What’s Not Normal in Marriage

What’s Not Normal in Marriage

by | Oct 23, 2025 | Articles, Featured Communication Resources, Intimacy & Connection, Marriage Communication

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What’s Not Normal in Marriage

Marriage is meant to be a safe and sacred space built on honesty, mutual respect, and emotional safety. But sometimes, what’s become normal in a relationship is anything but healthy. When confusion and secrecy start showing up more than trust and connection, it’s time to pause and take an honest look what might be happening.

Here are a few things that are not normal in a healthy, God-honoring marriage — even if you’ve been told they are:

🔒 Hidden Passwords or Secret Conversations

Transparency is the foundation of trust, and trust is foundational in marriage. When passwords are hidden or text conversations are kept secret, it breeds uncertainty and suspicion. A spouse who is walking in integrity has no reason to keep their phone, messages, or online life in the dark.

If you find yourself constantly wondering what’s on your spouse’s phone or feeling uneasy about what they might be hiding, that’s not “being controlling”, that’s your God-given discernment alerting you that something’s off. This is especially true if your spouse refuses to let you see their phone.

Scripture reminds us:

“The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.” — Proverbs 12:22

Healthy marriages thrive in the light, not behind screens or secret passcodes.

💔 Dismissed Feelings: Dealing with Disbelief and Invalidations

Being told “you’re overreacting” or “it’s not a big deal” when you’re clearly hurt is not normal. It’s dismissive. Emotional invalidation eats away at connection and leaves you feeling unseen and unheard.

When your gut says something isn’t right, or if something truly bothers you, and your spouse continually minimizes it, confusion and self-doubt grow. And that’s not love, that’s manipulation or avoidance.

Healthy communication sounds like:

“I can see this really bothers you. Help me understand why.”
Not: “You’re too sensitive.”

Love doesn’t try to silence you. It makes efforts to hear you.

🪞 Their Friends, Phone, or Hobbies Always Come First

Yes, balance is important, and friendships and hobbies matter. But when your spouse consistently prioritizes everything else over you, that’s not normal partnership in marriage.

Marriage requires intentional time and emotional investment. If you always feel like you’re coming in last, the issue isn’t your neediness, it’s the lack of mutual prioritization.

Remember:

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” — Philippians 2:4

Love makes time, energy and space for one another.

💳 Chronic Lies About Money or Whereabouts

A lie is never small when it’s repeated. When there’s dishonesty about spending, location, or relationships, that pattern slowly erodes safety.

You deserve truth, not half-truths or constant explanations that just “don’t add up.” Trust will only exist where honesty does.

If lying has become common, it’s not a “communication issue,” it’s a truth and integrity issue. And truth is the very oxygen of intimacy.

⚠️ Being Told to Believe What You Know Is a Lie

If you’re told you’re imagining things or “crazy” for seeing what’s right in front of you, that’s not normal, it’s gaslighting.

Gaslighting distorts your reality to make you question yourself. It’s emotionally abusive and deeply damaging to your sense of safety.

“The truth will set you free.” — John 8:32
God’s Word never calls us to deny reality to maintain peace. He calls us to walk in truth and wisdom.

🌀 Anything That Breeds Confusiontroubled marriage, marriage counseling

Here’s the bottom line:
Anything that continually breeds confusion in your relationship is meant to. And that’s why it’s not normal. (Read that again if you need to)

Confusion is not from God. His ways bring peace, clarity, and conviction, not constant second-guessing and emotional chaos.

“For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.” — 1 Corinthians 14:33

If you’re constantly left wondering what’s real and what’s not, it’s time to take a step back, pray for discernment, and seek wise, biblical counsel.

💡 A Word of Hope

If you’re reading this and realizing that some of these things sound familiar, take heart.  Awareness is the first step toward healing.

You don’t have to stay stuck in a cycle of secrecy, confusion, or dismissal. God sees the pain that’s hard to put into words, and He wants to lead you toward truth and restoration.

Healing doesn’t begin by pretending everything is fine. It begins by bringing the truth into the light.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” — John 1:5

If you need clarity and help in your marriage, please contact us for counseling or make use of our other resources.
Get Help Here

Or for some encouragement, check out A Message From God for Your Hurting Marriage

When you share your email address with us, the personal information you provide is used to send you the requested free resources and relevant offers, promotions, and updates to help encourage and support you in your marriage. Your information will not be shared with anyone outside of Expedition Marriage. You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the tab at the bottom of all emails.

