Embracing Hard Truths in Marriage: Why Emotionally Satisfying Answers Won’t Bring Healing

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Oct 19, 2024 | Articles, Featured Communication Resources, Marriage Communication, Marriage Recovery & Healing

The other day, I listened to an eye-opening podcast interview with Lisa Fields, an author and apologetics teacher. She shared something powerful about what it means to wrestle with God, and it immediately struck a chord with me. Lisa pointed out that, as believers, many of us struggle when the answers we receive from God don’t meet our emotional expectations. She said, “For many of us, our goal line for God is emotionally satisfying answers. If the answers aren’t emotionally satisfying, we struggle to accept them or believe they’re true.”

I couldn’t help but reflect on how this applies not only to our faith journeys but also to our marriages. We’ve all had those moments where we’re wrestling with God—asking questions like, “Why does this have to happen?”, “Why isn’t this fair?”, or “Why should I forgive them when I’ve been hurt so badly?” The truth is, those moments of wrestling often come because we’re searching for answers that feel good, rather than the ones that are grounded in truth.

Why We Gravitate Toward “Comforting Lies”

Have you ever watched the TV show Catfish? The whole premise of the show is to help people uncover whether they’ve been deceived by someone pretending to be someone else online. Or perhaps you’ve seen an episode of Dr. Phil where someone, often an elderly widow, has been scammed into believing a far-fetched love story, even as their bank account is drained. In both cases, the victims are presented with all the evidence they need that they’re being lied to—but they still struggle to believe the truth.

It’s frustrating to watch because, as outsiders, it’s easy to see the blatant red flags. The lies are obvious: someone says they’re from Atlanta, but they have a foreign accent; they constantly need financial help for emergencies, but they can never meet in person. And yet, despite factual proof, the victims don’t want to believe they’re being deceived. The reason? The truth is painful. Emotionally, it’s easier to believe the comforting lies than to face the reality of the situation.

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How This Relates to Marriage

The same thing happens in our marriages. We may find ourselves in difficult situations—maybe it’s ongoing conflict, resentment, or unmet expectations—and instead of addressing the real issues, we look for emotionally satisfying answers. We may think, “If they would just change, everything would be fine,” or “I’ll feel better once this problem goes away.”But the reality is that avoiding hard truths only prolongs the pain. In fact, it often makes things worse.

I’m not sure what struggles you may be facing in your marriage right now, but here’s what I do know: searching for the answers that make you feel better won’t fix the problem. It will only delay your healing. Whether it’s the need to forgive, to work through past hurts, or to address ongoing issues, it’s time to confront the truth.

Embracing the Hard Truths with God

As difficult as it may be to accept, God’s truth is what will set you free in your marriage. It’s easy to fall into the trap of ignoring the Holy Spirit’s nudges because the truth feels too painful or hard to deal with. But here’s the thing: God’s truth isn’t just something to accept—it’s something that can liberate you and your marriage.

Ignoring hard truths in favor of emotionally satisfying answers may bring temporary relief, but it doesn’t bring lasting peace. It’s like putting a bandage over a deep wound instead of getting the stitches you need for real healing.

So, whatever it is that you’re avoiding, whatever truth you know in your heart that you need to face—take the first step today. Whether it’s a difficult conversation with your spouse, addressing a long-standing issue, or confronting something within yourself, know that God will walk with you through it. He will guide you, sustain you, and bring healing to your marriage.

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God’s Truth Is the Foundation for Healing

In John 16:13, Jesus promises, “But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth.” The Holy Spirit is our constant companion, ready to guide us toward truth, even when it’s hard to hear. The truth may not always be emotionally satisfying, but it’s where real healing begins.

God’s truth in your marriage may require difficult choices, painful admissions, or a willingness to let go of the emotionally satisfying answers you’ve held onto. But it’s only by embracing the truth—no matter how hard—that you’ll find the freedom and healing you’ve been longing for.

Take heart in knowing that God is with you. He is Truth, and His truth will sustain and guide you, no matter how tough the journey may seem. Trust Him to lead you and your marriage into a place of healing, peace, and restoration.

