Is Your Marriage in a Stormy Season?

Is Your Marriage in a Stormy Season?

by | Jul 21, 2025 | Articles, Christian Marriage, Intimacy & Connection

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Is Your Marriage in a Stormy Season?

The other night, an intense storm rolled through our neighborhood. My husband was in the office finishing up counseling sessions, and I was alone in our living room. The lightning was striking so close to our house that I could see massive bolts flash through the trees in our backyard. Each one lit up the entire room, and with every rumble of thunder, my heart jumped a little more.

Within minutes, the rain started pouring. The wind blew so fiercely that it bent smaller trees and sent hail crashing sideways into our windows. It was loud, chaotic, and honestly—unsettling.

And in that moment, I just wished my husband was with me.

Now, I know he couldn’t have done anything to stop the storm itself. But his presence would’ve been enough to calm my heart. Because that’s what we long for in times of fear—someone to be with us.

Later that evening, as the storm passed and quiet skies returned, I couldn’t help but reflect on how much that moment reminded me of our walk with Jesus.

The Power of Presence

You and I have a Savior who never leaves the room.

He’s not caught up in someone else’s crisis, distracted by a to-do list, or busy solving bigger problems. Jesus is always present. Not only is He with us—He lives within us.

“Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?”
— 1 Corinthians 3:16 Is Your Marriage in a Stormy Season?

Even when the storms in life, or in your marriage, rage, Jesus may not promise to always calm the weather—but He does promise to calm our hearts. And that kind of peace is more powerful than we often realize.  

Storms in Marriage

Let’s be honest—marriage isn’t stormproof. Sometimes the rain shows up as miscommunication, disappointment, or distance. Sometimes the wind is the pressure of outside circumstances—kids, jobs, finances. Sometimes, the hail comes in the form of deep hurts and unmet needs.

But no matter what storm you face in your marriage, you are not alone in it.

Jesus anchors you. He doesn’t pull away when it gets loud, messy, or painful. He draws near.

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”
— Hebrews 6:19

Keep in Mind:

Whether you’re in the middle of a relational storm right now or you’re just grateful for clear skies today, here are two practical steps you can take:

  1. Invite Jesus into your fear, not just your fix.

Instead of only asking Him to change your spouse or your situation, ask Him to calm your heart. Let His nearness be your comfort, even if the circumstances don’t immediately change.Is Your Marriage in a Stormy Season?

  1. Walk closely with Him in the calm.

The best time to build your trust in Jesus is when things are quiet. Daily time with Him prepares your heart to lean on Him when things get loud. The more familiar His presence becomes, the easier it is to recognize His peace in the middle of chaos.

Remember You’re Not Alone 

Whether your storm is raging, just starting to rumble, or about to blow over—Jesus is with you. He may not always stop the storm, but He will always still your heart. You are never alone, and you never have to weather it in your own strength.

Let His presence be your peace. Let His voice be louder than the thunder. And let His Word remind you:

“Be still and know that I am God.”
— Psalm 46:10

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When You’re Fighting for Your Marriage Alone: Where Real Strength Comes From

When You’re Fighting for Your Marriage Alone: Where Real Strength Comes From

by | Jun 28, 2025 | Articles, Christian Marriage, Intimacy & Connection, Marriage Recovery & Healing

*If you’re in an abusive or unsafe marriage, this message is not meant for your situation. God does not ask you to stay in harm’s way. Please seek help, support, and safety. You are deeply valued, and you are not alone.

When You’re Fighting for Your Marriage Alone BlogMarriage can be one of the most beautiful parts of life—but it can also be one of the most painful places to feel alone.

 Maybe you’re the one trying.
The one praying.
The one reading the books, initiating the conversations, suggesting counseling.
And maybe… your spouse isn’t.

If you’re feeling like you’re the only one fighting for your marriage, I want you to hear this loud and clear:

You were never meant to carry your marriage on your own.