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Is Your Marriage in a Stormy Season?

Is Your Marriage in a Stormy Season?

by | Jul 21, 2025 | Articles, Christian Marriage, Intimacy & Connection

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Is Your Marriage in a Stormy Season?

The other night, an intense storm rolled through our neighborhood. My husband was in the office finishing up counseling sessions, and I was alone in our living room. The lightning was striking so close to our house that I could see massive bolts flash through the trees in our backyard. Each one lit up the entire room, and with every rumble of thunder, my heart jumped a little more.

Within minutes, the rain started pouring. The wind blew so fiercely that it bent smaller trees and sent hail crashing sideways into our windows. It was loud, chaotic, and honestly—unsettling.

And in that moment, I just wished my husband was with me.

Now, I know he couldn’t have done anything to stop the storm itself. But his presence would’ve been enough to calm my heart. Because that’s what we long for in times of fear—someone to be with us.

Later that evening, as the storm passed and quiet skies returned, I couldn’t help but reflect on how much that moment reminded me of our walk with Jesus.

The Power of Presence

You and I have a Savior who never leaves the room.

He’s not caught up in someone else’s crisis, distracted by a to-do list, or busy solving bigger problems. Jesus is always present. Not only is He with us—He lives within us.

“Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?”
— 1 Corinthians 3:16 Is Your Marriage in a Stormy Season?

Even when the storms in life, or in your marriage, rage, Jesus may not promise to always calm the weather—but He does promise to calm our hearts. And that kind of peace is more powerful than we often realize.  

Storms in Marriage

Let’s be honest—marriage isn’t stormproof. Sometimes the rain shows up as miscommunication, disappointment, or distance. Sometimes the wind is the pressure of outside circumstances—kids, jobs, finances. Sometimes, the hail comes in the form of deep hurts and unmet needs.

But no matter what storm you face in your marriage, you are not alone in it.

Jesus anchors you. He doesn’t pull away when it gets loud, messy, or painful. He draws near.

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”
— Hebrews 6:19

Keep in Mind:

Whether you’re in the middle of a relational storm right now or you’re just grateful for clear skies today, here are two practical steps you can take:

  1. Invite Jesus into your fear, not just your fix.

Instead of only asking Him to change your spouse or your situation, ask Him to calm your heart. Let His nearness be your comfort, even if the circumstances don’t immediately change.Is Your Marriage in a Stormy Season?

  1. Walk closely with Him in the calm.

The best time to build your trust in Jesus is when things are quiet. Daily time with Him prepares your heart to lean on Him when things get loud. The more familiar His presence becomes, the easier it is to recognize His peace in the middle of chaos.

Remember You’re Not Alone 

Whether your storm is raging, just starting to rumble, or about to blow over—Jesus is with you. He may not always stop the storm, but He will always still your heart. You are never alone, and you never have to weather it in your own strength.

Let His presence be your peace. Let His voice be louder than the thunder. And let His Word remind you:

“Be still and know that I am God.”
— Psalm 46:10

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When You’re Fighting for Your Marriage Alone: Where Real Strength Comes From

When You’re Fighting for Your Marriage Alone: Where Real Strength Comes From

by | Jun 28, 2025 | Articles, Christian Marriage, Intimacy & Connection, Marriage Recovery & Healing

*If you’re in an abusive or unsafe marriage, this message is not meant for your situation. God does not ask you to stay in harm’s way. Please seek help, support, and safety. You are deeply valued, and you are not alone.

When You’re Fighting for Your Marriage Alone BlogMarriage can be one of the most beautiful parts of life—but it can also be one of the most painful places to feel alone.

 Maybe you’re the one trying.
The one praying.
The one reading the books, initiating the conversations, suggesting counseling.
And maybe… your spouse isn’t.

If you’re feeling like you’re the only one fighting for your marriage, I want you to hear this loud and clear:

You were never meant to carry your marriage on your own.

When Your Strength Isn’t Enough

We all hit a breaking point when we realize our human strength has limits. It’s discouraging when your best effort still isn’t enough to fix what’s broken.