Moving Forward in Truth

I encourage you today: whatever the hard truth is that you’ve been avoiding, face it with courage and trust in God. Stop searching for answers that simply soothe your emotions and start seeking the truth that will set you free. Your marriage is worth the work. The freedom that comes from living in God’s truth is far better than any temporary comfort you may find in avoiding it.

Remember, God is with you through it all, and His truth will ultimately lead you to the healing and peace you desire in your marriage.

By shifting the focus from seeking emotionally satisfying answers to embracing God’s truth, we can experience the kind of freedom and healing that transforms our marriages. Let’s trust in His guidance and walk in the truth that only He can provide.

If you need help walking through a tough season in your marriage, we’re here to help with virtual marriage coaching and counseling. Check out our services HERE.

5 ways to Deal with Family at the Thanksgiving Table

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Oct 6, 2024 | Articles, Christian Marriage, Parenting & Family

Thanksgiving is almost here, and if you’re like the average couple, you’re gearing up for that annual feast with family—full of turkey, stuffing, and just a sprinkle of chaos. Now, you probably love your family, but let’s be honest, getting through Thanksgiving dinner with everyone’s sanity intact can sometimes feel like a miracle on par with feeding the 5,000. But don’t worry, I’ve got some practical (and slightly humorous) Christian advice to help you navigate the turkey, the tension, and everything in between.

**1. Pray Before You Feast—*and Not Just for the Food***

Let’s start with the obvious: prayer. Before that turkey even hits the table, take a moment to pray. And I’m not just talking about blessing the meal—though that’s important too. Pray for patience, kindness, and the strength to smile when Aunt Mildred asks you for the fifth time why you haven’t had any more kids yet. Consider prayer like the stuffing to your Thanksgiving turkey—it fills the gaps and holds everything together.

And hey, if you’re hosting, sneak in an extra prayer while you’re basting the turkey. You’ll need it when Uncle Joe starts discussing politics before dessert.

2. Serve a Side of Grace with That Gravy

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful, but sometimes, it’s also a time to bite your tongue. When Cousin Larry starts talking about his latest conspiracy theory, or when Grandma insists that her “secret” recipe is better than yours, remember that grace is key. Pour out that grace like gravy and remind yourself that Thanksgiving is more than the meal—it’s about the people around the table.

So when the conversation gets a little heated, or you feel your patience wearing thin, take a deep breath, pass the mashed potatoes, and keep serving up that grace. You’ll feel better for it—and so will everyone else.

3. Focus on the Blessings, Not the Bickering

It’s easy to get caught up in the bickering that sometimes bubbles up around the Thanksgiving table. But instead of focusing on what’s wrong, why not focus on what’s right? Take a moment to look around the table at the faces of the people you love (even if they’re driving you a little crazy), and be thankful for each one of them. Yes, even the one who chews obnoxiously loud.

Remember, every family has its quirks, but those quirks are part of what makes your family unique. And who knows? Maybe one day you’ll look back on these moments and laugh—after all, humor is one of God’s best gifts.

4. Create a “Thankful for” Tradition

Here’s a little tip I’ve found helpful: before diving into the turkey, go around the table and have everyone share something they’re thankful for. It’s amazing how this simple act can set a positive tone for the entire meal. Plus, it’s a great way to remind everyone (including yourself) of the many blessings God has poured into your lives.

And if anyone tries to skip out on sharing, feel free to gently remind them that there’s always something to be thankful for—like the fact that the turkey isn’t raw or burnt this year.

5. Laughter Is the Best Dessert

Finally, remember that laughter is truly the best dessert—well, right after pumpkin pie, of course. When the conversation starts getting tense, try lightening the mood with a joke or a funny story. Laughter can diffuse tension faster than you can say “pass the cranberry sauce.”

So, whether it’s reminiscing about funny family moments or telling a good-natured joke, don’t be afraid to bring a little humor to the table. It might just be the secret ingredient to a peaceful and joyful Thanksgiving.

Giving Thanks Together

At the end of the day, Thanksgiving isn’t about having the perfect meal or the perfect family—it’s about coming together to give thanks to God for all He’s done. It’s about remembering that despite our differences, we are all loved and blessed beyond measure.