When Your Strength Isn’t Enough

We all hit a breaking point when we realize our human strength has limits. It’s discouraging when your best effort still isn’t enough to fix what’s broken.

But here’s the truth—your strength was never supposed to be enough.

Psalm 73:26 reminds us,

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

God never asked you to white-knuckle your way through pain or pretend everything is fine. He simply asks you to bring your weakness to Him—because that’s where His strength comes through the most.

What If My Spouse Refuses to Do the Work?

This may be one of the hardest places to land in a marriage:
You’re ready to grow, you desperately want to heal, and surrender to God—but your spouse is unwilling.

Maybe they don’t want counseling.
Maybe they won’t talk about deeper issues.
Maybe they’ve checked out emotionally or spiritually.

And you’re left wondering, “How can this work if I’m the only one working?”

Here’s the hope:
God can still work in your marriage—even when your spouse won’t.

Psalm 46:1 says,

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”

God doesn’t disappear when your spouse pulls away. In fact, He often draws nearer. He sees your effort. He honors your faithfulness. And He promises to carry you when it feels like you can’t carry anything—or anyone—else.

What Can You Do?

While you can’t change your spouse, here’s what you can do:

  1. Anchor Yourself in God’s Truth

Your worth is not measured by your spouse’s choices.
God’s love for you is unshakable, and your obedience is not wasted.

Isaiah 40:29 says,

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.”

  1. Pray—But Release Control

Yes, pray for your spouse. But don’t make their transformation your responsibility.
Ask God to do what only He can do in their heart—and rest in knowing He’s at work even when you can’t see it.

  1. Protect Your Heart with Boundaries

Boundaries are not about punishment—they’re about protecting what’s healthy.
If your spouse isn’t pursuing God, that doesn’t mean you stop. Keep growing, keep guarding your peace, and don’t compromise your walk with Christ.

  1. Find Safe, Godly Support

Don’t walk this road alone. Talk to a counselor, a mentor, or a trusted friend who can offer support without judgment. Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is simply ask for help.

A Final Word of Hope

Even if you're spouse isnt' showing up, God always will2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says,

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness… for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

This isn’t just true in theory—it’s true for you.

If your marriage feels one-sided right now, don’t give up.
God isn’t finished with your story.
And even if your spouse isn’t showing up, God always will.

Your role is to stay close to Him. To listen for His voice. To obey what He is asking you to do today—even if your spouse isn’t willing to join you yet.

Because when your strength runs out, His never does. None of this guarantees the outcome you may be desiring, but if you abide in the Lord, His direction will be clear, and His grace will be sufficient. He will make straight the path to follow going forward.

Reflection Questions:

  • Where am I relying on my own strength instead of leaning into God’s?
  • What’s one area in my marriage I need to surrender today?
  • Who can I invite into my journey for support?

If this resonates with you, we want you to know—we’re with you.
And more importantly, God is with you. He’s holding you, equipping you, and working even when it feels like nothing’s moving.

You are not alone.

Find more paid and free resources at www.expeditionmarriage.org

Want More?

Listen in as we discuss this issue on Ep. 142: When You’re Fighting for Your Marriage Alone on the Expedition Marriage Podcast.

—Chris & Jamie
Expedition Marriage

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Feeling Stuck in Your Marriage? You’re Not Alone

Feeling Stuck in Your Marriage? You’re Not Alone

by | Jun 18, 2025 | Articles, Intimacy & Connection, Marriage Recovery & Healing

Feeling Stuck in Your Marriage? You’re Not Alone

If your marriage feels stuck right now—like no matter what you try, nothing is working—I want to remind you of something important:

You are not alone.

Maybe you’ve done the work.
You’ve had the conversations, read the books, scheduled the date nights, and prayed all the prayers.

But the disconnect is still there. The hurt still lingers. The changes you long for seem slow… or even non-existent.

And maybe, deep down, you’re beginning to wonder if anything you do even matters.

Here’s something to hold onto today:

“The opposite of stuck isn’t unstuck. It’s moving.”