But here’s the truth—your strength was never supposed to be enough.

Psalm 73:26 reminds us,

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

God never asked you to white-knuckle your way through pain or pretend everything is fine. He simply asks you to bring your weakness to Him—because that’s where His strength comes through the most.

What If My Spouse Refuses to Do the Work?

This may be one of the hardest places to land in a marriage:
You’re ready to grow, you desperately want to heal, and surrender to God—but your spouse is unwilling.

Maybe they don’t want counseling.
Maybe they won’t talk about deeper issues.
Maybe they’ve checked out emotionally or spiritually.

And you’re left wondering, “How can this work if I’m the only one working?”

Here’s the hope:
God can still work in your marriage—even when your spouse won’t.

Psalm 46:1 says,

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”

God doesn’t disappear when your spouse pulls away. In fact, He often draws nearer. He sees your effort. He honors your faithfulness. And He promises to carry you when it feels like you can’t carry anything—or anyone—else.

What Can You Do?

While you can’t change your spouse, here’s what you can do:

  1. Anchor Yourself in God’s Truth

Your worth is not measured by your spouse’s choices.
God’s love for you is unshakable, and your obedience is not wasted.

Isaiah 40:29 says,

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.”

  1. Pray—But Release Control

Yes, pray for your spouse. But don’t make their transformation your responsibility.
Ask God to do what only He can do in their heart—and rest in knowing He’s at work even when you can’t see it.

  1. Protect Your Heart with Boundaries

Boundaries are not about punishment—they’re about protecting what’s healthy.
If your spouse isn’t pursuing God, that doesn’t mean you stop. Keep growing, keep guarding your peace, and don’t compromise your walk with Christ.

  1. Find Safe, Godly Support

Don’t walk this road alone. Talk to a counselor, a mentor, or a trusted friend who can offer support without judgment. Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is simply ask for help.

A Final Word of Hope

Even if you're spouse isnt' showing up, God always will2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says,

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness… for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

This isn’t just true in theory—it’s true for you.

If your marriage feels one-sided right now, don’t give up.
God isn’t finished with your story.
And even if your spouse isn’t showing up, God always will.

Your role is to stay close to Him. To listen for His voice. To obey what He is asking you to do today—even if your spouse isn’t willing to join you yet.

Because when your strength runs out, His never does. None of this guarantees the outcome you may be desiring, but if you abide in the Lord, His direction will be clear, and His grace will be sufficient. He will make straight the path to follow going forward.

Reflection Questions:

  • Where am I relying on my own strength instead of leaning into God’s?
  • What’s one area in my marriage I need to surrender today?
  • Who can I invite into my journey for support?

If this resonates with you, we want you to know—we’re with you.
And more importantly, God is with you. He’s holding you, equipping you, and working even when it feels like nothing’s moving.

You are not alone.

Find more paid and free resources at www.expeditionmarriage.org

Want More?

Listen in as we discuss this issue on Ep. 142: When You’re Fighting for Your Marriage Alone on the Expedition Marriage Podcast.

—Chris & Jamie
Expedition Marriage

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Feeling Stuck in Your Marriage? You’re Not Alone

Feeling Stuck in Your Marriage? You’re Not Alone

by | Jun 18, 2025 | Articles, Intimacy & Connection, Marriage Recovery & Healing

Feeling Stuck in Your Marriage? You’re Not Alone

If your marriage feels stuck right now—like no matter what you try, nothing is working—I want to remind you of something important:

You are not alone.

Maybe you’ve done the work.
You’ve had the conversations, read the books, scheduled the date nights, and prayed all the prayers.

But the disconnect is still there. The hurt still lingers. The changes you long for seem slow… or even non-existent.

And maybe, deep down, you’re beginning to wonder if anything you do even matters.

Here’s something to hold onto today:

“The opposite of stuck isn’t unstuck. It’s moving.”

Sometimes being stuck isn’t about doing something wrong. It’s about not knowing what else to do. And because of that, over time, we stop moving. We shut down. We settle into disappointment and stop believing anything will change.

But what if your stuckness is actually serving you in some way?

That’s a hard question—but an important one.

How might staying stuck actually be serving me?

