How Your Past Can Shape Your Marriage from a Christian Perspective
How shaped by your past do you feel?
When things are written on your heart at a young age, they rarely just disappear. They become lenses. Filters. Narratives running behind the scenes of your life.
For me, one of those moments happened when I was in 10th grade.
I had gotten very sick and was hospitalized for a period of time. I missed a lot of school while I recovered. When I finally came home, instead of being encouraged to catch up, my mom made the decision to withdraw me from school.
She truly believed I would not be able to keep up academically after missing so much.
At fifteen years old, I didn’t have much say in the matter.
Looking back, even though my home was filled with dysfunction, I know it wasn’t done out of cruelty. My mom carried her own story. She had dropped out of high school herself, and I think her decision came from fear more than anything else.
But even when something isn’t meant to wound us, it can still land deeply.
For me, the idea of it was impossible and I was incapable landed as a verdict.
A repeated message that sounded like this:
“Jamie, you can’t.”
When a Lie Takes Root
I remember the quiet shame.
Watching my friends move forward while I stayed behind.
And something settled into my heart during that season. A belief began forming that maybe I really wasn’t capable. Maybe I wasn’t smart enough. Maybe I couldn’t handle hard things.
That moment shaped more than my education.
It shaped how I saw myself.
Years later, as a young mom of three, I went back and finished my diploma. I went on to earn my bachelor’s degree and eventually my master’s degree in professional counseling.
But here’s the raw and honest part.
You can collect all kinds of letters after your name and still believe the lie.
I worked hard. I achieved. I proved myself again and again.
Yet underneath it all was still this quiet fear that someday I would be exposed as inadequate.
How Our Past Shows Up in Marriage
That belief didn’t just affect my education.
It showed up in my marriage.
I overcompensated.
I worked to prove myself.
I reacted strongly when I felt misunderstood.
I became sensitive to correction or being wrong.
Because when you believe you are not enough, you fight hard to protect yourself from ever feeling that again.
Let me say that again because I think many of us can relate to this.
When you believe you are not enough, you fight hard to protect yourself from feeling that again.
Sometimes that protection looks like defensiveness. Sometimes it looks like control. Sometimes it shows up as insecurity or overworking or trying to prove yourself in ways your spouse may not even understand.
Our past has a way of echoing into our marriage if we don’t allow God to redeem it.
The Truth That Changed Everything
Only Jesus has been able to untangle that knot in my heart.
Over time, the truth of this verse has become deeply personal to me:
“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
— 2 Corinthians 5:17
The old “verdict” does not get to define me anymore.
Christ does.
And that truth has been a journey for me to fully embrace.
Our Marriage Testimony
On this week’s episode of the Expedition Marriage Podcast, Our Trials. His Testimony, Chris and I share our marriage testimony.
The real struggles.
The insecurities.
The patterns we had to face.
And the redemption we’ve experienced through it all.
It’s not a story about us getting everything right.
It’s a story about God redeeming what was broken.
Replacing Lies With Truth
One of the most powerful ways God has helped me replace lies with truth has been through His Word.
For many years I read Scripture, but I didn’t always study it deeply or academically.
If I’m honest, that old lie still whispered that I wasn’t capable of understanding it fully.
But this year, I’m done letting that lie speak louder than truth.
I’ve started studying Scripture more intentionally, and one of the resources I’ve been using is The Every Woman’s Bible.
It includes something called the Filament app, which allows you to scan any page and instantly access historical context, study notes, devotionals, maps, and additional teaching right from your phone.
It has made deeper study feel accessible and rich instead of intimidating.
(This is a sponsored promotion with Tyndale, but we only share resources we truly believe will strengthen your walk with Christ.)
God Redeems Our Stories
If you’ve ever felt shaped by something from your past that still echoes into your marriage, I hope this encourages you.
God redeems.
God restores.
God makes new.
Thank you for letting me be honest with you.
How shaped by your past do you feel?