Sometimes being stuck isn’t about doing something wrong. It’s about not knowing what else to do. And because of that, over time, we stop moving. We shut down. We settle into disappointment and stop believing anything will change.

But what if your stuckness is actually serving you in some way?

That’s a hard question—but an important one.

How might staying stuck actually be serving me?

  • Is it protecting me from hoping again—because if I hope, I might be disappointed?
  • Is it helping me stay small, where it feels safer and more familiar?
  • Is there a lie I’m believing—like “This will never change” or “It’s all up to me”—that keeps me from healing?
  • Have I developed a loyalty to my stuckness, because more of a victim mentality feels easier than risking vulnerability or trust?

Here’s what I know: God didn’t create you—or your marriage—for survival mode. He created you for abundance and growth.

Romans 12:2 says,

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

So if your heart is weary today, start with a shift in mindset. Ask God to renew your hope. To highlight the lies that need replacing. To show you just one small step you can take toward connection, healing, and restoration.

Because you don’t have to fix it all. You just have to keep moving—with Jesus leading the way.

There is hope. Even here. Even now.
Don’t stop. Just take the next step.

*This blog is not intended for anyone in a toxic or abusive marriage. If this is you, let someone know or seek professional help

*Disclaimer: The information discussed in this podcast is meant for entertainment purposes and is not meant to replace counseling or working with a trained healthcare professional.

Is Your Marriage Settling for Relief Instead of Restoration?

Is Your Marriage Settling for Relief Instead of Restoration?

by | May 5, 2025 | Articles, Intimacy & Connection, Marriage Recovery & Healing

Have you ever found yourself just wanting a little relief in your marriage?

Maybe the conversations have grown stale.
Maybe you’re feeling more like roommates than soulmates.
Or maybe it’s just been a long week, and the tension in your home feels heavy.

You’re not in crisis—but you’re not exactly thriving either.

In those moments, it’s easy to reach for relief. A movie night to avoid talking. Scrolling your phone to check out for a bit. A quick laugh or a busy schedule to distract you from the quiet disconnection.

But here’s the hard truth I was reminded of recently while listening to a podcast interview with John Eldredge:

“We’re constantly reaching for relief, when what we really need is restoration.”

6 milestones to celebrate in your marriage

That hit me.

Because relief—while comforting—is temporary. It’s surface-level. It makes us feel better for a moment but never truly heals anything.
Restoration, on the other hand, goes deeper. It brings things back to life. It revives what’s been slowly fading. It addresses the root, not just the symptoms.

And in marriage, we need restoration far more than we need temporary relief.

Even if your marriage isn’t in a crisis, it might be stuck in something just as dangerous: mediocrity, boredom, or quiet disconnection.

When we settle for relief in those moments, we risk growing numb to the slow drift between us. We start surviving instead of thriving. We accept fine when God has something far better in mind. 

The good news? God is a God of restoration.

He doesn’t just patch things up—He makes all things new. (Revelation 21:5)
He doesn’t just want us to get through marriage—He wants us to flourish in it.

So if you’ve been feeling the pull toward surface-level solutions lately, let this be your gentle nudge:

Don’t stop at relief.

Press in for restoration.

Invite God into the quiet places of your marriage.
Have the honest conversations you’ve been putting off.
Ask Him to breathe new life into the parts that feel weary or routine.

Because your marriage was never meant to settle for just “getting by.”

It was created to reflect the beauty, grace, and restorative power of a God who brings dead things back to life.

And He’s not done writing your story.

Need help moving from relief to restoration?
Check out our free resources and counseling options at ExpeditionMarriage.org — we’re here to walk with you every step of the way.

Want a Closer Marriage? Start with a Closer Walk with God

Want a Closer Marriage? Start with a Closer Walk with God

by | Apr 16, 2025 | Articles, Christian Marriage, Intimacy & Connection

When you see a strong, connected marriage, you can be sure of one thing—it didn’t just happen by chance.