  • Is it protecting me from hoping again—because if I hope, I might be disappointed?
  • Is it helping me stay small, where it feels safer and more familiar?
  • Is there a lie I’m believing—like “This will never change” or “It’s all up to me”—that keeps me from healing?
  • Have I developed a loyalty to my stuckness, because more of a victim mentality feels easier than risking vulnerability or trust?

Here’s what I know: God didn’t create you—or your marriage—for survival mode. He created you for abundance and growth.

Romans 12:2 says,

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

So if your heart is weary today, start with a shift in mindset. Ask God to renew your hope. To highlight the lies that need replacing. To show you just one small step you can take toward connection, healing, and restoration.

Because you don’t have to fix it all. You just have to keep moving—with Jesus leading the way.

There is hope. Even here. Even now.
Don’t stop. Just take the next step.

*This blog is not intended for anyone in a toxic or abusive marriage. If this is you, let someone know or seek professional help

*Disclaimer: The information discussed in this podcast is meant for entertainment purposes and is not meant to replace counseling or working with a trained healthcare professional.

7 Things Your Husband Would Love to Hear 

7 Things Your Husband Would Love to Hear 

by | Jun 12, 2025 | Articles, Featured Communication Resources, Intimacy & Connection, Marriage Communication

7 Things Your Husband Would Love to Hear

Husbands often get a reputation for being emotionally simple—but underneath their composed exterior, many of them wrestle with insecurities, feelings of failure, and the pressure to provide. As wives, we have the power to speak truth over those difficult areas and breathe confidence into their hearts.

Here are seven messages every husband wants and needs to hear from their wife:

  1. “I believe in you.”

Even the most confident man needs to know his wife’s supports him and more importantly believes in him. Saying this lets him hear, “I see you. I trust you. I’m behind you all the way.”

  1. “It’s okay to take time for yourself.”

Men often feel guilty about or dismiss their need to take care of themselves. Remind your husband that rest, hobbies, or time with friends isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for his well-being. Tell him it’s okay to take the time and then help him find the time to take.

  1. “I appreciate your efforts.”

Too often, a husband’s hard work—both seen and unseen—goes unnoticed. A heartfelt “thank you” lightens his load and tells him his sacrifices matter. Your gratitude will go a long way.

7 Things Your Husband Would Love to Hear

  1. “It’s okay to fail—you’re still capable.”

Many husbands fear failure more than anything. Let him know that mistakes don’t define him; they’re part of growth. Your encouragement gives him permission to try again. Want more on husbands and fear of failure? Check out https://expeditionmarriage.org/podcast/ep-33-what-wives-need-to-know-about-husbands-and-failure/?utm_source=chatgpt.com

  1. “I don’t hold the past against you.”

Release past hurts and truly let them go. When a husband knows he isn’t under continuous scrutiny, he’s more likely to live and love courageously. There’s a lot of power in forgiveness for both you and your husband.

2 More Things Every Husband Needs to Hear

  1. “I respect the leader I see in you.”

Whether he’s leading prayers at the table or making tough calls at home, it matters when his wife acknowledges his role. Respect empowers him to step into his God-given calling with confidence—and paves the way for mutual submission and unity.

  1. “I trust your heart.”

In a world that’s full of suspicion and pressure, telling your husband you believe in his intentions communicates security—and God-honoring trust. Letting your husband know that you believe he is for you and for what is good, will provide him relief from any burden of his character being doubted.

Speak Life Over Your Husband

Why This Matters

Every kind word you give your husband will help form the foundation of his emotional resilience. When he hears these truths, especially from you:

  • He feels valued instead of overlooked
  • He’s more likely to rest in the safety of your marriage and your heart
  • His confidence in leadership and character grows
  • He’s empowered to love you and your family well

Letting your husband hear your heart—even in simple, everyday moments—can completely shift the atmosphere of your marriage. It doesn’t need to be grand: a note, a casual “thank you,” or a hug after a long day can say more than words ever could.

Want some handy reminders?

Download our “Encouraging Things to Say to Your Husband” cheat sheet—filled with easy, and hopefully authentic to you phrases that can create genuine connection (link here).

Next Step Challenge

Pick one of these seven truths and speak it to your husband this week. Maybe say it out loud, text it, or write it down—Be so genuine that he really feels it.