So this Thanksgiving, let’s focus on what really matters: faith, family, and a whole lot of gratitude. And if things get a little messy—whether it’s the gravy or the conversation—just remember to laugh, pray, and pass the pie.

Wishing you a Thanksgiving full of love, laughter, and God’s abundant blessings!

6 Milestones to be Celebrated in Your Christian Marriage

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Sep 17, 2024 | Articles, Christian Marriage, Parenting & Family

As a Christian marriage counselor, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing and helping countless couples navigate the beautiful yet challenging journey of marriage. One thing I’ve learned along the way is that celebrating milestones—both big and small—can play a large role in creating appreciation for your marriage. The milestone moments I’m referring to are more than dates on a calendar; they are opportunities to reflect on the grace of God in your marriage, to rekindle your love, and to reaffirm your commitment to each other.

Here are some important marriage milestones that every couple should celebrate:

Wedding Anniversaries: These yearly dates testify to your endurance and love.

Wedding anniversaries are the most obvious milestones but also some of the most important. Each year of marriage is a testimony to the endurance of your love and the faithfulness of God. Whether it’s your first or your fiftieth, take time to celebrate how far you’ve come. Reflect on the vows you made, the challenges you’ve overcome, and the ways your love has deepened over the years.

Consider renewing your vows, taking a special trip, or simply spending the day reminiscing together.

The Birth or Adoption of a Child: New life into your family always deserves recognition.

The arrival of a child is one of the most profound milestones in any marriage. It marks a shift in your relationship from being just a couple to becoming a family. This is a moment to celebrate not only the gift of new life but also the expansion of your love and the responsibilities you now share.

Celebrate this milestone as more than just a birthday in the family. Celebrate it as a couple by reflecting on how your roles are changing and how you can support each other in this new season of life.

Major Achievements: You’re reaching goals together!

Whether it’s buying your first home, paying off a significant debt, or reaching a career milestone, these achievements are worth celebrating. They represent the hard work, dedication, and teamwork of your marriage. These moments are not just personal victories; they are triumphs for your marriage as well.

Celebrate by taking a special trip, having a nice dinner, or simply spending time together, reflecting on how God has provided and how you’ve grown as a couple. These celebrations help reinforce your shared goals and the fact that you’re still on this journey together, cheering one another on.

Overcoming Challenges: Don’t underestimate victory in your trials.

Every marriage faces trials—whether it’s health issues, financial struggles, or relational problems. Overcoming these challenges is a significant milestone that deserves recognition. These moments remind us of God’s faithfulness and the strength that comes from leaning on each other and on Him.

Consider celebrating by encouraging other couples and hosting a prayer night with your friends. You never know who needs to hear what the Lord has been faithful to do in your trials. Share your testimony in a group, or have a quiet evening together to look back on how far you’ve come. Use this time to thank God for His provision, especially in a season when you weren’t sure you’d survive it.

Spiritual Growth: Take the opportunity to deepen your faith together.

Spiritual growth is a constant journey, and there will be milestones along the way that are worth celebrating. Perhaps you’ve completed a Bible study together, started a family devotional time, or made a significant step in your spiritual walk as a couple. These moments represent the foundation of your marriage—your shared faith in Christ.

Celebrate spiritual milestones by sharing what you’ve learned with others. Maybe it’s time for you to mentor another couple, open your home to a life group, and teach others what has kept you spiritually strong. These celebrations are a way to keep Christ at the center of your marriage, reminding you both that your relationship is ultimately rooted in Him.

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Milestones in Intimacy: You’re growing closer as one!

Intimacy in marriage goes beyond physical connection and includes emotional and spiritual closeness. Celebrate milestones in intimacy, such as overcoming a period of distance, resolving a long-standing conflict, or simply rediscovering each other’s hearts.

Consider planning a romantic getaway, a special date night, or writing letters expressing your love and appreciation to each other. These celebrations help to reignite that fire of connection and even more intimacy.

Embrace Every Milestone: It’s worth it!

In marriage, every milestone—whether a major life event or a small step forward—is an opportunity to celebrate the love, faith, and commitment you share. These celebrations mark your marriage, reminding you of where you’ve been, what you’ve overcome, and where you’re headed. They are also reminders of God’s presence in your marriage, as He has faithfully guided you every step of the way.