A closer marriage is the result of two people intentionally showing up for each other. It’s built in the daily choices: carving out time together, having meaningful conversations, laughing, forgiving, supporting one another through life’s highs and lows. That kind of closeness is a byproduct of connection—and that connection requires time and investment.

But here’s something we often forget: our relationship with God works the exact same way.

We can’t expect to feel close to our spouse if we’re not spending quality time with them. And in the same way, we can’t expect to feel close to God if we’re not regularly making space for Him in our lives. Time in prayer, in His Word, and simply being in His presence—it all matters. It shapes us.

Closer Marriage

And here’s why that connection to God is essential for a healthy marriage:

When we prioritize our relationship with God, we become better spouses. We grow in patience. We become more forgiving, more humble, and more loving—not because we’re trying harder, but because we’re being transformed by His Spirit. He changes us from the inside out.

That’s why a thriving marriage starts with a thriving faith.

Jesus put it this way in John 15:5 (NIV):

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit.”

That fruit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness—is what feeds our marriage and sustains us through every season.

Without staying connected to the Vine, we wither… and our relationships suffer too.

So, if your heart is longing for a deeper connection in your marriage, start by drawing closer to Christ.
If you want to feel more united as husband and wife, begin by staying united with Him.

Because the closer you are to God, the closer you can become to each other.

Thriving marriage

Do you feel like you are all alone in your marriage?

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To feel like you were part of a team?

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Your Phone Might Be the Devil’s Favorite Device in Your Life

Your Phone Might Be the Devil’s Favorite Device in Your Life

by | Apr 14, 2025 | Articles, Intimacy & Connection, Parenting & Family

A Reflection on Distraction, Intimacy, and Taking Your Attention Back

My husband and I recently had one of those conversations—the kind that makes you stop and re-evaluate what’s quietly taking over your life. This time, it was about our phones.

We’d already started making some big changes in how we use them, but something about that conversation stirred something deeper in me. Out of curiosity, I looked up the definition of the word “device.” (Yes—on my phone, ironically enough.)

Here’s what I found:
A device is “a deceit or plan to trick.”

Oof. That one hit me, but also didn’t shock me.

Suddenly, I started to see things more clearly. How often is that “innocent” scroll really just a trap? How often does that little ding or buzz pull us away from what actually matters? The enemy is clever—he doesn’t always storm in with chaos. Sometimes, he just gently lures us with distraction… dressed up as entertainment, comparison, or even productivity.

Distraction in Marriage

Distraction Is Spiritual

Let’s call it what it is: many of us are spiritually disconnected—not because God has gone silent, but because we’ve stopped listening.

We’ve traded quiet time for screen time.
Communion with Christ for connection with content.
Real presence in our marriages for mindless scrolling.

And the most tragic part?
We barely notice it happening.

Our phones aren’t evil in themselves. They’re tools.
But they become traps when they start stealing our dependence, our attention, and our peace.

Who Has More Access to You—Your Phone or Your Savior?

That’s the question I had to wrestle with.
And maybe it’s one you need to ask yourself, too.

Jesus hasn’t moved.
He hasn’t stopped speaking.
But maybe we’ve just forgotten how to be still long enough to hear Him.

The constant noise, the pull of endless content, the dopamine hits from likes and notifications—it’s all shaping our spiritual attention spans. And if we’re not careful, we’ll raise children who can’t sit in silence and we’ll grow marriages that struggle to thrive without a screen in the room.

The Call Back to Stillness

Here’s the good news:
You can take your attention back.
You can shut down the noise and open up space for something better.

  • You can put your phone down and pick up God’s Word.
  • You can re-learn how to sit with Him.
  • You can begin to hear again.

And yes, at first, stillness might feel awkward.
You’ll be tempted to reach for distraction.
But stay with it.

Stillness is where intimacy grows. It’s where God whispers. And it’s where peace begins to replace pressure.