Marriage isn’t just about surviving—it’s about speaking life, grace, and love into the heart of the man who’s on this lifelong journey with you.

Is Your Marriage Settling for Relief Instead of Restoration?

Is Your Marriage Settling for Relief Instead of Restoration?

by | May 5, 2025 | Articles, Intimacy & Connection, Marriage Recovery & Healing

Have you ever found yourself just wanting a little relief in your marriage?

Maybe the conversations have grown stale.
Maybe you’re feeling more like roommates than soulmates.
Or maybe it’s just been a long week, and the tension in your home feels heavy.

You’re not in crisis—but you’re not exactly thriving either.

In those moments, it’s easy to reach for relief. A movie night to avoid talking. Scrolling your phone to check out for a bit. A quick laugh or a busy schedule to distract you from the quiet disconnection.

But here’s the hard truth I was reminded of recently while listening to a podcast interview with John Eldredge:

“We’re constantly reaching for relief, when what we really need is restoration.”

6 milestones to celebrate in your marriage

That hit me.

Because relief—while comforting—is temporary. It’s surface-level. It makes us feel better for a moment but never truly heals anything.
Restoration, on the other hand, goes deeper. It brings things back to life. It revives what’s been slowly fading. It addresses the root, not just the symptoms.

And in marriage, we need restoration far more than we need temporary relief.

Even if your marriage isn’t in a crisis, it might be stuck in something just as dangerous: mediocrity, boredom, or quiet disconnection.

When we settle for relief in those moments, we risk growing numb to the slow drift between us. We start surviving instead of thriving. We accept fine when God has something far better in mind. 

The good news? God is a God of restoration.

He doesn’t just patch things up—He makes all things new. (Revelation 21:5)
He doesn’t just want us to get through marriage—He wants us to flourish in it.

So if you’ve been feeling the pull toward surface-level solutions lately, let this be your gentle nudge:

Don’t stop at relief.

Press in for restoration.

Invite God into the quiet places of your marriage.
Have the honest conversations you’ve been putting off.
Ask Him to breathe new life into the parts that feel weary or routine.

Because your marriage was never meant to settle for just “getting by.”

It was created to reflect the beauty, grace, and restorative power of a God who brings dead things back to life.

And He’s not done writing your story.

Need help moving from relief to restoration?
Check out our free resources and counseling options at ExpeditionMarriage.org — we’re here to walk with you every step of the way.

Want a Closer Marriage? Start with a Closer Walk with God

Want a Closer Marriage? Start with a Closer Walk with God

by | Apr 16, 2025 | Articles, Christian Marriage, Intimacy & Connection

When you see a strong, connected marriage, you can be sure of one thing—it didn’t just happen by chance.

A closer marriage is the result of two people intentionally showing up for each other. It’s built in the daily choices: carving out time together, having meaningful conversations, laughing, forgiving, supporting one another through life’s highs and lows. That kind of closeness is a byproduct of connection—and that connection requires time and investment.

But here’s something we often forget: our relationship with God works the exact same way.

We can’t expect to feel close to our spouse if we’re not spending quality time with them. And in the same way, we can’t expect to feel close to God if we’re not regularly making space for Him in our lives. Time in prayer, in His Word, and simply being in His presence—it all matters. It shapes us.

Closer Marriage

And here’s why that connection to God is essential for a healthy marriage:

When we prioritize our relationship with God, we become better spouses. We grow in patience. We become more forgiving, more humble, and more loving—not because we’re trying harder, but because we’re being transformed by His Spirit. He changes us from the inside out.

That’s why a thriving marriage starts with a thriving faith.

Jesus put it this way in John 15:5 (NIV):

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit.”

That fruit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness—is what feeds our marriage and sustains us through every season.

Without staying connected to the Vine, we wither… and our relationships suffer too.

So, if your heart is longing for a deeper connection in your marriage, start by drawing closer to Christ.
If you want to feel more united as husband and wife, begin by staying united with Him.

Because the closer you are to God, the closer you can become to each other.