So, take the time to celebrate these milestones. They are not just for you but for your marriage—a gift from God that deserves to be honored and cherished every day.

Embracing the Freedom of Forgiveness

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Sep 3, 2024 | Articles, Christian Marriage, Marriage Recovery & Healing

As Christian marriage counselors, we’ve seen countless couples weighed down by the heavy burden of unforgiveness, whether the unforgiveness is in their marriage or from an individual hurt outside of their marriage. The same thing rings true; holding onto resentment, anger, or hurt damages your relationship with your spouse and takes a toll on your spiritual and emotional well-being. That’s why we’re excited to introduce you to a helpful new resource: Learning How to Forgive: A Devotional of Prayers and Practices to Release Negative Emotions and Achieve True Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is at the heart of Christianity, with Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross being the ultimate example of love and forgiveness. Yet, in our marriages, forgiveness can often feel like one of the hardest acts to practice. Whether it’s a small slight or a deep wound, the pain can linger, affecting how we interact with our spouse and how we see ourselves.

Why Forgiveness Matters in Marriage

In marriage, two imperfect people are bound to hurt each other, intentionally or unintentionally. It’s part of being human. But without forgiveness, those hurts can build up, creating walls that block intimacy and trust. Unforgiveness can lead to bitterness, isolation, and, sadly, even the breakdown of a marriage.

However, when we choose to forgive, we open the door to healing, reconciliation, and restored connection. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the hurt; it means choosing to release the negative emotions that keep you trapped in the past and prevent you from moving forward in your relationship. This new devotional is designed to help you break free from those chains and embrace the peace that comes from true forgiveness.

What This Devotional Offers

Learning How to Forgive is more than just a book; it’s a journey toward emotional and spiritual freedom. Each day’s devotional is carefully crafted to guide you through the process of forgiveness, offering:

Daily Prayers: Start each day by inviting God into your healing process. These prayers are designed to help you align your heart with His will and find the strength to forgive, even when it feels impossible.
Reflective Practices: Each devotional includes practical exercises to help you release negative emotions, whether it’s through journaling, biblical meditation, or other activities. These practices are rooted in Scripture and are designed to help you connect deeply with your emotions and with God’s truth.
Scriptural Insights: Drawing from the Bible, the devotional provides a solid foundation for understanding forgiveness from a Christian perspective. You’ll explore verses that speak to God’s forgiveness for us and His command that we forgive others.
Real-Life Applications: Forgiveness isn’t just a spiritual concept; it’s something we live out every day. The devotional includes real-life examples and scenarios to help you apply the principles of forgiveness in your marriage and beyond.

The Path to Healing and Wholeness

Forgiveness is not a one-time event; it’s a process. This devotional will walk with you step by step, helping you navigate the complexities of forgiveness in a way that is both compassionate and biblically sound. Whether you’re dealing with a small grievance or a deep betrayal, Learning How to Forgive offers the tools and support you need to find true healing.

As you journey through this devotional, you’ll discover that forgiveness isn’t just about releasing your spouse or others from their wrongs—it’s about freeing yourself from the weight of carrying those hurts. It’s about finding peace, joy, and a renewed sense of connection with your spouse, with others, and with God.

Take the First Step

I encourage you to take the first step towards healing today. Whether you’re struggling to forgive your spouse, a friend, or even yourself, this devotional can be the guide you need. Remember, forgiveness is a gift from God—a gift that brings freedom, healing, and the abundant life He desires for you.

You can find Learning How to Forgive: A Devotional of Prayers and Practices to Release Negative Emotions and Achieve True Forgiveness through our affiliate link on Amazon and anywhere books are sold. May this resource be a blessing to you and your marriage as you seek to live in the fullness of God’s grace.

Get the Book!

Blessings for your journey of healing!

10 Fun Fall Date Ideas for Christian Couples

by email@expeditionmarriage.org | Aug 24, 2024 | Articles, Christian Marriage, Intimacy & Connection

As the crisp autumn air settles in and the leaves start to change, fall offers the perfect backdrop for romance and quality time with your spouse. Amid the busyness of life, it’s important to carve out (don’t mind the pumpkin pun) time for each other, and what better way to do that than with some fun, faith-filled fall date ideas? As a Christian marriage counselor, I’ve seen how intentional time together can strengthen your connection and remind you of the joy God intended for your marriage.