Stillness in Marriage

For the Sake of Your Marriage

This isn’t just about your quiet time—it’s about your relationship.
If you’re like many couples today, chances are your phone has become a source of tension in your marriage.

How many times have you heard:
“Can you just put your phone down for a minute?”
“Are you even listening to me?”

It’s time to stop letting a device create distance in our closest relationships.

Let’s not allow something in our hands to steal the intimacy we were meant to have—with God and with each other.

A Prayer to Refocus

Lord, help me to recognize the distractions that pull me away from You. Give me the strength to choose stillness, to quiet the noise, and to tune my heart to Your voice again. Help me love You with my attention. And help me love my spouse with my presence. In Jesus Name, Amen.

If this hits home for you, maybe it’s time for a little phone reset.
Not because it’s trendy—but because your soul needs space to breathe.
And your marriage? It needs presence more than pixels.

Let’s take our attention back—together.

Do you feel like you are all alone in your marriage?

Are your schedules so busy with work and taking care of your family that you are simply too tired to connect?

Wouldn't it be great if you could move from exhausted and alone to connected and supported?

To feel like you were part of a team?

Use Coupon Code: PODCAST20
for 20% off the regular price of $34.97

Find Out More

Finding Peace in Letting Go of Control in Your Marriage

Finding Peace in Letting Go of Control in Your Marriage

by | Nov 15, 2024 | Articles, Christian Marriage, Marriage Recovery & Healing

Have you ever noticed how our desire to feel safe and in control can lead us down a path of trying to control everything around us—especially in our marriages? I’ve been there before, and let me tell you, it never ends well. The truth is that whenever we try to control what is not ours to control, we end up feeling anxious and weighed down.

Why There Is Peace In Letting Go

Finding Peace in Letting Go of Control in Your Marriage

When we attempt to control everything—our spouse’s emotions, their reactions, their choices, or even our life circumstances—it often stems from a genuine longing for safety. We want to avoid pain, protect our families, and keep life as smooth as possible. Trust me, I’ve been guilty of this too many times. But the reality is, we weren’t designed to carry that weight. God didn’t create us to control every outcome or anticipate and prevent every bad thing from happening.

The more we try to take on the role of protector, peacekeeper, and life manager for our spouse, the more overwhelming it becomes. And what’s the result? We’re left feeling anxious, frustrated, and disconnected from the very person we’re trying to protect.
The reason is simple: we weren’t meant to be in control.
God is.

In Proverbs 3:5-6, we’re reminded of this foundational truth: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” This is God’s gracious invitation for us to loosen our tight grip on control and instead place our trust in Him. He calls us to release the weight we’ve been trying to carry and believe that He is more than capable of handling what we cannot.

If you’re feeling that constant tension of trying to keep everything in line—whether it’s managing your spouse, your marriage, or preventing every possible problem in your family—take heart. Not only do you not have to be in control, but you also aren’t supposed to be. When you release that need to manage every outcome, you make room for God to work in your life. You create space for His peace to replace your anxiety. (Insert deep breath here.)

Start With One Thing

Psalm 46:10 offers this beautiful reminder: “Be still, and know that I am God.” When we allow ourselves to be still and trust that God is in control, we find the safety we’ve been searching for—not in our ability to manage everything, but in God’s unwavering faithfulness.

So, here’s a question to ask yourself today: What’s one area in your marriage or family where you’re holding on too tightly? Where have you been trying to control something that isn’t yours to control? Take a moment to reflect on it. Whatever it is, I encourage you to release it into God’s hands. He is trustworthy, He is good, and He is more than able to carry what you cannot.

Let go of the anxiety that comes with trying to be in control, and lean into the peace that comes from trusting God instead. Remember, He’s got you, your spouse, and your family in His loving and capable hands.