Thriving marriage

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Your Phone Might Be the Devil’s Favorite Device in Your Life

Your Phone Might Be the Devil’s Favorite Device in Your Life

by | Apr 14, 2025 | Articles, Intimacy & Connection, Parenting & Family

A Reflection on Distraction, Intimacy, and Taking Your Attention Back

My husband and I recently had one of those conversations—the kind that makes you stop and re-evaluate what’s quietly taking over your life. This time, it was about our phones.

We’d already started making some big changes in how we use them, but something about that conversation stirred something deeper in me. Out of curiosity, I looked up the definition of the word “device.” (Yes—on my phone, ironically enough.)

Here’s what I found:
A device is “a deceit or plan to trick.”

Oof. That one hit me, but also didn’t shock me.

Suddenly, I started to see things more clearly. How often is that “innocent” scroll really just a trap? How often does that little ding or buzz pull us away from what actually matters? The enemy is clever—he doesn’t always storm in with chaos. Sometimes, he just gently lures us with distraction… dressed up as entertainment, comparison, or even productivity.

Distraction in Marriage

Distraction Is Spiritual

Let’s call it what it is: many of us are spiritually disconnected—not because God has gone silent, but because we’ve stopped listening.

We’ve traded quiet time for screen time.
Communion with Christ for connection with content.
Real presence in our marriages for mindless scrolling.

And the most tragic part?
We barely notice it happening.

Our phones aren’t evil in themselves. They’re tools.
But they become traps when they start stealing our dependence, our attention, and our peace.

Who Has More Access to You—Your Phone or Your Savior?

That’s the question I had to wrestle with.
And maybe it’s one you need to ask yourself, too.

Jesus hasn’t moved.
He hasn’t stopped speaking.
But maybe we’ve just forgotten how to be still long enough to hear Him.

The constant noise, the pull of endless content, the dopamine hits from likes and notifications—it’s all shaping our spiritual attention spans. And if we’re not careful, we’ll raise children who can’t sit in silence and we’ll grow marriages that struggle to thrive without a screen in the room.

The Call Back to Stillness

Here’s the good news:
You can take your attention back.
You can shut down the noise and open up space for something better.

  • You can put your phone down and pick up God’s Word.
  • You can re-learn how to sit with Him.
  • You can begin to hear again.

And yes, at first, stillness might feel awkward.
You’ll be tempted to reach for distraction.
But stay with it.

Stillness is where intimacy grows. It’s where God whispers. And it’s where peace begins to replace pressure.

Stillness in Marriage

For the Sake of Your Marriage

This isn’t just about your quiet time—it’s about your relationship.
If you’re like many couples today, chances are your phone has become a source of tension in your marriage.

How many times have you heard:
“Can you just put your phone down for a minute?”
“Are you even listening to me?”

It’s time to stop letting a device create distance in our closest relationships.

Let’s not allow something in our hands to steal the intimacy we were meant to have—with God and with each other.

A Prayer to Refocus

Lord, help me to recognize the distractions that pull me away from You. Give me the strength to choose stillness, to quiet the noise, and to tune my heart to Your voice again. Help me love You with my attention. And help me love my spouse with my presence. In Jesus Name, Amen.

If this hits home for you, maybe it’s time for a little phone reset.
Not because it’s trendy—but because your soul needs space to breathe.
And your marriage? It needs presence more than pixels.

Let’s take our attention back—together.

Do you feel like you are all alone in your marriage?

Are your schedules so busy with work and taking care of your family that you are simply too tired to connect?

Wouldn't it be great if you could move from exhausted and alone to connected and supported?

To feel like you were part of a team?

Use Coupon Code: PODCAST20
for 20% off the regular price of $34.97

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10 Fun Fall Date Ideas for Christian Couples

10 Fun Fall Date Ideas for Christian Couples

by | Aug 24, 2024 | Articles, Christian Marriage, Intimacy & Connection

As the crisp autumn air settles in and the leaves start to change, fall offers the perfect backdrop for romance and quality time with your spouse. Amid the busyness of life, it’s important to carve out (don’t mind the pumpkin pun) time for each other, and what better way to do that than with some fun, faith-filled fall date ideas? As a Christian marriage counselor, I’ve seen how intentional time together can strengthen your connection and remind you of the joy God intended for your marriage.

