your spouse needs to start loading the dishwasher correctly. Bringing up negative things on a date night quickly kills the mood during your time together. Keep in mind that these things are important to talk about, just not on a date.

    One more buzzkill to a great night out is to be too self-focused. Try to ask your spouse questions instead of just talking about yourself. Need some help? Check out 5 Questions to Ask Your Spouse When You’ve Run Out of Things to Say. Don’t only ask good questions but also focus on being a good listener. This way, by the end of the night, your spouse will feel seen, heard, and cared for. 

    Lastly, not prioritizing your date nights will for sure make them flop. Your night doesn’t have to be perfect, but showing your spouse they matter by prioritizing time with them and putting some effort into planning goes a long way. If you struggle in the ideas department but want to prioritize date night, then we have a gift for you!

    We want to give you a FREE Happily Date Box! All you need to do is use code EXPEDITIONMARRIAGE and pay $7.99 for shipping, and you will be on your way to a fun night filled with connection. Get yours today!

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    Navigating Intimacy: 7 Tips for When You Have a Higher Sex Drive than Your Husband

    Navigating Intimacy: 7 Tips for When You Have a Higher Sex Drive than Your Husband

    by | Feb 5, 2024 | Articles, Intimacy & Connection, Parenting & Family

    We live in a society where it’s not uncommon to hear about the great need for sex that men have. But the truth is that God designed sex for both husbands and wives, and how much or how little they each desire sex can be varied. It is true that more men statistically have higher sex drives than their wives, but in 1 out of every 4 marriages, it’s the wife who has the higher drive. 

    What do you do in this stigmatized situation that feels like things are backward?

    As a woman with a higher sex drive, it’s likely that your first instinct is to wonder why you’re not desirable to your husband. This form of thinking is self-protective and likely not even close to being the reality of the situation.

    There are many reasons why our sex drives are different, and they’re usually not related to our spouse’s attractiveness. It’s actually far more likely for a wife not to have sex with her husband for this reason than it is the other way around. But constantly asking your husband if he’s attracted to you or questioning why he isn’t will not head you in the direction you’d like to go.

    For starters, mismatched sex drives are entirely normal. When it can become a problem is when there are sudden drops in libido, slow fades because you’re disconnected as a couple, or when other health issues or aging are factors. Some of these can be addressed and fixed, and others you can learn to adjust to in beautiful and healthy ways. The couple affected by chronic pain, medical issues, or just the aging couple can all still have great sex.

     

    Here are some insights and practical tips to foster a healthy and satisfying intimate connection when sex drives differ:


    1. Open and Honest Communication:
      Good communication is important when it comes to the health of a marriage, especially when it comes to physical connection. Good communication leads to emotional connection, which often leads to physical connection. Believe it or not, husbands want emotional connection, too.
    higher sex drive

      You also need to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about your respective needs, desires, and expectations. Create a safe space where both of you can express your feelings without judgment. Make inquiries about health, his mental and physical state, stress levels, or any obstacles that may decrease his libido. Determine if he’s worried about it or if he feels your sex drive is just higher. 

      1. Understand Each Other’s Perspectives:
        Take the time to understand each other’s perspectives on intimacy. Acknowledge that everyone’s libido is unique, and factors such as stress, health, and personal experiences can influence it. Understanding one another’s point of view will foster empathy and strengthen your emotional connection.
        If your husband says it’s not a lack of desire for you, believe him. If you disregard how he really feels, you will likely make him feel inadequate or defective in some way. Remember, a lower sex drive for him can be entirely normal and does not signify a problem, so it’s important to make him feel like he is not flawed in this area.
      1. Prioritize Quality Over Quantity:
        Focus on letting quality trump quantity when it comes to intimacy. Instead of focusing solely on frequency, concentrate on the quality of your intimate moments. Ensure that both of you feel emotionally connected and satisfied, regardless of the frequency. When you are physically intimate, be fully present and make the most out of it. 
      1. Schedule Intimacy:
        While it may sound unromantic, scheduling intimacy can be a practical solution to ensure that both partners’ needs are met. This approach allows for anticipation and planning, creating a dedicated space for intimate connection amidst busy schedules. At the end of the day, we schedule and make room for the things that are important to us.

      5. Seek Professional Guidance:
      If the differences in sexual desire become a significant source of tension, consider seeking the guidance of a marriage counselor. Professionals can provide insights, tools, and strategies to navigate these challenges and enhance intimacy.

      6. Address Potential Underlying Issues:
      If there are potential medical reasons or other underlying issues, such as stress, hormonal imbalances, or unresolved marriage issues, address them. Get hormones checked, see the doctor together, or get counseling. Your marriage is worth it.

      7. Focus on Overall Relationship Health:Remember that a healthy intimate life is just one aspect of a thriving relationship. Focus on nurturing other aspects of your connection, such as emotional intimacy, communication, and shared activities. A well-rounded relationship can contribute to a more fulfilling and harmonious marriage.

       

      Navigating a situation where you have a higher sex drive requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to explore new approaches.

      By fostering open communication and mutual respect, you can create a space where both of you feel valued and satisfied in your intimate connection. Remember, it’s about finding a balance that works for both of you and enhances the overall well-being of your relationship. Mismatched sex drives don’t have to be a problem to be solved. They can often be an opportunity to connect in so many other ways.

      Want more Christian Marriage content? Check out the Expedition Marriage Podcast with Chris and Jamie Bailey.

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