Putting Your Marriage First

Putting Your Marriage First

by | Aug 10, 2024 | Articles, Intimacy & Connection, Parenting & Family

Guest Post by Julie Baumgardner

Our dear friend Julie Baumgardner, Senior Executive Director at WinShape Marriage, knows firsthand the incredible value of prioritizing your marriage. WinShape Marriage offers the perfect setting to unplug and invest in your relationship through their various retreats. Today, Julie shares with us the importance of keeping your marriage at the top of your schedule, even when life’s demands are pulling you in every direction. Be sure to follow Julie and WinShape Marriage on Instagram to stay inspired and informed!

Well, it’s here. The lazy days of summer are coming to a close and the crazy days of fall are within sight! Some of you are counting down the days and others are sad to see the summer end.

Whichever camp you fall into, one thing’s for sure: A new season is here, and there’s a good chance it will be filled with multiple schedules, extra-curricular activities, church commitments, and more to keep up with. 

In the midst of trying to make sure your children are taken care of, it’s easy to let your marriage take a back seat – as in, “We’ll do something for us once things slow down.” However, things aren’t likely to slow down anytime soon. So how do you take care of your marriage in spite of the back-to-school chaos?

The One Thing to Help Your Children Flourish

This may sound counter to everything you’re thinking and hearing, but if you want your children to flourish during the school year, you must put your marriage first. 

I once heard a talk from John Medina, author of Brain Rules. Someone in the audience asked, “What do I need to do now in order to give my child the best chance of getting into Harvard?” 

Medina’s response? “Go home, love your spouse well, and create a safe and stable environment for your child.”

The audience dropped their jaws at this answer. Naturally, they were expecting to hear about all the different activities parents should ensure their children are involved in to set them up for success. So, receiving advice about their marriage probably seemed random at best and illogical at worst.

title pin "putting your marriage first"

Connection is the Best Thing For Your Children

The question for all of us is this: What is the merit behind the guidance? How is putting your marriage first a win? 

The underlying thought is that when parents are feeling connected and their relationship is in a healthy place, it creates a healthy environment at home where children can thrive—where they can learn, grow, make mistakes, fail, and be loved through it all. It doesn’t mean you won’t experience angst as you raise your children, but when you are connected and working together as a team, it is easier to walk through the challenges you will face as you prepare your children to grow and go.

What I have seen through the years working with families—and have been guilty of thinking myself—is that depriving children of participating in this sport or that activity will impact them negatively over time. Even though there often isn’t time or money to do it, this mentality leads most families to do it anyway and just figure it out. The collateral damage is parents feeling like they live in a hotel, spending the day-to-day like ships passing in the night. There’s no time for downtime and certainly no room for date nights as a couple. All this leads to a loss of connection as a couple and a family.

And, as we all know, feeling disconnected isn’t a good thing.

4 Questions to Make This Year Successful While Putting Your Marriage First

This may be the year you take a different approach. Take a few minutes with your spouse and look at everything – your time, jobs, money, the needs of your children, extended family needs – all the things that are currently on your plate. Then consider the grades your children will be in and the sports and extra activities they would like to participate in.

Once you have a clear picture of your current situation, ask yourselves these questions:

  1. What do we believe we actually have capacity for in this season that will still allow us to maintain our sanity?
  2. How many activities is it realistic for each child to participate in, while still having time together as a family?
  3. What can we financially afford?
  4. What amount of activity can we allow for our children while still making time for us as a couple?

Entering the school year with sure answers to these questions could be a game changer for your marriage and your family on several levels.

Why to Put Your Marriage First

Why? Because clarity is kindness. Once you have a clear picture of your capacity, you can confidently pass that along to your children. It doesn’t mean they are going to love the limits, but you are teaching them what it looks like to prioritize what’s most important and problem-solve toward a goal—and one day they’ll thank you for that. Remember, you are your children’s first and best teacher.

Here’s the thing: Riding the wave of raising children will ultimately end. Their job is to grow and go. When they go, if you haven’t taken the time to nurture your marriage, you will look at each other and wonder why in the world you are together. So many perfectly good marriages end because people failed to recognize the importance of nurturing their relationship over time. Child-centered marriages are the ones most at risk for divorce. 