Here are 10 creative and meaningful fall date ideas to help you make the most of this beautiful season:

  1. Visit a Pumpkin Patch or Apple Orchard
    Nothing says fall like a trip to a pumpkin patch or apple orchard. Spend the day hand-picking pumpkins or apples, enjoying the scenery, and savoring the simplicity of the season. Use this time to talk about what you’re thankful for and reflect on how God has blessed your marriage. You can even turn it into a mini date night by carving pumpkins together or baking a fresh apple pie when you get home.
  1. Take a Scenic Hike
    Fall is the perfect time to enjoy God’s creation with a scenic hike. Choose a trail with beautiful fall foliage, and as you walk together, take the opportunity to connect on a deeper level. Talk about your hopes and dreams for the future, pray together, and thank God for the beauty all around you.
  1. Plan a Cozy Movie Night
    With cooler evenings, there’s nothing better than snuggling up together for a cozy movie night. Choose a favorite fall-themed movie, make some hot cocoa or apple cider, and create a comfortable space with plenty of blankets. Before the movie starts, consider reading a short devotional or prayer to invite God into your time together. This simple, relaxing date can be a great way to unwind and reconnect after a busy week.
  1. Go on a Fall Picnic
    Pack a basket with seasonal goodies—think hearty sandwiches, pumpkin muffins, and a thermos of warm soup—and head to a local park or your favorite outdoor spot. Spread out a blanket, enjoy the crisp fall air, and take in the beauty of the changing leaves. Use this time to talk about what’s been on your hearts, share what God’s been teaching you, or even pray together. A fall picnic is a simple yet meaningful way to connect with each other and with God.
      fall date ideas
      1. Attend a Fall Festival or Fair
        Many communities host fall festivals or fairs that feature local crafts, food, and entertainment. If yours doesn’t have one, perhaps explore a close by city that does. Spend the day exploring together, trying new foods, and enjoying the atmosphere. These events are often full of fun and laughter, allowing you to relax and enjoy each other’s company.
      1. Volunteer Together
        Fall is a season of harvest and thanksgiving, making it a wonderful time to give back to your community. Find a local charity, food bank, or church event where you can volunteer together. Serving others is a powerful way to strengthen your bond and live out your faith as a couple. It reminds you of the bigger purpose God has for you as a couple.
      1. Explore a Corn Maze
        Get lost together in a corn maze! This fun fall activity is perfect for working together as a team and enjoying some lighthearted fun. As you navigate the twists and turns, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to laugh and support each other. Afterward, share a warm treat like apple cider donuts and talk about how you’ve navigated the “mazes” in your marriage with God’s guidance.
      1. Have a Fall-Themed Cooking or Baking Night
        Bring the flavors of fall into your kitchen with a cooking or baking night. Choose a new recipe to try together, whether it’s a savory dish like butternut squash soup or a sweet treat like pumpkin bread. Cooking together can be a great way to bond, and you’ll have the added bonus of enjoying a delicious meal or dessert afterward. Consider inviting another couple over to share in the fun and make it a double date!
      1. Visit a Historical Site
        Take a step back in time by visiting a historical site or museum in your area. Many places offer special fall tours or events that can make your visit even more memorable. As you explore, reflect on the history and how it connects to your own story as a couple. Discuss how God has been faithful through the years, both in history and in your own marriage.
      1. Start a New Tradition
        Fall is the perfect time to start a new tradition that you can look forward to each year. Whether it’s a special date night activity, a seasonal devotional series, or a weekend getaway, choose something that you both enjoy and that helps you grow closer together and to God. Traditions can create lasting memories and become something you cherish as your marriage continues to grow through the years.

      Fall is a season of change, reflection, and gratitude—all being necessary for a thriving marriage. By intentionally setting aside time for fun and meaningful dates, you’re not only investing in your relationship but also inviting God into the center of your marriage. Whether it’s a simple picnic or a day of volunteering, these fall date ideas offer opportunities to connect, grow, and celebrate the beautiful gift of marriage that God has given you.

      So, grab your favorite sweater, head outside, and make the most of this wonderful season together. Your marriage will be all the stronger for it!