Here are 10 creative and meaningful fall date ideas to help you make the most of this beautiful season:

Visit a Pumpkin Patch or Apple Orchard
Nothing says fall like a trip to a pumpkin patch or apple orchard. Spend the day hand-picking pumpkins or apples, enjoying the scenery, and savoring the simplicity of the season. Use this time to talk about what you’re thankful for and reflect on how God has blessed your marriage. You can even turn it into a mini date night by carving pumpkins together or baking a fresh apple pie when you get home.

Take a Scenic Hike
Fall is the perfect time to enjoy God’s creation with a scenic hike. Choose a trail with beautiful fall foliage, and as you walk together, take the opportunity to connect on a deeper level. Talk about your hopes and dreams for the future, pray together, and thank God for the beauty all around you.

Plan a Cozy Movie Night
With cooler evenings, there’s nothing better than snuggling up together for a cozy movie night. Choose a favorite fall-themed movie, make some hot cocoa or apple cider, and create a comfortable space with plenty of blankets. Before the movie starts, consider reading a short devotional or prayer to invite God into your time together. This simple, relaxing date can be a great way to unwind and reconnect after a busy week.

Go on a Fall Picnic
Pack a basket with seasonal goodies—think hearty sandwiches, pumpkin muffins, and a thermos of warm soup—and head to a local park or your favorite outdoor spot. Spread out a blanket, enjoy the crisp fall air, and take in the beauty of the changing leaves. Use this time to talk about what’s been on your hearts, share what God’s been teaching you, or even pray together. A fall picnic is a simple yet meaningful way to connect with each other and with God.

Attend a Fall Festival or Fair
Many communities host fall festivals or fairs that feature local crafts, food, and entertainment. If yours doesn’t have one, perhaps explore a close by city that does. Spend the day exploring together, trying new foods, and enjoying the atmosphere. These events are often full of fun and laughter, allowing you to relax and enjoy each other’s company.

Volunteer Together
Fall is a season of harvest and thanksgiving, making it a wonderful time to give back to your community. Find a local charity, food bank, or church event where you can volunteer together. Serving others is a powerful way to strengthen your bond and live out your faith as a couple. It reminds you of the bigger purpose God has for you as a couple.

Explore a Corn Maze
Get lost together in a corn maze! This fun fall activity is perfect for working together as a team and enjoying some lighthearted fun. As you navigate the twists and turns, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to laugh and support each other. Afterward, share a warm treat like apple cider donuts and talk about how you’ve navigated the “mazes” in your marriage with God’s guidance.

Have a Fall-Themed Cooking or Baking Night
Bring the flavors of fall into your kitchen with a cooking or baking night. Choose a new recipe to try together, whether it’s a savory dish like butternut squash soup or a sweet treat like pumpkin bread. Cooking together can be a great way to bond, and you’ll have the added bonus of enjoying a delicious meal or dessert afterward. Consider inviting another couple over to share in the fun and make it a double date!

Visit a Historical Site
Take a step back in time by visiting a historical site or museum in your area. Many places offer special fall tours or events that can make your visit even more memorable. As you explore, reflect on the history and how it connects to your own story as a couple. Discuss how God has been faithful through the years, both in history and in your own marriage.

Start a New Tradition
Fall is the perfect time to start a new tradition that you can look forward to each year. Whether it’s a special date night activity, a seasonal devotional series, or a weekend getaway, choose something that you both enjoy and that helps you grow closer together and to God. Traditions can create lasting memories and become something you cherish as your marriage continues to grow through the years.

Fall is a season of change, reflection, and gratitude—all being necessary for a thriving marriage. By intentionally setting aside time for fun and meaningful dates, you’re not only investing in your relationship but also inviting God into the center of your marriage. Whether it’s a simple picnic or a day of volunteering, these fall date ideas offer opportunities to connect, grow, and celebrate the beautiful gift of marriage that God has given you.

So, grab your favorite sweater, head outside, and make the most of this wonderful season together. Your marriage will be all the stronger for it!