Actually putting your marriage first, making sure you have time to be together— to play, talk (not just about the children, bills or work) and enjoy each other’s company—increases the chances of your home being a safe and stable place, both while your children are growing up and after they leave the nest.

Navigating Intimacy: 7 Tips for When You Have a Higher Sex Drive than Your Husband

Navigating Intimacy: 7 Tips for When You Have a Higher Sex Drive than Your Husband

by | Feb 5, 2024 | Articles, Intimacy & Connection, Parenting & Family

We live in a society where it’s not uncommon to hear about the great need for sex that men have. But the truth is that God designed sex for both husbands and wives, and how much or how little they each desire sex can be varied. It is true that more men statistically have higher sex drives than their wives, but in 1 out of every 4 marriages, it’s the wife who has the higher drive. 

What do you do in this stigmatized situation that feels like things are backward?

As a woman with a higher sex drive, it’s likely that your first instinct is to wonder why you’re not desirable to your husband. This form of thinking is self-protective and likely not even close to being the reality of the situation.

There are many reasons why our sex drives are different, and they’re usually not related to our spouse’s attractiveness. It’s actually far more likely for a wife not to have sex with her husband for this reason than it is the other way around. But constantly asking your husband if he’s attracted to you or questioning why he isn’t will not head you in the direction you’d like to go.

For starters, mismatched sex drives are entirely normal. When it can become a problem is when there are sudden drops in libido, slow fades because you’re disconnected as a couple, or when other health issues or aging are factors. Some of these can be addressed and fixed, and others you can learn to adjust to in beautiful and healthy ways. The couple affected by chronic pain, medical issues, or just the aging couple can all still have great sex.

 

Here are some insights and practical tips to foster a healthy and satisfying intimate connection when sex drives differ:


  1. Open and Honest Communication:
    Good communication is important when it comes to the health of a marriage, especially when it comes to physical connection. Good communication leads to emotional connection, which often leads to physical connection. Believe it or not, husbands want emotional connection, too.
higher sex drive

    You also need to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about your respective needs, desires, and expectations. Create a safe space where both of you can express your feelings without judgment. Make inquiries about health, his mental and physical state, stress levels, or any obstacles that may decrease his libido. Determine if he’s worried about it or if he feels your sex drive is just higher. 

    1. Understand Each Other’s Perspectives:
      Take the time to understand each other’s perspectives on intimacy. Acknowledge that everyone’s libido is unique, and factors such as stress, health, and personal experiences can influence it. Understanding one another’s point of view will foster empathy and strengthen your emotional connection.
      If your husband says it’s not a lack of desire for you, believe him. If you disregard how he really feels, you will likely make him feel inadequate or defective in some way. Remember, a lower sex drive for him can be entirely normal and does not signify a problem, so it’s important to make him feel like he is not flawed in this area.
    1. Prioritize Quality Over Quantity:
      Focus on letting quality trump quantity when it comes to intimacy. Instead of focusing solely on frequency, concentrate on the quality of your intimate moments. Ensure that both of you feel emotionally connected and satisfied, regardless of the frequency. When you are physically intimate, be fully present and make the most out of it. 
    1. Schedule Intimacy:
      While it may sound unromantic, scheduling intimacy can be a practical solution to ensure that both partners’ needs are met. This approach allows for anticipation and planning, creating a dedicated space for intimate connection amidst busy schedules. At the end of the day, we schedule and make room for the things that are important to us.

    5. Seek Professional Guidance:
    If the differences in sexual desire become a significant source of tension, consider seeking the guidance of a marriage counselor. Professionals can provide insights, tools, and strategies to navigate these challenges and enhance intimacy.

    6. Address Potential Underlying Issues:
    If there are potential medical reasons or other underlying issues, such as stress, hormonal imbalances, or unresolved marriage issues, address them. Get hormones checked, see the doctor together, or get counseling. Your marriage is worth it.