      Putting Your Marriage First

      Putting Your Marriage First

      by | Aug 10, 2024 | Articles, Intimacy & Connection, Parenting & Family

      Guest Post by Julie Baumgardner

      Our dear friend Julie Baumgardner, Senior Executive Director at WinShape Marriage, knows firsthand the incredible value of prioritizing your marriage. WinShape Marriage offers the perfect setting to unplug and invest in your relationship through their various retreats. Today, Julie shares with us the importance of keeping your marriage at the top of your schedule, even when life’s demands are pulling you in every direction. Be sure to follow Julie and WinShape Marriage on Instagram to stay inspired and informed!

      Well, it’s here. The lazy days of summer are coming to a close and the crazy days of fall are within sight! Some of you are counting down the days and others are sad to see the summer end.

      Whichever camp you fall into, one thing’s for sure: A new season is here, and there’s a good chance it will be filled with multiple schedules, extra-curricular activities, church commitments, and more to keep up with. 

      In the midst of trying to make sure your children are taken care of, it’s easy to let your marriage take a back seat – as in, “We’ll do something for us once things slow down.” However, things aren’t likely to slow down anytime soon. So how do you take care of your marriage in spite of the back-to-school chaos?

      The One Thing to Help Your Children Flourish

      This may sound counter to everything you’re thinking and hearing, but if you want your children to flourish during the school year, you must put your marriage first. 

      I once heard a talk from John Medina, author of Brain Rules. Someone in the audience asked, “What do I need to do now in order to give my child the best chance of getting into Harvard?” 

      Medina’s response? “Go home, love your spouse well, and create a safe and stable environment for your child.”

      The audience dropped their jaws at this answer. Naturally, they were expecting to hear about all the different activities parents should ensure their children are involved in to set them up for success. So, receiving advice about their marriage probably seemed random at best and illogical at worst.

      title pin "putting your marriage first"

      Connection is the Best Thing For Your Children

      The question for all of us is this: What is the merit behind the guidance? How is putting your marriage first a win? 

      The underlying thought is that when parents are feeling connected and their relationship is in a healthy place, it creates a healthy environment at home where children can thrive—where they can learn, grow, make mistakes, fail, and be loved through it all. It doesn’t mean you won’t experience angst as you raise your children, but when you are connected and working together as a team, it is easier to walk through the challenges you will face as you prepare your children to grow and go.

      What I have seen through the years working with families—and have been guilty of thinking myself—is that depriving children of participating in this sport or that activity will impact them negatively over time. Even though there often isn’t time or money to do it, this mentality leads most families to do it anyway and just figure it out. The collateral damage is parents feeling like they live in a hotel, spending the day-to-day like ships passing in the night. There’s no time for downtime and certainly no room for date nights as a couple. All this leads to a loss of connection as a couple and a family.

      And, as we all know, feeling disconnected isn’t a good thing.

      4 Questions to Make This Year Successful While Putting Your Marriage First

      This may be the year you take a different approach. Take a few minutes with your spouse and look at everything – your time, jobs, money, the needs of your children, extended family needs – all the things that are currently on your plate. Then consider the grades your children will be in and the sports and extra activities they would like to participate in.

      Once you have a clear picture of your current situation, ask yourselves these questions:

      1. What do we believe we actually have capacity for in this season that will still allow us to maintain our sanity?
      2. How many activities is it realistic for each child to participate in, while still having time together as a family?
      3. What can we financially afford?
      4. What amount of activity can we allow for our children while still making time for us as a couple?

      Entering the school year with sure answers to these questions could be a game changer for your marriage and your family on several levels.

      Why to Put Your Marriage First

      Why? Because clarity is kindness. Once you have a clear picture of your capacity, you can confidently pass that along to your children. It doesn’t mean they are going to love the limits, but you are teaching them what it looks like to prioritize what’s most important and problem-solve toward a goal—and one day they’ll thank you for that. Remember, you are your children’s first and best teacher.

      Here’s the thing: Riding the wave of raising children will ultimately end. Their job is to grow and go. When they go, if you haven’t taken the time to nurture your marriage, you will look at each other and wonder why in the world you are together. So many perfectly good marriages end because people failed to recognize the importance of nurturing their relationship over time. Child-centered marriages are the ones most at risk for divorce. 

      Actually putting your marriage first, making sure you have time to be together— to play, talk (not just about the children, bills or work) and enjoy each other’s company—increases the chances of your home being a safe and stable place, both while your children are growing up and after they leave the nest.