When things are written on your heart at a young age, they rarely just disappear. They become lenses. Filters. Narratives running behind the scenes of your life.
For me, one of those moments happened when I was in 10th grade.
I had gotten very sick and was hospitalized for a period of time. I missed a lot of school while I recovered. When I finally came home, instead of being encouraged to catch up, my mom made the decision to withdraw me from school.
She truly believed I would not be able to keep up academically after missing so much.
At fifteen years old, I didn’t have much say in the matter.
Looking back, even though my home was filled with dysfunction, I know it wasn’t done out of cruelty. My mom carried her own story. She had dropped out of high school herself, and I think her decision came from fear more than anything else.
But even when something isn’t meant to wound us, it can still land deeply.
For me, the idea of it was impossible and I was incapable landed as a verdict.
A repeated message that sounded like this:
“Jamie, you can’t.”
When a Lie Takes Root
I remember the quiet shame.
Watching my friends move forward while I stayed behind.
And something settled into my heart during that season. A belief began forming that maybe I really wasn’t capable. Maybe I wasn’t smart enough. Maybe I couldn’t handle hard things.
That moment shaped more than my education.
It shaped how I saw myself.
Years later, as a young mom of three, I went back and finished my diploma. I went on to earn my bachelor’s degree and eventually my master’s degree in professional counseling.
But here’s the raw and honest part.
You can collect all kinds of letters after your name and still believe the lie.
I worked hard. I achieved. I proved myself again and again.
Yet underneath it all was still this quiet fear that someday I would be exposed as inadequate.
How Our Past Shows Up in Marriage
That belief didn’t just affect my education.
It showed up in my marriage.
I overcompensated.
I worked to prove myself.
I reacted strongly when I felt misunderstood.
I became sensitive to correction or being wrong.
Because when you believe you are not enough, you fight hard to protect yourself from ever feeling that again.
Let me say that again because I think many of us can relate to this.
When you believe you are not enough, you fight hard to protect yourself from feeling that again.
Sometimes that protection looks like defensiveness. Sometimes it looks like control. Sometimes it shows up as insecurity or overworking or trying to prove yourself in ways your spouse may not even understand.
Our past has a way of echoing into our marriage if we don’t allow God to redeem it.
The Truth That Changed Everything
Only Jesus has been able to untangle that knot in my heart.
Over time, the truth of this verse has become deeply personal to me:
“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
— 2 Corinthians 5:17
The old “verdict” does not get to define me anymore.
Christ does.
And that truth has been a journey for me to fully embrace.
Our Marriage Testimony
On this week’s episode of the Expedition Marriage Podcast, Our Trials. His Testimony, Chris and I share our marriage testimony.
The real struggles.
The insecurities.
The patterns we had to face.
And the redemption we’ve experienced through it all.
It’s not a story about us getting everything right.
It’s a story about God redeeming what was broken.
Replacing Lies With Truth
One of the most powerful ways God has helped me replace lies with truth has been through His Word.
For many years I read Scripture, but I didn’t always study it deeply or academically.
If I’m honest, that old lie still whispered that I wasn’t capable of understanding it fully.
But this year, I’m done letting that lie speak louder than truth.
I’ve started studying Scripture more intentionally, and one of the resources I’ve been using is The Every Woman’s Bible.
It includes something called the Filament app, which allows you to scan any page and instantly access historical context, study notes, devotionals, maps, and additional teaching right from your phone.
It has made deeper study feel accessible and rich instead of intimidating.
(This is a sponsored promotion with Tyndale, but we only share resources we truly believe will strengthen your walk with Christ.)
God Redeems Our Stories
If you’ve ever felt shaped by something from your past that still echoes into your marriage, I hope this encourages you.
God redeems.
God restores.
God makes new.
Thank you for letting me be honest with you.
Need help getting unstuck? Reach out to us for help at Expedition Marriage.
Example language you could use:
Marriage can be one of the most beautiful parts of life—but it can also be one of the most painful places to feel alone.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says,
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