    7. Focus on Overall Relationship Health:Remember that a healthy intimate life is just one aspect of a thriving relationship. Focus on nurturing other aspects of your connection, such as emotional intimacy, communication, and shared activities. A well-rounded relationship can contribute to a more fulfilling and harmonious marriage.

     

    Navigating a situation where you have a higher sex drive requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to explore new approaches.

    By fostering open communication and mutual respect, you can create a space where both of you feel valued and satisfied in your intimate connection. Remember, it’s about finding a balance that works for both of you and enhances the overall well-being of your relationship. Mismatched sex drives don’t have to be a problem to be solved. They can often be an opportunity to connect in so many other ways.

    Want more Christian Marriage content? Check out the Expedition Marriage Podcast with Chris and Jamie Bailey.

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    Why Your Communication Might Be Failing

    Why Your Communication Might Be Failing

    by | Jul 3, 2023 | Articles, Communication, Marriage Communication

    How Communication Impacts Your Marriage

    When we were a few years into being married, we had many fights. Practically zero new material was fought over, but instead, we fought about the same issues repeatedly. 

    Here’s the deal, we’ve been doing this marriage counseling thing long enough to know that we were not the first couple who kept getting caught in fight cycles, and we certainly weren’t the last.

    You may not be aware of this, but much of the fighting you might be doing likely has its roots in poor communication. Because of its prevalence, we want to share some of the most common issues that make communication ineffective. 

    Speaking before thinking

    This one can work both ways. Sometimes we start a conversation out of anger or frustration before thinking about what we want to say. We jump the gun and go directly into criticism, putting our spouse immediately on the defensive. Other times, we lash out because of something said to us before pausing and responding appropriately. 

    A simple trick to overcome this is by training yourself to hit the pause button the moment you feel that blood starting to boil from frustration. While pausing, ask yourself what you want your spouse to know, hear, or understand. When you have your answer and feel calm enough to articulate it, move forward. If you need time to gather your thoughts, ask for it by saying, “I don’t want to respond the wrong way, so I need a little time to process this.” 

    Not listening to one another 

    Scientific research has shown that we only listen to about a third of what’s being said, while we spend two-thirds thinking of our response. To make matters worse, it also tells us that we can only recall about 20% of what we hear. This is a recipe for disaster in a marriage. But it’s also a call for grace because you’ll both be bad at listening if you’re not intentional. 

    All of this should tell you that if you want your spouse to feel heard, especially since most of us tend to get repetitive, louder, and angrier when we’re not, you will have to start listening on purpose. The second your spouse feels you’ve heard them is when they will know you’re on the road to resolution, which will speed it up instead of slow it down with needless loud repetitions. 

    Some simple tips for listening well are putting your phones down and setting distractions aside, making eye contact, and paraphrasing and repeating what you’ve heard.

    As for the last two communication faux pas, we will group them together, hearing what’s not being said and not clarifying. All too often, we react to our assumptions more than we react to what is truly being said, and when that happens, we take it one step further and fail to clarify if what we’ve heard is actually what was meant. 

    This can be where, “Can you put your cup in the dishwasher?” turns into, “You are messy and never do anything around the house!” or maybe a “Fine.” response to a “How do I look?” turns into an extra half hours’ worth of outfit changes. 

    Here’s a quick tip to resolve that issue; if a response is over the top or different than you expected, that’s a big clue that your spouse has misunderstood what you’re trying to say. If this is the case, ask them directly what they heard you say or thought you meant by what you said. This provides an opportunity to clarify and get back on track.

    Good communication will always involve a lot of remaining calm, good listening, and clarity….oh, and much grace!

    And don’t forget, if this is a big issue for your marriage and you don’t have the time or resources for counseling, don’t forget we have our How to L.O.V.E. Your Way Through Conflict course, where we expand on this topic and a lot more! Don’t forget to get your extra 10% off as a subscriber by using code EXPEDITION!

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